And Tomorrow Came
by darla
Summary: Rhett and Scarlett, having grown and endured so much, seek an amicable divorce. Beginning with an encounter at Melanie's wake, they make their first attempt at a respectful parting. But nothing between Rhett and Scarlett ever goes as planned...
1. Scarlett Clarity

A funny thing happened the night that Rhett left Scarlett. She grew up. She didn't change, and she didn't feel like her heart grew. But there was a clarity in her thoughts; a surprising sense of calm, where she thought there would be anxiety. She did not know if she could get Rhett back. Or if she truly wanted him back. But she wanted him to be happy, which is something she never even really wished for Ashley. If she had ever opened her eyes, she would have seen Ashley could only be happy with Melanie. She thought of writing him a letter, but then decided against it. All she could do was follow a suddenly defined path that appeared in her mind. All the loss seemed to have broken her. But it was as if a curtain flew open and unveiled everything she was to do. Everythingn she was to be.

She still cried. Melanie's death and Bonnie's death were still so raw. And a part of her could not truly reconcile the lost. She had to live as if they were watching her. She had to live in honor of them. She could never be as perfectly good as Melanie, but one of the thoughts that came to her in the night was that all these years, maybe she wasn't as bad as everyone thought she was. She knew that she was still young enough to do good in the world. And she had the bonus of a lot of money on her side. And enough money brought enough influence. All of Atlanta expected her to chase Ashley with Rhett gone and Melanie dead. But she knew she would once again surprise everybody. But she would have to nip the Ashley situation in the bud as soon as possible. She would take care of Beaux. Take care of Ashley. And from afar, try and take care of Rhett. In the end, she knew that Rhett left her because he couldn't bear to live in the house that Bonnie had lived in. Or at least that was a big part of it. If Bonnie were alive, she could have fixed it. But now, Rhett was a broken man. And so was Ashley. And she would once again, have to make things right. One thing that amused Scarlett, even then, was that as bad as everyone thought she was and had always been… she was still going to be the one to fix everything.

She couldn't bear to cry anymore at the foot of the stairs. She had to gather herself. For the first time in a crisis, she remembered her two children. Not just as a burden or an afterthought. But she realized that Melanie wasn't there anymore to walk people through a crisis. She was always the one who knew what to say to comfort them. Especially when Bonnie died. But now it fell on her to be the strength. She felt like running after Rhett and saying "Please, stay for them. They are not as strong as I am." For the first time, she didn't see them as weak or as nuisances. They weren't as charming and beautiful as Bonnie had been. But Scarlett had learned the hard way not to take anyone for granted, and she felt a tug at her heart when she thought of her children. They were hers after all. She had always seen them as reflections of how her life had gone wrong; how they were mistakes she had made. How they weren't Ashley's children. And for the first time, she crafted her words ahead of time, not in order to manipulate, but to protect. Her maternal side, it seemed, had come to life only after Bonnie's death. And if Rhett was to ever return, she didn't know… but her children were hers. Her mother's grandchildren. They had strong blood in them and the fighter in her was determined to make this day less horrible.

She entered Wade's room first. It was early morning, and it must have been hours since Rhett had left. Wade and Ella had arrived home with Prissy while she was at Melanie's. It had been so long since she had entered his room that his belongings weren't even familiar to her. He was eleven years old, but there was a maturity about him that Scarlett had never cared to notice. She thought to herself that the boy must expect death and sadness all the time. And then it saddened her that it had never occurred to her before. Wade looked surprised to see her, as if she was the last person he had ever expected. That challenged a small part of her. Rhett's words still cut like a life… "a cat's a better mother than you… your children are afraid of you…"

Wade was usually wide awake at this time, but the traveling might have exhausted him a little bit. But he definitely looked like he was expecting news about Aunt Melanie. He looked a lot like Charles, but she could swear now that he was stronger. Maybe he took after Melanie. Maybe he had seen so much as a young boy that he had no choice but to be a little strong. But he had that southern softness about him. He looked at her, as if expecting something terrible, and she hated to prove him right. She walked softly next to him, appreciating the closeness for the first time.

"Wade… Aunt Mellie passed away tonight. I was with her."

She hugged him so hard that it startled him. He didn't know what to do. He just sat there like a rag doll. She was crying again, as the words and the tragedies all seemed to come into her head at once. Wade would never know that she had harbored jealousy and even hatred for Melanie. He only knew that another bright light in his life was gone forever. She had to ease his mind a little.

"It's alright to cry darling. I won't tell anyone."

Wade tried to let out a sob, but instead he spoke.

"How…"

"She was going to have a baby and there were complications. Like I had. But her body just couldn't take it. She was with her loved ones. I was going to come and get you, but she… it happened so quickly. I didn't really believe she could die I guess…."

Wade looked at her with a bit of confusion. His mother had never talked to him like this, and he would remember it for the rest of his life. Scarlett read his mind a little, as she was finally able to leave her own thoughts and feelings and think of what someone else might be thinking. And be correct.

"Aunt Mellie was my best friend, Wade. And we are all going to be strong because that's what she would have wanted. You know, she mentioned you…"

"What did she say?"

"She said she loved you and you were the sweetest, most darling boy. And that you could look after Beau, because after all, he is younger than you and looks up to you. Don't forget, he's going to be very sad for a long time. I was much older than he was when I lost my mother, and I still think of her every day…"

"I remember."

"Yes, you do, don't you? I forget how much you have to remember… I wish I could erase some of those memories…"

Wade tried not to look surprised, but in all his life, he had never been so perplexed. And yet, without knowing it, he had craved his mother's attention for so long. And now, it seemed so natural. Like she had been there all along. But since Scarlett was so young when she had Wade, she almost looked like an older sister to him, especially the way she sat there with him, rattling off compassionate statements like it wasn't unusual.

"I forget sometimes that you never knew your father…"

"What was he like?"

"You never asked me that before… He was handsome and kind. And he wanted very badly to fight in the war. All the boys did. And I hated it because I thought talk of the war was ruining all the parties."

She had hoped the last part would make him smile, and it did. A soft, timid smile. He would never know that she didn't love Charles at all. She thought of how she found out that her mother never really loved her father. She wondered how many children think their parents were some great love story. Only in Beaux' case, was that the truth. No, she thought. He should think his parents were great young lovers.

"I wasn't much older than you when we got married. A lot of people rushed into marriage when the war started. I have so many stories to tell you about the war. About your Aunt Melanie. And I know… Wade, I know that I haven't been the greatest mother to you and Ella. I know that I was always preoccupied with other things. But it's just… because of the war, I always worried about being taken care of. And I wanted you to have the best."

Wade almost took offense at this.

"Aunt Mellie used to tell us about how you and Uncle Rhett saved her life and my life in Atlanta. And if anyone ever says anything to you…"

Scarlett smiled and she wasn't really in the mood for smiling. She saw a sliver of Irish temper in the child, and pride that her son was so eager to defend her. So blind to her faults… just like Mellie. A small part of her felt guilt, but then she felt happy that her child could actually come to her defense. Maybe he was easy to charm as his father was.

"Oh don't worry about that. Tomorrow, the three of us are going to move back to Tara."

Wade looked at her thoughtfully, sensing that maybe she needed his comfort more than he needed hers.

"Where's Uncle Rhett?"

"Oh… Wade. Rhett has gone away on a long trip. He might come to Aunt Mellie's wake, but I'm not sure."

Wade looked hurt.

"It's alright to be angry with him, dear. But… he hasn't been right since Bonnie died…"

"But we're all sad. We all miss Bonnie! She was my sister!"

"Yes, but… I will only tell you what Aunt Mellie would have said because she was always wiser than me… she would probably say that we mustn't judge him or his pain. He didn't have other children like I did. And it was especially hard because it happened in front of him. He probably thinks he could have saved her, or that it was his fault she had been riding… but none of that's really true. It was just a terrible accident."

"Will he come back?"

"He might. But sometimes, people can't handle losing someone. My father never recovered from my mother dying. As much as he loved his daughters, sometimes even a strong man, a man as strong as Rhett or my father… sometimes they just need… sometimes they just need a lot of time."

It was odd how she was talking. As if Wade was old enough to comprehend all she was saying. But he seemed to become more relaxed as she told him little tidbits of her past.

"Until Uncle Rhett comes back, you are going to be the man of the house at Tara," she said almost playfully.

"No, I'm not old enough."

"True, but you're strong enough. And there's nothing I can't help you with. I think maybe this house is too sad now after Bonnie. And I will need a lot of help. I want us moved in by Christmas."

Wade took this statement very seriously. He had never had much encouragement from his mother.

"If Uncle Rhett doesn't come back, I don't think I will ever forgive him."

Scarlett looked intently at her son, understanding again the value of family and loyalty, and almost gleaming with pride.

"You do what feels right. For now, it'll be the three of us. I won't tell Ella until tomorrow."

Scarlett sat up and began walking towards the door. She wasn't sure of anything she had said, but only sure that Wade needed to hear them. Then something occurred to her.

"Wade, when you were a little boy I hit you. The night we left Atlanta. You know that's never going to happen again, right?"

"Of course not, Mother."

"Well, still… I was scared myself. But I'm not afraid of anything anymore, and you don't have to be either. Whatever happens, we have each other. I love you Wade. Remember that always."

Wade suddenly felt stronger. Like someone had given him a medal of honor. His mother stood at the door, once again, lost in her thoughts.

"Wade… can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure."

"Your mother doesn't like to lose. And you should know that I've never turned away from a fight. And Uncle Rhett…. He'll come back to Tara. It might take awhile. But he'll regret leaving and he'll come back. You have to trust your mother. Even if you never trusted me before. I'll make everything right. And if by some chance, he doesn't come back to us, don't worry about that either. That will just mean that we're too good for him anyway."

Scarlett grinned and her son finally grinned back. She had been seeking that smile out during their whole conversation and she finally got it. And it was the brightest spot in a very dark day….

The next morning, she made her plans to go to Tara. She would stay at Aunt Pittypat's during the move. And she kept reciting what she would say to Rhett if he returned for Melanie's wake. She suspected he would because, as she had come to learn, Rhett was almost as soft and sentimental as Ashley. And after Melanie had convinced him to have a funeral for Bonnie, she knew he would pay her the respect of attending. There was only one other thing she wanted to do first, and it would cause quite the commotion in town. She hoped it would be her last scandalous act since her reformation. She made a stop at Belle Watling's.

She knew about the side entrance to Belle's house from Rhett. In their very unusual marriage, he had never spared her any details of his life. And so, in the early morning of Melanie Wilkes' wake, Scarlett pulled her carriage up to Belle's and knocked on the door. A young and homely girl answered the door with her mouth open. Scarlett looked at her as if she was any young girl, with no judgment or even surprise in her green eyes. She acted as if it was any house, and she had been looking for an old friend.

"Good morning. I wanted to know if you can help me. I have some business to discuss with Miss Belle Watling. I realize she may not be home, but I wanted to know if there would be a good time to talk to her. Tell her Mrs. Butler would like to meet with her. If she would like, she can pay a visit to my home. Whichever she prefers."

The young girl, Amy, seemed quite thrown at this request or what it could mean. She had seen angry wives before, but this woman had no anger in her eyes. She had never seen a woman so calm in such an awkward position. Of course she knew that she was Captain Butler's wife, and had heard terrible things about her. But she had the same commanding presence that Captain Butler had, and to see it in a woman was unnerving.

Amy went upstairs to find Belle. Scarlett waited in the foyer. The whole house was abuzz, but Scarlett's focus remained. She did wonder if Belle would talk to her. She wondered how much this stranger knew about her and her marriage. She ventured to guess it was a lot. And she was fairly certain that Belle did not like her. She wondered if Rhett paid her a visit before he left town. She also wondered how far away Rhett was, and if he would indeed surprise her by not going to the wake.

Belle finally came down the steps, cool as a cucumber, but curious as a cat, eyeing Scarlett up and down. Scarlett didn't glare though. But she wasn't foolish enough to smile. Rhett had always said they were both business women. And today, Rhett was the business she had wanted to discuss.

"Miss Watling, is there somewhere we can talk privately?"

Belle nodded and pointed to a room towards the left. Belle could be cool, but she couldn't read this situation. She thought maybe she was going to be scolded, and Scarlett's wrath was just under the surface. Maybe she had an idea that she could buy Belle out and save her marriage.

"What is it, Mrs. Butler?" Belle asked with a bit of condemnation in her voice.

"Would you like a drink?"

Scarlett realized that she was in Belle's home now, and Belle had a home advantage. That question revealed a lot, mostly that Rhett had probably mentioned her drinking to Belle.

"No thank you." She sat down and took her gloves off.

"I am sure you have heard, Miss Watling, of the passing of Mrs. Wilkes. She was my dearest friend. And Captain Butler's. You are a friend of Captain Butler's as well. He has left town, and I do not know if he will be returning for her services. You see, he has been…. We have been… it's been hard on us since the death of our daughter. Captain Butler hasn't been right since. I'm worried about him. And I don't know if he is ever coming back…"

Her honesty and candor were disarming. She was also correct. She had seen Rhett often since the death of his daughter and she did indeed think of him as a broken man.

"Of course, my worry is of little concern to him. I certainly do not want to send him a telegram over something if it's not an emergency… but I was wondering if you can hold onto a letter for him. And if he does come here, you can give it to him."

"Mrs. Butler. I am not in the business of handing husbands letters from their wives… And I don't know what kind of house you think I'm running here, but…"

"Mrs. Watling. I come here with no disrespect. I have had a very difficult few months. I am only asking a favor, which you can refuse if you see fit. Also, you are welcome to pay your respects at the Mrs. Wilkes' wake…"

With that, Belle laughed.

"You can laugh, but I assure you… on my word, no one is going to give you any trouble there. That crowd will do what I say. That includes all of the Wilkeses."

"Mrs. Butler. You really think a nice gesture and a letter will bring Rhett back?"

Scarlett squirmed inside at Belle's use of his name, _Rhett_…

"I have no God's honest idea what will bring Rhett back. If anything. Miss Watling… my only intention in the next few days is to see to it that Melanie Wilkes gets the most beautiful wake and funeral Georgia has ever seen. I learned quite a bit from her over the years. Quite a bit about kindness. And she was kind to you. And you should know that what people say and what people know are two very different things. And the truth is something else entirely."

And with that, she stood up calmly and put a sealed envelope on the table. For a moment, they were just two women. Two women who had loved the same man, and had little chance of getting him back.

And then she was gone, and Belle couldn't help but finally see, at least a little bit, what Rhett had seen in this woman, besides beauty. And she didn't open the letter. She kept it and hoped that when Rhett came into town, she could tell him firsthand about this experience. Maybe it would cheer him up. And of course, she never opened it. If she had, she would have seen that all it contained were these words…

Dearest Rhett,

We have some business to discuss further.

Love,

Scarlett


	2. Another Grand Goodbye

Rhett Butler did, in fact, return for Melanie's wake. He couldn't help but wonder how he would be greeted by Scarlett. Would she worry about her reputation and try to convince him to stay? Did she love him or think she loved him? Did he believe her? He was broken down and he knew it. He hadn't been able to sleep much. After Bonnie died, he didn't sleep for weeks. He was trying to stop drinking but he couldn't get to sleep without it. In the early hours of the morning, his thoughts went to Bonnie and Scarlett and that brief time when he thought they could have a life together. In his deepest moments, he would find himself unable to blame Scarlett, who had told him she didn't want to get married and didn't love him. He always craved her honesty, but remained smug enough to believe she didn't know what she wanted. She didn't know what was good for her.

He put her in that situation and he knew it. He had told her it would be fun. He so rarely put his cards on the table with her. He couldn't stand that with all he gave her, her heart still went to Ashley. And then, when she finally came to the realization that she wouldn't be able to stay with Ashley for more than a week without being utterly frustrated and disappointed in him…when she came running to the house to profess her alleged love… he chose then to walk out on her. He really was a bastard. Of course, he had wanted to leave her since Bonnie died. But still, Melanie's death made it an unfortunate time.

Still, Scarlett rarely lied to him. And when she said she had called for him after the miscarriage…. That thought tortured him. Not because he felt bad for Scarlett. But because when his mind rewound to the months before Bonnie's death, he would wonder if all those events had been different, would Bonnie still be alive? He remembered Bonnie running to greet Scarlett after they returned from their three months away, and how Scarlett, for a brief moment, looked happy to see him, and happy to tell him she was going to have a baby. After all, he hadn't been happy when she found out she was pregnant with Bonnie. He was such a bastard then. And there was guilt. The fact that he had said that maybe she would get lucky and have a miscarriage. And she did. When he thought about what he did to her in their marriage, somehow he could no longer blame her for everything. She didn't love him. And suddenly, he felt like the he acted like the child.

He hadn't been able to think about any of this after Bonnie's death and after he had decided to leave Scarlett. But he was so alone. He couldn't go back to Scarlett. They couldn't live in their house, and he couldn't bear the thought of having more children. Maybe it had just been her grief and regret talking? It would have been easier had she not run back to him and asked him to stay. Or if he had not believed that she finally loved him. Normally, she only refused a divorce because of the shame and the gossip. But she said that she would travel with him. Give her heart to him. And he felt so sorry for her, and so sorry for himself. He had tried to leave like a gentleman, with respect and dignity. He knew his family would tell him to go back to his wife. He wondered if he would ever marry again. Doubtful. He couldn't tolerate the pain of a child. Though maybe if it was a son. But a daughter would break his heart.

He thought he would feel more triumphant when he walked out the door. He had finally told her just how he loved her and why he was going. But it only made him feel like a fool. Sometimes he would laugh at the fact that no two people were ever so honest with each other, always at the other's expense. But he knew, as good as it felt, that the primary reason he was gone was because of Bonnie. He never really thought Scarlett didn't love Bonnie; it's just he loved Bonnie more. And part of him knew that Scarlett would move on after her death, not because of callousness, but because of her strength. Oh the tragedy of it all. No wonder he couldn't stop drinking. He feared he would drink himself to death. And those who saw him on the street felt that he was a dead man walking.

And so he showed up at Melanie's wake. He tried very hard to blend in, because he was in no mood for the gossip that seemed to follow him whenever he entered an event. No one seemed to notice or care that he was there. He had never seen so much genuine mourning at a wake or a funeral before. One could really feel the void left by Melanie Wilkes. He guessed that Scarlett never told anyone that he had left.

He saw Scarlett before she saw him. She was greeting people with Sue Ellen, and far across the room was Ashley. India was beside him, holding onto his arm, whispering what seemed like words of solace. He saw Wade and Ella with the other children, off in a corner, wanting to be any place but there. He wondered what Scarlett had said about his leaving. He wondered what impact he had on their lives. Would he just be another father they never knew? No, he was worse. Two children who had lost their fathers and their grandparents and how their aunt. And he chooses that moment to abandon them all. Some men should never be married. He was one of them.

Scarlett looked up quickly at one point, and saw him. She almost smiled. He was going to have to approach Ashley at some point, but that seemed hard to do. He wondered if it had occurred to Ashley to marry Scarlett. She would provide him comfort and take care of him. And even though it would never be a true love, it would probably be a happier marriage than Rhett and Scarlett ever had. Maybe she would have a baby with him. Maybe they would sit in bed in sadness, with Melanie's ghost over their heads, just as his bed had been haunted by Ashley. He got a closer look at India at one point and realized that that she wore makeup that looked as if she was covering a black eye… strange, it was slightly discolored and swollen. At first, he thought maybe it was the crying…_Oh dear, did Scarlett finally take a swat at India,_ Rhett thought. Shortly after, an acquaintance mentioned to him moving back to Tara as soon as Sue Ellen found a new home. Scarlett was going to help her look. _Ah, _he thought. Of course she's going back to Tara.

Scarlett waited till Rhett found a seat by himself. She approached him calmly.

"Rhett," she almost whispered. "I knew you'd come. Thank you."

"I came out of respect for Mrs. Wilkes, and.."

She held her hand up to silence him.

"I understand all too well why you're here. Doesn't change that it is the right thing?"

"I suppose not."

She studied him and he studied her back, neither really sure what they were looking for.

During the services, Scarlett got up to speak. And if anyone had anything to whisper about, you couldn't tell by looking at Scarlett. It was as if she was daring someone, especially India, to disrespect Melanie in any way. Apparently, Melanie had asked in her last wishes for Scarlett to read a passage from the Bible. And Scarlett did so dutifully. She read from a paper that she had scribbled it on. And then much to Rhett's astonishment, and everyone else's, she added something.

"I realize this is a terrible time for all of us. We have lost so many people in the past years, that one would think it would get easier. But I'm afraid- it just seems that of all the people to lose- Melanie Wilkes should have outlived us all. It will take us all awhile to think of her as we should, with only fondness and smiles. Living our lives as if she is watching over us in heaven, as I know she is… She was the kindest person we have ever known or maybe will ever know. Things like that are often said at these occasions, but for Melanie, it's the truth.

Scarlett paused to regain some composure. She felt weak, but had made a million promises to herself to be strong for Melanie and for Rhett and for herself. She felt like a coward for fumbling, but years later, she would see this as one of her more courageous moments… which, for Scarlett O'Hara, was saying something…

"It's something not often enough said of Melanie Wilkes. That besides her kindness, she was the strongest and wisest person I've ever known. She saw only the best in people, and it seems we all behaved and lived a little better because of her. After all, who would want to disappoint Mellie?"

That was the only point it seemed Scarlett might cry, but she moved on. She regained her composure and flashed her green eyes.

"I'm afraid all of this sadness would disappoint her as well. She very recently spoke to me after my daughter's passing. And the things she said… well, I won't get into them here. But she helped me so… and how I wish she was here now."

Scarlett stopped there, though it seemed she had more to say. But her eyes were swollen with tears that wouldn't fall. They just made her green eyes glassy. She sat down next to Rhett. He suspected had they been another type of couple, he would take her hand, or she would take his. But neither made that move. But Scarlett sat strangely close to him, as if he was still hers. He laughed to himself that her finest hour seemed to be when he walked out on her. She never looked better or stronger. He was skeptical. Maybe she was acting a part.

After the funeral, with everyone at the Wilkes' home, Scarlett made eye contact with Rhett again.

"You look terrible Rhett."

"Not everyone glows at a funeral, my dear."

"No need to call me dear, Rhett. I'm a big girl. And I am not glowing and you know it."

"I didn't mean to imply that you were joyous. I do believe you finally found a portion of your heart. Congratulations."

They stood side by side, but were anything but. Rhett's words seemed to wound Scarlett, and she had long given up wearing a mask in front of Rhett, for he could read her anyway. But she had an air of confidence that he hadn't seen from her in so long. And she lifted her chin up to him, and instead of glaring, she looked at him in a way that mimicked how he had often looked at her. As if she knew more than him. As if she loved him and pitied him at the same time. It was disarming. And then she whispered to him something more disarming.

"If I agree to divorce you, can I ask something of you?"

"I suppose." Rhett was still trying to read her…

"When you are around me, even if it's while passing on the street… can you at least be kind? We couldn't be kind to each other when we were married. Haven't you had enough? I'm tired… "

Rhett had no smug answer for that.

"That may be the smartest thing you have ever said."

That almost amused Scarlett. She spoke to Rhett lazily, almost as if he was an afterthought. Still, she came up with some sarcasm for good measure.

"Well, I say so many smart things..."

Rhett almost laughed, then remembered where they were. He glanced at Ashley. He still couldn't find it in him to hate the guy. He felt so badly for him. And envious. More now for his marriage to Mellie, then for the fact that he held Scarlett's heart in his hand for so long. All her acts of heroism for Mellie, any good deed she had ever done… had always been for Ashley.

Scarlett caught him looking at Ashley and looked away for a moment.

"Rhett, if you have a moment, I would like to talk to you in private."

"Oh please, Scarlett..."

"There is nothing more pressing than the state of our marriage. Or soon-to-be former marriage."

"And I thought your mind and heart were with Melanie."

"Melanie doesn't need us mourning her. She is probably up in heaven mourning us."

Rhett was surprised. He had spent so many years congratulating himself on being able to predict her actions and her thoughts. Why had it taken him leaving her, to suddenly see everything clearly?

"You seem surprised that I can utter one sentence on someone else's behalf."

Again, Rhett was dumbfounded, but trying not to reveal it.

"Alright, Scarlett. We can talk for a minute in the parlor."

When they entered the small room, Scarlett closed the door. People had been watching them, probably surprised that Rhett was even there. She paced back and forth before him a few times, while Rhett sat down, waiting for the old Scarlett to emerge. He couldn't help but think about the first time they spoke, and how she had forced Ashley into a room to profess her love. He hoped it would not be something so pitiful. But she did not have the same expression on her face. It was as if all her Irish rage had emerged. It was actually quite pleasant.

"I have been thinking for days about what I would like to say to you."

"Scarlett-"

"Please, Rhett. I let you make your grand exit from our home. Now let me say my goodbye."

"It wasn't meant to be grand. It was just a long-time coming."

"I know. But I think it's still a terrible thing to leave someone alone with their thoughts in a big house."

She looked out the window, hiding a certain element of her despair. But Rhett could not muster up sympathy for her.

"I can't apologize for that. I can't help that you finally felt what I have felt for so long. Do you want a me to congratulate you for normal human emotions? Or for finally seeing what a blind person could have seen long ago?"

She ignored this. She was not letting him bait her.

"No one but you appreciates the irony more, I suppose. I come to tell you that we can make it work, and you're gone. I saw it in your eyes as soon as I saw you in that chair…"

Scarlett winced a little at the memory.

"Still, all the thoughts in my head seem to lead to the same revelation."

Rhett had expected the word "love" to come next.

"You were right about a lot of things, Rhett. A lot of things. You and I were never meant to be married. To each other, or to anyone. Sometimes I think if we had waited, things would have been better. Sometimes I hate you for proposing after Frank died. You promised me fun, remember? Can't hate you for that. We did have fun. In New Orleans. Even when Bonnie was born… And I was so sorry at first, when you left… blaming myself. With such guilt, such regret… I felt like you at the end of the war, joining the fight when all was lost. And then a thought came to me in the middle of the night that finally allowed me to get to sleep. I don't have regrets Rhett, and I'm not all that sorry. I'm not sorry that I changed after the war, Rhett. I'm not sorry that without me, Tara would be lost. Melanie would have died years ago, and her baby never would have made it out of Atlanta. Sorry that I couldn't be like Bonnie, without a care in the world? You think I wasn't a little jealous of her? I don't hate you Rhett, but I can hate you for telling me that you loved me for what I was before the war but not after." (she paused, thinking hard about the meaning of it all…) You weren't there. To see what I saw when I came home. To think I'm running home to see my mother and she's dead. To turn to my father and realize his mind is far gone. To realize that I had to be a mother, a father and a farmer to everyone in that house. Or that I had to run to you and beg for money. I'm sorry it ruined me for you. But it ruined me. I remembered something Ashley told me. That you and him were not so far apart. When he told me that, I thought it was an insult to him of course. He said you and he thought the same way, just acted differently. And now I see the same look in both your eyes. And I cant make either of you better."

"Comical, isn't it? I was telling you the truth about the day of Ashley's party. Perhaps all was already lost then, but I kept wanting to tell you that nothing happened. I think I knew then that I didn't want him. But I couldn't face it. The time that I wasted loving him. We've been so cruel to each other. Yes, we're too alike I think. Stubborn and proud, and it's gotten us nowhere. How I envy Ashley and Melanie… all their lives, so sure of who they love and so sure that person loved them back…"

Rhett was quite taken back that Scarlett would admit to envy. She had been so jealous of Melanie for so long, and now as some of that envy faded, she was admitting to it."

"I too want to slow down. I want to live at Tara. Will swears he won't sell it, but everyone has their price I suppose. I want to raise my children. Maybe those two are the only people I have left in this world, and goddamn it. I am going to earn their love. Win it back. I want to sell our house; there are memories there that seem to live in the furniture. Neither of us needs to worry about running out of money. Ashley said he might turn the mill back over to me. He doesn't think he can run it right now. I'm sure Sue Ellen will get a kick out of me living with her as the aging spinster with no one around to love her. She'll pretend to be kind, while pitying me. And I don't even care. "

And just as she seemed to have finished her verbal reverie, she continued.

"I'm so sick of the word love, Rhett… I could scream at the sound of it sometimes. I think that staying at Tara, having some lazy days in the library, reading a book by the fire…"

Rhett almost chuckled at this as well. His wife who apparently loved him, and was so being so honest and so intuitive… all qualities she had never possessed.

"Oh Scarlett, I appreciate your words immensely, but are you to become a retiring intellectual?"

Scarlet smiled a little.

"I'm just tired, Rhett and there's still more to do. I will have to take care of Beaux, because you know that Ashley could barely take care of himself."

_All these words would have meant the world to him_, Rhett thought. And now, only humor and irony filled his thoughts. Scarlett glanced at him, reading his mind. It occurred to him that she kept looking at him, as he had always looked at her. Studying her and understanding her, and now it seemed she could read his mind. But she continued talking. It seemed her words had been released from a cage, where no one had been listening to her. And now, she unleashed every single thought she had. He always loved how she talked to him. But she never appreciated how special it was to have someone who understands your motivations and the way you see the world. Now it seemed she was talking to him as if they would never talk again. He almost felt guilty.

"You know, you and I walked around life so arrogant, thinking we knew everything. Life really showed us, didn't it? We sat around pitying Ashley and Melanie. And everyone thought that Melanie was so foolish and blind. Now I think she was the smartest person I ever knew. She probably knew I loved Ashley. Maybe she didn't know that I dreamed of the day he'd run away with me- "

(at this point, her candor surprised both her and Rhett. She never spoke so honestly about her dreams of Ashley. Rhett found it almost refreshing, as if it meant that she truly did not want him back. It was a relief. But a puzzle, nonetheless.)

She finally ran out of things to say… and her words just stopped and she sat down in a chair, as if she had released so much of a burden.

Rhett began to get up from the sofa.

"Well, it is quite a lovely thing to know that your conscience is clear and you seem to have recovered from everything."

His sarcasm seemed to wound Scarlett slightly, and it made him embarrassed for some reason. He wasn't quite sure how to deal with her. Scarlett leaned towards him and nudged him back down.

"Rhett, I just said that I wasn't sorry for most things. But, you of all people, should know… my heart is quite heavy…"

Rhett looked at her, wanting to fight back with an answer but silent. She bent over him and put her hand on his cheek. She looked at him so directly, so unafraid to be exposed, that it seemed to leave him exposed.

"When Bonnie died, and I blamed you… And I know you think it's childlike to think that saying I'm sorry makes any difference. So maybe it is only for my own well-being I say this. I'm sorry.

Rhett's eyes first became blank, and then glass, but without tears. Just black glass.

"I know you doubted that I loved her, but I loved her so… I really loved her. Not as much as you, but I don't think anyone ever loved a child more than you loved her. I can't bring her back, and I can't bring you back. There's such a sadness in you now. And I can't bring Melanie back to Ashley. But it's alright…"

"I know I said all I wanted was kindness and respect. But I want something else. Take care of yourself, Rhett. (She was whispering now, almost afraid she would break his trance.) You're twice the man you ever thought you were. Or I thought you were."

"In the next year, we will file for divorce. The gossip won't bother me. We've endured enough gossip being married, so it should be no different."

Rhett didn't answer. Her words had put him in a trance. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Softly and quickly, so he couldn't see it coming or back away.

She walked out the door quietly. And before the door closed, Rhett had one more question.

"Scarlett, did you give India a black eye?"

Scarlett smiled a little, with her back towards Rhett.

"Just know that she deserved it."

And so Rhett left. A few words to Ashley and he was gone. He felt free. Better than he had when he left Scarlett. Amused by the fact that they seemed to live life backwards, loving each other the most when they weren't acting as husband and wife. They lived by different rules, and Scarlett seemed to finally see it. He was happy that he had a last memory of her now, not with her pleading for him to stay, but for letting him go. It had been so long since she had surprised him. And with some peace of mind, he finally made his way to Charleston.


	3. Games Between A Happy, Separate Couple

November 1874 (please excuse possible date disparities. Still trying to work out.) Beaux turned 10 in september. Wade turning 12 in February. Scarlett is turning 30 within a few months. Rhett approx. 46.

If Rhett had stayed at Melanie's wake and funeral long enough, someone would have mentioned the big brawl between India and Scarlett. But he wouldn't find out about that till more than a year later.

In the year after Melanie died, Scarlett, began a transformation that was noted all over social circles in Atlanta. Some would claim that they finally saw what Melanie Wilkes saw in Scarlett O'Hara. Others thought that she was trying too hard. More than a few thought she was planning to divorce her husband and finally get Ashley to marry her. But still, Scarlett was no Melanie Wilkes. But, people noted that she paid little attention to Ashley and months went by, with no separation from Rhett Butler in sight. In the days following Melanie's death, she had after all, punched India Wilkes clear across the face, and made a mysterious visit to the home of Belle Watling. Many said that if she didn't have money, she would just be considered poor white trash. But what made Scarlett almost mythical, was that she didn't care. She didn't hide behind her scandalous acts anymore. She was kind and polite to everyone, but not phony. She no longer gave compliments she didn't mean. She no longer flirted with other women's husbands.

The easiest transition for her seemed to be winning over her children. Ella was only seven years old, and unlike Wade, hadn't known as much tragedy. She hadn't known the war. Scarlett felt she was most like Sue Ellen, which was unnerving, as she was the child that should have been Sue Ellen's. Ella had looked like Frank as a baby, but was turning out to favor the O'Hara side. Maybe it was just because she had only known her mother's side of the family. It was hard for Scarlett to not compare her to Bonnie. But without Bonnie right there for the comparison, Scarlett became able to see that Ella was at least not dim. And Scarlett made it a point to make sure the child paid attention to school and knew how to add and subtract. Scarlett had found compassion, but she couldn't tolerate stupidity and was relieved that the child was able to learn. Not that Frank was dumb; he had been a decent businessman. It was just that Scarlett was far better in math than all her husbands, even Rhett. And so Ella's memory was easily rectified. Scarlett even took the time to buy her extraordinarily beautiful clothing, making up for her early inattentiveness. And since Ella was a little bit like Sue Ellen, and maybe even a bit like Scarlett, she took the gifts happily. Within a few months, the dear child believed that was practically a princess. And that maybe when she was a baby, she had had as much attention lavished up on her as Bonnie did. Scarlett casually told her stories about how Frank had acted as insanely with her as Rhett had with Bonnie. How they used to fight over who would get to take her to the mill. She told Ella never to trust a man who didn't love and spoil his daughters. Wade was another story. He had a sadness about him that healed more slowly. He had a quiet resolve and an overdeveloped sense of his responsibility. And even though they had servants, he had an almost compulsive need to help out. He also spent a lot of time at the Wilkes' home.

But what really made her the center of attention in Atlanta was the fact that she began to donate money to charitable causes as if it were going out of style. Every new schoolhouse in a 50-mile radius seemed to have come across her. She would come in her carriage with some chaperone, and very quickly talk to teachers about what they needed. And southern schools needed plenty. She was known to buy new dresses for the girls. She sent money to her sister Careen to give to her church. She practically demanded the renovation of certain schoolhouses. When teachers would plead with her to accept a gift for her generosity, she would only take some old, tattered book and read it at home. Reading still frustrated her, not because it was difficult, but because she never agreed with the writer. She never understood the point. She was cynical about love, and more cynical about war stories. She knew that both never turned out the way poets described. She would huff and puff about how a real war story would talk about dysentery and limbs being cut off. And love… well, her love life, to her dismay, had turned out as equally horrific. But she began to read nonetheless, and sometimes found some humor in something. She wanted to ask Ashley for some of Melanie's books, but she just decided to buy new copies in Atlanta. Shakespeare, Dickens' _A Christmas Story_, Hugo's _Les Miserables_. She could never separate herself from the stories though. She was Scrooge or the Thenardiers. She was Eponine lusting after Marius. And when all ended okay in the book, she'd realize nothing had been reconciled in hers.

Of course, Scarlett was never a fool with her money. She knew enough about money and business to be sure she would never to get swindled. She had enough experience buying and spending money to be quite confident. And she no longer bothered to act simpleminded and dense in front of men. She would make quick calculations in her head, add up the money they needed, the money she donated, and her profit margin before most men had even taken their pens out to make the calculations. She came up with figures faster than they ever could, and didn't even acknowledge their surprised glances. The little girls in Atlanta secretly, and some not-so-secretly, worshipped her. Sometimes, shamelessly, she would mention Bonnie and say that it was in her daughter's honor that she gave this money to the underprivileged. She would also tell them that it was her husband's idea to give so much of what they had made to charities and schools. And she signed each check as Mr. and Mrs. Rhett Butler. She figured she may not be Mrs. Butler forever, and she was happy that their names were together on something good and pure. And though the positive attention made her happy, she couldn't help but feel that Melanie and her mother were up in heaven smiling at her. Even when she wasn't sure she believed in heaven, she still allowed herself to think about them on a cloud somewhere, looking down on it all. Sometimes she thought of telling Rhett that, just for his own amusement.

She still thought of Rhett every day, if not every hour, wondering when he was going to come back and comment on her charitable causes. He, who knew that she would mock most charities and chastise Melanie for all her good deeds. She wanted him to know that she was doing well, and doing good things. And she wondered if he could love her as a good woman, and not some petulant, spoiled child. She remembered all the times he had been around her, watching her, thoroughly entertained. And it always unnerved her. And now, sometimes, she would search for his eyes somewhere in a crowd. Rhett knew everything about everything; surely, he would come back. At least, out of pure curiosity. She found it hard sometimes. Though no one ever saw it in her face or demeanor, sometimes she would feel the overwhelming sadness of having lost everything. Missing her parents and Bonnie and Melanie and Rhett so much. She cried at night at Tara. She was happy to be there, and felt safe and comfortable. And she never had her old nightmare, where she was lost in the woods. And when she would wonder why, she just figured that she wasn't lost anymore. She knew everything she needed to know, and had lost so much. She dreamt of the past a lot, and that upset her. She was never one to dream of that past. But almost every night, in blurry sequences, she would see her life and all the people in it, which was almost pleasant except that she'd wake up missing everyone. Sometimes she would consider calling for Mammy, but Mammy was so old… and she had put her through enough.

Scarlett more than ever, found she had to fill every second of the day, for fear of thinking about the past. Thinking about Rhett. Part of her wanted to run to him and make a fool out of herself. Go to Charleston and convince his family to bring him back somehow. She would have felt better if she knew that he was out on the town, like the old Rhett Butler. But she had this gnawing feeling that he wasn't all right. She couldn't bear the thought of getting a telegram one day, saying that he was dead… and when she didn't have a book to read in the study, she would still go to that reliable brandy, and drink her thoughts away.

When Rhett left Melanie's wake, she immediately had a telegram sent to his family, saying that he was not in good spirits, and his daughter's death had taken a lot out of him. She told them to please be kind and patient with him, and allow him to stay there as long as he likes.

So a year went by, and Scarlett continued her various charities and her business at the mill. She even put a stop to hiring cheap labor or ex-convicts. She claimed that since the business finally had success, they could pay employees. When she finished _A Christmas Carol_ (which was given to her by a teacher that loved Dickens), she would have seen the similarities between her and Scrooge having these sudden awakenings. But the beginning of the book scared her so much that she dreamt that Frank Kennedy's head was on her front door. She never continued it. She read other Dickens' novels though, remembering how Melanie had talked about his books at Twelve Oaks so many years ago. It was yet another way to feel closer to Melanie.

So Scarlett's days were filled, but just like an petulant child, she turned from one distraction to another. She even began cooking more, something she had vowed not to do if she could ever afford it. She found that the children were alarmed whenever she was in the kitchen. This small act concerned Mammy, who was the only one around who really knew Scarlett. One day she said, "Miss Scarlett, you can't keep running from your thoughts. That Captain Butler is no good to leave you alone for all this time. And even before Miss Bonnie passed, he certainly knew had to leave you for long spells."

Scarlett actually smiled at that, mostly because Mammy had gone back to calling Rhett "Captain Butler" instead of "Mista Rhett". Mammy and Rhett had gotten along so well at one point. Thinking of the red petticoat Rhett had bought her, Scarlett planned to go into town and buy Mammy some things. And she had planned to tell Mammy to ease up on chores again. It was out of pure selfishness, of course. Scarlett couldn't bear losing Mammy right now.

One thing on Scarlett's mind was to find a wife for Ashley and a husband for India. Neither was an easy task. And neither could know that she was attempting this. Ashley was still significantly depressed. And India had the stigma of being an old maid. She would have to find India someone older. Ashley would need someone like Melanie; someone just so good and decent that he would feel it was Melanie all over again. Her true goal was to get Ashley married and off to New York for the banking job he wanted years ago. Sending Ashley off might help her get Rhett back. Yes, in all her independence, she still wanted Rhett. Her cynicism would never go as far as believing that he wasn't coming back. He had told her he didn't believe in second chances and fixing what was broken. But she couldn't help believe there was something new to be had. She had toyed with the idea of sending him a telegram saying "You have a wife that loves you and wants to take care of you. Please come home." She even wrote it down and kept it in a drawer in her bedroom. Someday, maybe she would send it.

She had left Ashley alone, not being able to bear the guilt that Rhett had told her was "her cross to bear." The guilt of all the years she had wished Melanie would die or Ashley would leave her. India and Aunt Pittypat stayed with him. He cried and cried, and only stopped to attend to Beaux. She was so jealous that he had Beaux and she didn't have Bonnie.

So in November of 1874, she finally heard from Rhett. He sent a letter, politely thanking her for contacting his family. She found it a positive thing that he sat down to write her a letter, but there was still an irritating casualness to the letter.

_Dear Scarlett,_

_My thanks regarding you contacting my family. I shall stay in Charleston a few weeks longer, as I have found ways to help my family, and they have found it in their hearts and minds to allow me to. I hear you have been making use of your time (and my money). No worries though. Maybe there is enough money in the world to save our reputations (and our souls). On a side note, my family is quite insistent (against my wishes of course) on visiting you at Tara. Please let me know if this is acceptable to you._

_Regards to Wade and Ella,_

_Rhett_

Of course, Scarlett found the letter to be typical of Rhett. He was clearly doing everything he said he would. Treating her with open kindness and politeness, but still not resisting sarcasm. Not signing "Love, Rhett" or "Your Husband, Rhett".

She sent a letter to him the next day, telling him that as long as he was her husband, he and his family would always be welcome at Tara. She even added that even if some calamity should befall their marriage, he and his family would still be welcome at Tara. And she signed it, _Love, Your Wife, Scarlett._

One Tuesday afternoon, she had fallen asleep reading Shakespeare in the study, when her husband came to visit her. He enjoyed seeing her at Tara. She had given Sue Ellen and Will far more than Tara was worth, and even when sleeping, she looked content, with rosy cheeks again.

He came in so quietly that she didn't even wake up. And when her sleepy eyes opened, she thought she was still dreaming. He stood before her, looking thin and worn, but still handsome. He couldn't help looking handsome. She rubbed her eyes and crinkled her green eyes in a bit of confusion.

"Rhett, is that really you?"

"In the flesh, my dear."

She was annoyed that he still had that false, casual way about him. She almost wanted him to be more like the Rhett that walked out on her. Sad, disillusioned, but brutally honest.

"You look terrible. Are you sick?"

"I knew I could get some refreshing honesty here. Everyone in Charleston tells me I look great. I suppose one might consider me visiting my wife some sort of mental breakdown… speaking of mental breakdowns, do my eyes deceive me? Or are you reading?"

"Oh Rhett… sorry to disappoint your illusions about your silly, illiterate wife. Clearly, you leaving me has caused a true mental breakdown." She couldn't help being sarcastic around him.

"Truth is, a teacher gave me a bunch of Shakespeare books to read, and I haven't found one I've enjoyed…"

"Oh, I would think Shakespeare would be an excellent study for you. Lady Macbeth, she's a very special lady."

"She's just your type. Doesn't seem to really care for her husband. If she was real, I would try and fix you two up…. DAMN, DAMN DAMN!"

"Oh dear, you are having a nervous breakdown…"

"You caught me off guard. I'm sleepy."

"Well, I would hope that sarcasm is the one thing that survives our marriage. And you are right, I think I would take an interest in Lady Macbeth."

"At least I never ordered you to kill…"

Rhett smiled again.

"True indeed. I read them years ago. When there was nothing else for southern gentleman to do. Not bad stuff."

"Interesting that you describe yourself as a southern gentleman. Well I hated Macbeth. It seems to me Shakespeare enjoyed blaming war and violence on women. 'Oh, it must be his evil wife! Or the witches. Or Hamlet's mother!' And don't get me started on Romeo and Juliet."

Rhett laughs.

"That one does seem a little… naïve for your tastes. Scarlett, I must declare that a separation has never looked so good on a woman. My instincts were correct. Me leaving you has turned you into a better person."

Her face almost formed a pout, but she held it in. The word "separation" irked her to no end.

"Let's not romanticize your exit."

Rhett enjoyed the way she said things now with such flat matter-of-factness.

"They will be here in a few weeks."

Scarlett stood up and regained some alertness.

"How long will you be here? Have you told them about your plans to divorce?"

"Well, not in so many words… I suppose I don't care about the reputation of you and I. But they are the only family I have… so you might have to put up with me a little longer. I will stay here until they arrive, and then leave with them, if you don't mind."

Scarlett kept trying to hide how annoyed she was with the direction of the conversation. Rhett never said things like "if you don't mind" to her. She walked a little closer to him, studying him in an almost intrusive way.

"It seems to me there is more to that story, no? (she did not wait for an answer). Rhett… I never asked for a divorce, nor do I want one. I only agreed that if you supply me the papers, I will sign them. You're going to have to make up your mind soon Rhett. If you want to marry someone else, hell… I'll throw you the wedding myself. But you can't have everything your way…"

And she walked out of the room, clearly agitated.

As she left, she said, "I think I am going to plan a small party for your family, as long as _you don't mind_. I don't feel we opened our arms to them quite enough. Family is very important to me now. I think they would enjoy feeling welcomed here. And if it's not too much trouble, please go find Ella and Wade and give them whatever gifts you've brought them…"

Rhett smiled and Scarlett continued talking.

"Oh I know that you haven't lost all your manners. The guiltier you are, the more extravagant the gifts are…"

Rhett stood there. It seemed the more honest Scarlett was with him, the more dumbfounded he became. What part of the story didn't she believe? And why was she right? He almost didn't want to stay at Tara, even though Scarlett had an old room fixed up as if a king were staying there. He didn't know how to deal with Scarlett or himself anymore. She loved him, but felt she couldn't have him. She was regretful, but honest enough to know she would live her life the same. She was mad at him, but not enough to yell.

And now he was mad that she was still stronger than him. And suddenly mad that she saw through his departure. Mad that he couldn't seem to come up with divorce papers to hand her, even though she said she would sign them. Mad that he was mad and not indifferent. He knew how to handle her in the days that she wasn't motivated by his love, but instead motivated by his money. And he couldn't really punish her financially. Even if he took her money away, she would find a way to get it all back. It was enough to drive him mad all over again. But he did not have the strength to chase her or run from her. He was happier at Tara than he had ever been. And even she had said that maybe they weren't meant to be married.

She never had such instincts about him before, and the less time he spent with her, the smarter she became. The truth wasn't quite as interesting as she might suspect. It's just that his mother and sister had really given him a lot of guilt about leaving his wife. And it wasn't the stigma of divorce that they talked about. It was the idea of leaving a woman who had lost her child. A woman that they suspected, he had chased and talked into marrying him against her will (they knew quite well about his reputation). Of course, they didn't really know Scarlett well enough, or that she was drunk when he proposed to her. But what they said haunted him on a certain level. He had forced her hand. He had married her knowing that she loved Ashley. She had told him so. And part of his leaving was to reclaim himself, to stop feeling ashamed. But it didn't seem to work. And to his dismay and joy, Scarlett was better without him. Honest about herself, her life, her love for him. She seemed happy to love him from afar. Part of him wanted to be insulted that she didn't chase him and look at him longingly, like she had with Ashley. Part of him wanted to test her limits.

Part of him wished he had taken her up on the offer she made to him in jail years ago. How crazy was it that the more audacious she was, the more he was crazy about her. He laughed sometimes remembering how elaborate her hoax had been at first. How she had pretended to be worried about him. How boring that would have been. Now, he didn't doubt her authenticity.

Maybe if she had just been his mistress, he would not have had the sadness of living as an unhappy husband. Now, he wanted to be around her, but only at a distance. Only to see what she would do next. Like so many years ago, when he would hear about how she married her sister's beaux and be amused for days. But he wasn't amused so much anymore. There was a silent challenge between them. She wasn't pretending she didn't love him and she wasn't pretending that she was desperate. It was the ultimate act of respect. It was honest and calculating at the same time. It was brilliant. It was a game he wasn't sure he knew how to play.


	4. Joining The Circus

Rhett stayed at Tara for three weeks, while Scarlett effortlessly made plans for a small party, welcoming his family to their new home. Rhett wasn't sure how to describe the event. They had formerly had decadent and almost embarrassing parties, with Scarlett shopping like a lunatic to make sure that they had the most expensive everything. But this time, though she put in just as much time, she had seemingly learned the art of restraint, developing her own subdued style. He no longer had to pronounce the words of items she wanted in magazines. And she no longer picked decorations just because they were the latest fad for rich, bored people. She knew how to pick the wine and the good. She worried about people's impressions and whether they would be comfortable. She had become, in her own right, an amazing southern woman. Rhett thought that she had actually found the piece of herself that could be like her mother. He had known of her mother's greatness, but had never actually met her. But much like Melanie, she had a reputation as a woman that commanded respect with good manners and a quiet dignity. Scarlett had almost found that, and he was happy for her, though she could never entirely hide from him the parts of her personality that were straight from her father. Those were the parts of her he loved most. But she had always wanted to be her mother, and he often, quite cruelly chastised her for that. She had always sought her mother's approval, even after death, and Rhett knew… he truly knew that it wasn't an act for his sake. It was as if she was making herself happy because she could not depend on Rhett to come back to her. She knew she had to survive regardless.

Of course, she had done a million things that her mother never would have. She did not feign humbleness or embarrassment for being strong or smart or rich. She suddenly had a sense of entitlement; as if she knew how to find buried treasure, which was odd to the rest of society that thought she had lost everything. Rhett wrestled over whether he still felt love for her, or just a little admiration… or was it resentment that she was not the begging fool that he had walked out on. They lived at Tara, almost as if they were brother and sister. The servants, except Mammy, treated him as if he never left Scarlett, which they all suspected he had. Scarlett didn't avoid him, as she once had when they were fighting. She didn't avoid his gaze. She greeted him with courteous greetings, sometimes asking his opinion for the party, as if he was her friendly business partner. She seemed to treat him with the same fondness that she had when Frank was alive and he would take her home from the mill. She was finally comfortable with him; more so than ever. She used to be puzzled by him, but knew that he could be depended on.

She even came to him one day and respectfully discussed Bonnie's things, and how Rhett should be the one to decide what things to keep. She mentioned a scholarship fund she had created in their name at an all girls' private school. Young girls would be able to go to grade school at an expensive school, and have it paid for by the Butlers. Rhett tried to find fault with it, but he was pleased. _Count on Scarlett to make something good out of something bad._ She delicately brought up the paintings that he and Bonnie had posed for. He had overpaid more than a few painters, so they must have had fifteen paintings upstairs, each more lovely than the next. He had even permitted Scarlett to pose with them a few times. The last few done were just of him and Bonnie or just Bonnie alone. There was one of Bonnie on her pony that Scarlett didn't even mention.

The paintings laid next to a trunk full of Bonnie's beautiful things. Rhett couldn't bear to look at anything, which he politely told Scarlett. Going through everything made Scarlett tear up a little and she sat in the room upstairs mourning her daughter all over again. And then mourning her parents and Melanie. She then created a room for her parents and Bonnie and Melanie, with all the items they had left behind. She painted it blue and green and she didn't want it to be a sad room. It became a source of peacefulness for her. She put a bed in it and began to read there, like a child sneaking off to her treehouse. She just laid on the bed, and imagined that those four important people were a little closer to her.

Wade and Ella acted even less friendly than the servants to Rhett. They just didn't seem to feel comfortable around him, and Rhett couldn't help laughing at how they had warmed up to Scarlett in so little time. It wasn't as if he saw them embracing or saw Scarlett reading stories to them, but he sensed that things of that sort had occurred. Sometimes they even called him "Sir".

Scarlett made sure Rhett's needs were met for every meal. Rhett didn't know that she had been quite clear with the servants on how to treat him… not to be overly cordial, and to only aid him with things he really needs or asks for. She had ordered a plethora of his favorite cigars and his favorite brandy, which he couldn't help smiling at. And when he thanked her for it, in his most cordial and impersonal tone, she actually grinned, and with the sarcasm he had told her he welcomed, she said, "Why, Rhett! I do so very little of my required wifely duties… it was the least I could do!" And then she walked past him in the hall, bustling about with errands to do in town. _Divorcing her might prove troublesome,_ he thought….

To get his mind back to where it had been when he left Scarlett, he decided to pay Belle a visit. She seemed happy to see him and they embraced in a warm and platonic way, which surprised Rhett, because it still made him happy. He hadn't seen Belle in over a year, and her age showed more than ever. She was only a few years younger than him, but she had gained weight and her face had added more than a few lines. Of course, she was thinking the same thing about him. Still, her warmness showed through, and she was the only one whom he felt he could really be himself with. She poured him a drink and they sat in the same room that she had sat in with his wife. Belle thought of that day immediately and burst out with it.

"I can't believe it has taken you so long to come back! You must not have heard about who paid me a visit last year!"

"I am quite out-of-touch with the local gossip…"

"Your wife! She is a bigger handful than I think you realized…"

Rhett grinned.

"Oh, I doubt that… She actually came here….?"

"In the early morning, like the most natural, normal thing in the world. She said you had left and she wasn't sure whether you were coming back. Girl can certainly make an entrance!"

"Was she begging and pleading for help getting me back?"

"Only in your dreams, Rhett. No. She was… dare I say, totally calm. Eerily calm."She had a letter for you. She said if you passed through here, I should give it to you…."

Rhett began laughing more than he had laughed in a long time.

"Well, you can't say that my wife isn't special?"

But Belle seemed serious.

"The appeal of Scarlett O'Hara has always been lost on me. I see that she's beautiful. But I always thought she was too mean for you."

"Oh, don't underestimate me Belle. I could be pretty mean myself."

Belle took note of this little introspection, but went on…

"I gotta tell you. When she walked in here, with her husband gone, and God knows the whole town didn't think much more of her than they thought of me… But I took a good look and finally saw what you've always seen in her. You gotta respect a woman who can come here, look me directly in the eye, and ask me kindly… oh yes, she actually seemed kind…To ask me to give you a letter… well, at least I didn't think you were completely crazy… as if giving husbands notes from their wives is my specialty! She was a real hoot. Girls here still talking about her."

"So happy to have your approval Belle! Now, where is this letter?"

"Oh, let me get it."

She took a key dangling from around her neck and opened a box in the drawer at the bottom of an armoire. She gave Rhett the letter, and he read it. He had been hoping for something else, because all it said was "We have some business to discuss" which they already had.

"Dividing up your assets?"

Rhett grinned at that as well.

"No… (whispering). That's my girl."

Rhett was proud that she hadn't written him a blathering letter. He remembered her at sixteen professing her love to Ashley and that would have embarrassed him. Belle didn't hear his mumble. Rhett continued.

"I'm just happy there are no tear stains on it. All business."

"That's too bad for ya, Rhett."

"Oh don't worry about me. There's a lot of love here. You just have to read between the lines."

Rhett showed her the note.

"Strange birds, you two are."

Belle paused, searching his eyes for clues, and not embarrassed to either.

"And the fight she had with India Wilkes?"

Rhett looked at her with a clueless expression.

"I suspected something…"

Belle seemed so excited to share all this gossip with him. They were like old ladies gossiping on a porch.

"Well, I didn't hear it firsthand. But a few of the girls were around, and they made no secret of the fact that they watched and listened to every word."

"Apparently, hours after Scarlett came here, she was with her sister in town, making sure everything was perfect for the wake. India met her in town, and for no obvious reason… maybe it was the grief of Mrs. Wilkes' death… India went after Scarlett…"

"Went after?"

"Started yelling horrible things at her. Without any worry about who heard her. Probably thought everyone was thinking it anyway. That she married her husbands for money. That she was happy Mrs. Wilkes was dead. That she was, and I quote, a miserable and horrible human being, waiting to marry Ashley… even Sue Ellen was supposedly tongue-tied."

"And what did Mrs. Butler say?"

"Well, at first, nothing. Looked at her like a dog on the street. She said a few things about how we are all grieving and that India didn't mean those things. But the girls… they say, she was dying to scream back. And when she began to walk away from India, who was just hysterical…"

"She punched her?"

"Actually, not at that point. I hesitate to tell you this, Rhett… what India said was about you as well…"

"Oh, I'm an old man. And I get quite lonely when people aren't running about saying things about me. India Wilkes can't call me anything that others haven't…"

Belle did not seem so sure.

"Well, nonetheless, it was cruel. And quite honestly, India hasn't been able to recover much of her reputation since… she pulled your wife by the hair and told her that she is a bad, evil woman. And that bad people die alone… and all her bad deeds were a black cloud hanging over her."

Rhett almost gasped at the cruelty, but then he thought of the things he had said to Scarlett, and was ashamed. Was Scarlett really bad and evil? Was it easier for him to pretend that he was morally superior to her in any way?

"And then… she said that you and Scarlett deserved each other and that Melanie was too good to see how rotten the two of you are. That you two were cursed and that… and that curse was the reason your daughter died… and she said that the two of you didn't have the sense to tell your daughter not to ride and jump fences and-".

Belle whispered the last sentence. She had meant to omit the part about jumping fences.

"I wasn't sure to tell you. But I couldn't bear the thought of you running into India and tipping your hat with any kind of politeness."

Rhett was silent. He just muttered, "And so it goes…"

Belle sat beside him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Your wife, though, bless whatever heart she does have… Turned around so quickly and wiped every thought and word right off of India Wilkes. My girls say they never saw a woman punch another woman and send her straight to the ground. And they say she didn't even look back to see if she was alright."

Rhett smiled. It was a brief escape from the sadness he had felt moments before. Because those horrible words that India had spoken… were things he thought himself so often. He was just happy and proud of her. And once again the nagging thought came to him that he hadn't left Scarlett but freed her. It was crushing to the ego, but he did find a certain peace about it.

Belle broke his trance.

"Rhett…. What really happened between you two?"

Rhett poured himself another drink. One would think he would find other ways to pass the time at Belle Watling's house, but drinking with Belle and talking to her seemed like a priority.

He was on his third drink, and since he never confessed to a priest, Belle would have to do.

"Oh, you might as well ask me to tell you about the war…"

Belle thought for many seconds.

"I don't know if you stopped loving your wife… or… I hate to say it, Rhett. But you look terrible?"

"Have you and my wife begun having tea together?"

Belle smiled at her dear friend, knowing him all too well.

"You're not the first man I've come across that can't take the loss of a child. So many lost their sons to the war and their daughters to something else. But you always swore that if the opportunity arose, your wife would run to Ashley Wilkes. And yet, she lives her life, and doesn't seem to care for him at all. Makes me wonder if you're as smart as I thought you were…"

"Well, my intellect is certainly up for debate. But don't be foolish. She loved him for half her life. "

"What about now?"

"She loved him when I proposed to her. She told me so."

Belle sipped her drink slowly, thinking slowly. Knowing just what to say.

"To promise marriage to a woman who tells you she loves another… that's a special circumstance. Strange birds, you two are for sure. Yet, you're still here. You two were like children playing in the schoolyard, calling each other names and pulling each other's hair. A lot of men don't love their wives. A lot of wives don't love their men. That's a secret not that many people know, but you and I know it. Your wife knows it. Doesn't make it easy to live with."

Belle suddenly became a little embarrassed about going on and on. But usually Rhett interrupted her. But this time, he sat in his reverie, nodding, only hearing bits and pieces, because he knew the words were true.

""But your wife loves you and you know it."

Rhett smiled because, he would realize later, those words reminded him of something Melanie would say. As if it was easy and obvious, and quickly rectified.

"Nonetheless, she's never looked or seemed happier. She hates when I point that out. But you should see her now."

"She is suddenly looked upon quite favorably. Lots of people saying that she truly must've been worthy to have been best friends with Mrs. Wilkes all those years. I have actually heard women defending her on the street. That maybe the war made her marry for convenience and such. Sometimes they even say nice things about you. Though your wife certainly gains more sympathy."

Rhett smiled a little at all the irony.

"See what I mean. Maybe we are better loving each other from afar?"

"Oh sure, no trouble there."

She approached Rhett and playfully moved his hair around.

"You do look terrible. Think of it like this. We're getting old. You may not have to spend much more time with your wife anyway."

Rhett laughed as she walked away. He wasn't there to be with her anyway. If a man had said those things to him, he would have probably killed him. But from Belle… it was almost maternal. The kind of candor his mother wouldn't express, though his mother could only guess at the complexities of him and Scarlett. Maybe he was just being dense.

Belle called down one of the other girls to spend the night with Rhett, though the kind of conversation they just had was a little bit too heavy for that. And after all, Belle was moving to New Orleans to be with her son within the year. Rhett was happy for her. Happy for anyone that had somewhere to go. She was always careful not to let any of the brunettes near him. Especially the ones with light eyes. This girl, Sarah, was one of the quietly affectionate girls, with red hair and almond brown eyes. No problems there.

When Rhett returned to Tara the next day, Scarlett was nowhere to be found. He figured she had gone to town. But it was the late afternoon and he figured she would be back soon. He tried to exchange pleasantries with Mammy, but she was in no mood.

"Miss Scarlett thought you had left and gone somewhere. Lord knows with you. Otherwise, she wouldn't have gone riding."

Rhett was dismissive when he spoke to Mammy.

"What does her riding have to do with me?" he asked as he tried to wander up the stairs.

But Mammy wanted to be heard.

"She just doesn't think you should see her riding. She thinks you'll tell her not to or it will make you sad. Then I tell her you a grown man. Then I correct myself and say that you might act like a little boy, but you a grown man. But the truth is, I don't want her riding. She's like her Daddy though. I still remember him riding behind Miss Ella's back and she's a child just like you. She rides every day when you're gone. Trying to outrun the devil, I tell her. But the demons and the devil will find you. But sometimes I think the only time she's smiling is when she comes in from riding. Ever since Will showed her that horse, she insists. Maybe she'll listen to you, cause lord knows, she ain't never listened to me…"

Rhett was so happy to be having any conversation with Mammy, that the implications weren't immediately clear. Between Bonnie and Scarlett's father, it did seem like bad luck was running through that family. But count on Scarlett not to believe in any of that.

Rhett walked along the property. He wanted to talk to Scarlett, but wasn't sure what to say. His family was coming tomorrow night, and he almost wanted to cancel the whole thing. He wanted to see what was really between him and his wife. Was it just a dream? It seemed wrong to stay and wrong to go. Maybe if he took her away for awhile… he had had that dream years before. He wouldn't want to take her from Tara for too long, but he wondered how they would do out there in the world, where no one knew who they were. Could they travel and eat at restaurants like they did in New Orleans? He smiled at how she used to eat until her stomach was bloated and extended. And how much fun she had in New Orleans drinking and eating and socializing with a far seedier element than she had ever been used to… He smiled remember how well she got along with Jimmy and the others.

And Tara seemed more beautiful than ever. It was thriving, along with Scarlett. Will had taken care of it for so many seasons, and it had the touch of a real farmer that loved the land. In the distance he saw her on a dark horse, galloping wildly, and so he walked towards the stables. She didn't see him, and all he could do was relish at the vision. All his thoughts about her morphing into her mother seemed far away. On that horse, with her green eyes wild, yet calm at the same time, Scarlett was her father. She was smiling to herself, and her hair was wild and wavy, unlike the tame, pulled-back hairstyles she had been wearing. And for some reason, Rhett wasn't worried about her on that horse. But when she saw him, her face seemed to settle down, and a puzzled expression was left on her face. It made Rhett remember why he thought they didn't have a future.

"Rhett, I had thought… I thought maybe you went back to Charleston and were canceling the party?"

Once again, her intuition wasn't far-off.

"I had some business to do in Atlanta. I would never cancel this party after you worked so hard."

"Oh, don't be silly. We've had bigger ones than this. I could plan a party with my eyes closed."

He guided her off the horse, thought she clearly didn't need his help.

"Mammy tells me that you don't go riding when I'm home. I think that's absolute nonsense, Scarlett."

She was a little stunned by his statement.

"Oh, Mammy finally decides to talk to you and it's to tell on me…"

"She just worries."

Scarlett searched Rhett's face for worry of his own. She couldn't read him this time and it seemed a million thoughts were nestled in his forehead.

"And you?"

"You look beautiful on that horse."

It was such a clear statement. So pure and simple, that Scarlett thought she heard wrong. She grinned.

"And why do I suddenly have a charming husband?"

"Maybe it's something I ate."

Scarlett flashed such a smile of pure happiness. She tried not to put too much hope in her face.

"You haven't met my horse… Will gave him to me. Most of the others went with him and Sue Ellen. He said that this one was unruly and didn't listen. But he seemed to take a liking to me. Then again, all I expect him to do is ride."

"What's his name?"

"Well, Will didn't even name him at first. He said he had roamed on the property and at first, came and went as he pleased. So of course, I thought… maybe we should name him Captain Butler."

Well, that was just too humorous to Rhett and he let out a huge laugh. _Divorcing her was definitely not going to come easy_… he could barely break himself away from her in that moment. But he was still trying to remain cool…

"I can definitely understand the resemblance."

She walked a little ahead of him, but turned her head back to look at him.

"Just a little around the eyes…"

They walked back to Tara together, not exactly hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm, but there was unspoken togetherness about it.

"You know Scarlett, I had a dream about you the other night."

"That's not unusual. I dream about you all the time."

_Oh, she is really laying on the flirtations, Rhett thought._ But he didn't mind.

"You were walking a tightrope high above Atlanta. Over the middle of town. I was surprised to see you there, but there you were… you were juggling too. It was amazing. And you looked down into the crowd and saw me and waved. Like it was the most normal thing in the world…"

Scarlett giggled. The image was quite amusing.

Rhett seemed to be seriously thinking about it. And when he looked up at Scarlett, she seemed to be thinking about it too. The sun was setting though and she looked radiant. Especially when she was thinking hard about something.

"Alright, Scarlett, what do you think it means?"

"Well, I don't think dreams mean anything but what the dream itself says. Don't listen to Miss Pittypat when she goes on and on about things that mean death. She will drive you crazy. I mean, during the war, she thought every dream meant someone was going to die. And I would tell her there is a war going on and that's why people are dying. What a fool!"

They approached the entrance at Tara, lost in their thoughts.

"I so rarely listen to Aunt Pittypat."

Scarlett leaned a little closer to him, studying him, in her usual, unnerving fashion. He longed for the days when he was the one leaning towards her.

"Maybe you think I'm doing too many things at once."

"Hmmm… maybe I think life is one big circus…"

"Maybe you think I'm putting on a show for you."

_Ouch, that one kind of hit the nail on the head, _Rhett said to himself.

"Maybe I feel like I'm surrounded by clowns…"

This time, Scarlett leaned in even closer. Her smile was softer now._ She knows she's winning, _Rhett thought. Her eyes looked into his and she took his face in her hands, which drove him completely mad.

"_Maybe you want to join the circus…"_

It was the silliest thing to say, and yet, it echoed in his head for the rest of the night.

And with that, they entered the house and became their usual polite selves. Like brother and sister again. But a door had opened. Scarlett had to know that he wouldn't be there if he didn't want to come back. All his speeches and nonsense. She didn't know how to make it final. The party was tomorrow and there was just too much going on.


	5. The Guest List

Scarlett had decided carefully as to who would be invited to her party. Or "their party". Whichever way you looked at it. She didn't want it to be thought of as big, or to bring attention to it. She wanted Rhett to have a good time, and maybe think for at least a moment that they could have a pleasant life together. She was scared though. She was scared that this was as close as they could get. Their marriage had been filled with so much venom, so much fighting, and she wasn't sure all that could go away. And it calmed her to just love Rhett. It lacked the drama of her love for Ashley. She would come to realize it was adult-love. Love that had come from loyalty and trust and understanding. Having Rhett at the house reminded her of her when her mother and father were alive. She had many memories of her mother taking care of her father, watching over him. The age-difference between her and Rhett wasn't quite as vast as her parents, but still, she found the similarities soothing. She was almost the age her mother was when she died. Most people pointed out how she was more like her father, but those people didn't know that her real strength came from her mother. It was her mother who came to Tara at just fifteen years old and managed everything, dutifully giving credit to her father. But Scarlett knew, even at a young age, that her mother was smarter than her father in every way. The only problem was that she wasn't so sure that she was smarter than Rhett. It was a close-call.

The night before the party, Scarlett had trouble sleeping, but made a point not to reach for any brandy. She had retired to her room three hours early, just in case she couldn't sleep. She was in good spirits, as her brief flirtation with Rhett had filled her with so much hope and happiness. She didn't want to be around Rhett, because she felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. But then she would second-guess her feelings, and want to protect her heart. She knew enough heartache from lusting after Ashley. The times that Ashley had embraced her or kissed her, or let her kiss him and not push her away… it would allow her to be hopeful. And she was too old to be hopeful.

Meanwhile, Rhett was feeling even more tortured in his room. And he did go downstairs for some brandy. He was usually so good at identifying his feelings and Scarlett's actions. Was he happier being a fool for Scarlett than being on his own? She was after all, quite a woman. He had admired her for years, even when she was so young, because he saw all the strength in her that others dismissed as childishness. But he was always able to feel above her and be condescending. Now, he felt like a fool for different reasons. She was surpassing everything he thought she could be. And people had noticed. How she had started scholarships in Bonnie's name and then in Melanie's name. She had transformed her grief into something wonderful. How easy it would be for her to remarry and have children.

Scarlett didn't invite any of the people that Rhett found tiresome or uninteresting. She invited mostly the old crowd: The Tarletons, The Elsings, Sue Ellen & Will, and the Wilkes family. Not that Rhett thought that they were the most interesting people, but there was a level of comfort with them. They were practically his family. He had spent so much time trying to win them over. Scarlett's thoughts went to the time when she and Rhett were first married, and she threw a party to make everyone jealous, and no one showed up. She brought out such cruelty in people sometimes. And yet, she didn't care about that anymore. What she remembered most was Melanie consoling her, and Rhett laughing at her. Rhett could be such a pest some time. If he came back to her, would he still be like that? Would she allow him to be?

Scarlett even found her old friend Cathleen Calvert, who had been the closest thing she ever had to a girlfriend. Cathleen was a lot like her, but she had moved up North after the war when she married a Yankee. Her husband had passed away over a year ago and she had moved back, and Scarlett had written to her in hopes of rekindling their friendship. Scarlett felt bad that she had not given Cathleen money years ago when she was forced into marrying the Yankee. She had always been so scared of not having money. But now… even as she gave away 30 or maybe even 40 of what she brought in through the sawmill… she had no shortage of money. Cathleen, who was still very much like Scarlett, couldn't hold a grudge very long, especially since Scarlett was filthy rich and suddenly very generous with her money. She had sent Cathleen money, but what really touched Cathleen was that Scarlett had found and sent her random things from her travels around Georgia, that reminded her of their days before the war: like little perfumes that they would spray as young girls and a little doll that looked just like one Cathleen had as a child. Cathleen was touched, and in light of Scarlett losing her daughter, she very quickly decided to begin corresponding with her old friend.

Scarlett had also invited Jennifer Blakely, a teacher she had met in her travels. She worked at a school not too far away, and she was the only person she had ever met that seemed as naturally kind and endearing as Melanie. She looked nothing like Melanie; she was blonde and blue-eyed and younger than Scarlett. She was only 19 years old, but she talked about books in the same way that Melanie had so many years ago. She read them only for how they showed heroics and good deeds. She was so happy with all the money that Scarlett gave them that she showered Scarlett with an obscene amount of books. But unlike the other teachers, she pressed Scarlett about reading them, and Scarlett actually enjoyed their conversations quite a bit. Because even when she hated a book, Jenny would ask her why, and encourage her, unlike Scarlett's childhood teachers. Scarlett had told her that she was never very good in school and had only excelled in math, but that only made Jenny give her more books. Scarlett had resisted Dickens for a long time, but had finally finished _A Christmas Carol_, and enjoyed it immensely.

She had stopped by Jenny's school one day to tell her.

"I absolutely loved it. I cried at the end. I have never cried from a book before!"

"I told you so! You thought Dickens was so dark and sad, but there's a real child's heart in his writing!"

"You were so right. I kept reading, and it kept making me sad. I was so afraid of waking up one day to the ghosts of my past."

Jenny had not known the miserly Scarlett that other people knew, so she could find no similarity between Scrooge and Scarlett.

"Oh Scarlett! How could you say you are in any way similar to Scrooge? You are too funny."

_Rhett would find this all so amusing_… Scarlett thought.

Scarlett had even invited India, who to her surprise had come to her weeks after their fight, and apologized and said that she had been overwhelmed with grief. She wanted to tell Rhett about the fight, for his amusement, but she didn't want to tell him what India had said. But she worried that if Rhett did find out, he would not allow India to be invited. Then, there was the issue of Ashley. She had to invite Ashley and the whole family, who had inadvertently become her in-laws so long ago, and for all the wrong reasons. Ashley began going to social functions a few months after Melanie's death. But Scarlett always stayed away from him. She felt it was respectful. The last conversation they had was the evening of Melanie's funeral, when she approached him in his house. He sat in a chair, unable to muster up manners or dignity. The chair he sat in looked as if it would swallow him.

"Ashley… I'm leaving."

Her eyes had been swollen, as she had finally given up on holding back tears at the end of that day.

"I just want you to know… All that silliness between you and I…"

It was hard for her to find the words.

"I'm sorry that I ever even put you in that position. It was such… so disrespectful to you and Melanie. And for all my life, I will make it up to you both. Beaux will go to Harvard, just as Melanie always wanted. I promised her before she died. And it's as good as done."

"Thank you Scarlett."

"Oh, it's the least I could do. I miss her so much already. She was the brightest star. You know I loved her, don't you?"

"I do."

"Because people think… oh, it's my own fault anyway. But she was my best friend."

She sighed and walked away.

That had been over a year ago. She had seen him at functions and they exchanged pleasantries and that was all.

But inviting him to her home was something she wasn't sure she wanted to do. She just didn't even want to have the conversation with Rhett, whether it turned playful or sarcastic. But he did mention it the morning of the party, as they ate breakfast.

"Are the Wilkes' coming tonight?"

"Yes. I'm afraid all of them. Even India."

Rhett's thoughts immediately went to India's fight with Scarlett.

"India?"

"Yes. Oh, I do forget how much local gossip you have missed. She and I had a bit of an altercation last year."

Rhett played dumb.

"Oh, do share."

Scarlett looked frustrated with the conversation, but selected her words carefully.

"Well, the morning of Melanie's wake, she said some things in passing. About me, and throwing myself at Ashley. But she did come to me weeks after to apologize."

Rhett admired how Scarlett was so tactfully not telling him all the details, and leaving out the part that would wound him. But she remembered to include confessions about her own behavior. She was playing the game perfectly. Do_es my wife actually love me_, he thought. He also liked how she so freely discussed "throwing herself at Ashley" as if they were 16-year old girls chatting after a party.

Scarlett than began to grin in a most childlike way.

"I do have a surprise for you, and I just can't hold it in any longer! I invited the gang from New Orleans. They had written me months ago, and Jimmy Kendall said he was just desperate to see his old friend again. He wrote the funniest things. I saved the letters for you."

At first, Scarlett saw something that resembled nervousness in Rhett's demeanor. But he quickly changed his face to form a soft, endearing smile.

Scarlett was apprehensive.

"You're not mad, are you," she asked, studying his face and trying to read his thoughts.

"Of course not. I was planning to head to New Orleans soon anyway."

He had said it haphazardly, and then regretted it, because Scarlett did not even try to hide her sadness. But she did recover quickly.

"I knew you'd be happy. Anyway, Charlie is coming. And Jimmy Kendall got married! But his wife is expecting, so she won't attend. Of course Charlie never got married. Bill Wilson. He's bringing his wife. Oh, and that boy Jeb Holbrook is coming."

Scarlett wasn't even faking her excitement. To see Rhett with his old crowd would do him good. And New Orleans was such a happy time for them. And she actually enjoyed this crowd more than anyone in Atlanta. Thinking back to their honeymoon, she remembered how happy Rhett was to get her away from everything in Georgia, and how she was able to just have fun with the "rascals" that Rhett socialized with. He was not surprised she liked them. He had told her it was because they were both rascals. At the time, she found that offensive, but now it made her smile.

In the early afternoon, Rhett's mother, Eleanor, and his sister, Rosemary arrived. They were staying for three nights. She had met them before, and felt little for them. All that was great in Rhett was seemingly missing from them. They were so ordinary that she couldn't help but wonder where Rhett even came from… _Probably his great-grandfather, the pirate,_ she thought. Scarlett knew that Rhett probably thought she was playing some game by inviting them. That she would plead with them to have Rhett stay at his home. But she had no intention of doing that. It wasn't her style, and it wasn't Rhett's. So she was cordial and polite. She just felt she needed to see them to really understand something… she didn't know what though. He couldn't be happy when he stayed with them in Charleston.

She didn't put on any kind of show with them, and seemed quite subdued when talking with them. And they responded with good breeding and compliments. She sensed that Rosemary was protective of Rhett because she did look at him with genuine concern. It was hard not be worried about Rhett. Anyone with half a brain could see that Rhett looked tired, and he had lost so much of his spark. His mother was too old to be perceptive, or maybe she wasn't all that concerned. He had given them so much money throughout the years, and after the war, even she stopped judging where the money came from. Scarlett looked at Rhett as she finished giving them a tour of Tara. Once again, she didn't know what he was looking for. But after yesterday, Scarlett had trouble looking at him without wanting to kiss him. She couldn't play it cool anymore and she was losing her nerve; wanting to profess her love over and over again and tell him to stay where she could take care of him. No such luck though.

In the early evening, Rhett's old friends showed up. And they were a breath of fresh air. They brought with them all the joy that Scarlett had anticipated and Rhett lit up when he saw them. They were so uninhibited, so frank. And like Rhett, they were handsome and outgoing and smart. _Jimmy_ _Kendall_ was the oldest, probably in his fifties, and his hair had turned completely grey, more so than Rhett's. He was the tallest as well, and had a big, husky way about him, and light blue eyes. He had married a young and beautiful widow and this new love had enlivened him. Though he had been involved in all kinds of questionable businesses with Rhett years ago, he had become a legitimately successful businessman, who had two successful stores. Scarlett liked him the most. He was a combination of Rhett, and his blue eyes reminded her of her father. When he saw Scarlett, he gave her such a big hug that she was spun in the air, and she gave him a warm hug back. She didn't care, and it actually put a smile on Rhett's face. Jimmy was a good man; one of the best Rhett had ever known.

"My my my, I didn't think you could be prettier after all this time, but there you are Miss Scarlett!"

Scarlett blushed and flashed a flirty smile, almost by accident. She was so happy to be in the company of interesting people.

"Oh, Jimmy! You are going to have to start going to church finally, with all the lying you do. But do go on!"

"Actually, since my marriage, the wife has me in church every Sunday!"

"I do hope the holy water doesn't turn to fire because of you!"

That would be an offensive statement anywhere else, but Scarlett knew her audience, and was happy to tease, and happy to receive roars of laughter from the boys. Rhett smiled. _ I can make him smile_, Scarlett thought… _But I can't make him stay_.

_Charlie Wilson_ was a skinny man who looked like a scholar, but thought like a criminal. Rhett had told Scarlett stories about them as children, as they had known each other since they were about twelve. Rhett marveled at how Charlie always looked so innocent, even though, like Rhett, he was always up to no good. Charlie came from a lot of money, but his heart was that of a criminal. _The good kind_, Rhett would say, and Scarlett would understand immediately. Charlie had even graduated college, and been accepted to medical school. But instead, he and Rhett began gambling, and found that was a far more lucrative career. And Charlie was great with numbers. _Jeb Holbrook_ was Jimmy's cousin, and he worshipped the three other men. He was handsome too, and looked a lot like Rhett did when she first met him, without the mustache, and certainly very little grace or charm. But a physical resemblance nonetheless. Jeb was about twenty years younger than Jimmy, and he looked at Jimmy, Rhett, Bill and Charlie as if they were kings. Scarlett had only met him twice in New Orleans, and he hadn't made much of an impression. He laughed a little too heartily at everyone's jokes and he developed an angry stare when he drank. And he only looked at her when Rhett looked away. _Bill Wilson_ and his wife stood next to them. Bill had always been a quiet one, but he was smart and loyal, and had known them all for twenty years. His wife, Alice, was plain and softspoken like him. She seemed a little intimidated by the grandeur of Tara. Scarlett gave her a reassuring glance, to squash her fearfulness.

Scarlett politely excused herself so the boys could all catch up. She really would have liked to sit in the parlor with them, instead of making small talk with Alice, Eleanor and Rosemary. The women soon went upstairs to prepare themselves for the party.

Later on, Scarlett emerged in her new dress, which was different from anything the other women would wear. She wanted to stand out, without looking too showy. She still read the same fashion magazines that she had read when she first married Rhett and tried so hard to make sure everyone knew she was rich. But after years of perusing them, she had learned the art of following a trend and being one of the first ones to showcase the trend. Her dress was dark emerald green with a low waist and a low neckline, and formed a tight-fitting silhouette, that became full at the bottom, without appearing wide. The sleeves were short, and she wore matching gloves that were above the elbow, rather than below ( a style which had only appeared in a few European publications). From the side, you could see that the fabric created volume behind her. What really set it off was a white velvet ribbon tied high around her neck and trailed behind her. In all its subtle ways, it was slightly different from what everyone else was wearing.

Rhett had still been in the parlor with his friends when he caught a glimpse of Scarlett. His first impulse was to get out of there. She walked too calmly now. She wasn't dressing to please him, as much as to say that she would look this beautiful whether or not he was there to see it. She didn't need him to tell her what was too flashy anymore. She was winning. And he didn't have a chance. At least that's how he felt. Luckily, his friends saw her and lavished immediate attention on her.

Charlie took a step back and said, "There she is. The radiant Mrs. Butler!"

"Oh this old thing," she teased back. She loved how the New Orleans boys made her feel, but she knew it was a replacement for all the things she wanted Rhett to say.

Jimmy took his cigar out and said, "I have told you time and time again. You could've done better than Rhett Butler. Lucky, damn fool!"

Scarlett looked at Rhett, but only with love in her eyes.

"Oh, I'm sure if Rhett thought really hard, he could tell you stories about how being married to me isn't the easiest thing in the world. Then again, I had been drinking when he proposed to me."

Again, the men broke out in fits of laughter. _She even saves me from all the awkward pauses_, Rhett thought. Self-deprecating, charming Scarlett….

Jimmy answered right back. "Oh Mrs. Butler… take it from someone who knew Rhett many years before you were married… there is nothing you could do that could displease him."

Jeb Holbrook finally said something.

"Best-looking couple New Orleans had ever seen. I think that's mostly due to your part."

For some reason, from Jeb, it didn't seem flattering. There was something untrustworthy about Jeb Holbrook the more Scarlett looked him over. Then, an awkward silence even Scarlett couldn't save. But she tried.

"Well, the party is beginning. I suppose I should be greeting guests…"

Jeb spoke again.

"Oh, not to worry. We are just in here talking business, nothing for a lady to hear about."

Scarlett flashed her eyes at him with utter condescension.

"Oh, but how then will I learn how to run my business."

Even Rhett let out a soft chuckle. They had always enjoyed teasing the young boy, who was now in his 30s. But Jeb lacked a sense of humor about himself, which Rhett found tiresome. He thought that in actuality, Scarlett was better with numbers than Jeb could ever be. But Jeb was always looking for the next big thing, and that aggressiveness worked well in business. Years before the war when he was barely in his teens, Rhett knew him as a sloppy kid that had a reputation for stealing. He would hear about men that were about to propose to a woman, and then steal their engagement rings. Jeb had a quick hand for stealing, and a way of seeing opportunities early on. Rhett suspected that he had been the mastermind behind a series of home robberies outside New Orleans. Maybe he would ask him later on. In the meantime, they were discussing the matter of opening another store in New Orleans.


	6. Boring Parties and Other Ailments

The party went on smoothly, with everyone so pleased to see Tara as it had been before the war. Rhett had given Scarlett the money years ago to bring it back to its glory, and they had done ten times that. Scarlett beamed with pride at the compliments, more so than the ones she received for her dress. Will and Sue Ella were even complimentary and held no ill feelings about Scarlett buying Tara from them. Sue Ella was pregnant, and secretly wanted a place that in her mind, had nothing to do with Scarlett or the past. She never had any sentiment over Tara, and always felt like it was Scarlett's anyway, especially since she married her beaux to pay a tax on it.

It didn't take long for Scarlett to become bored with the party and bored with the people. The food was perfect, and even the children that attended were behaving and having fun. Scarlett looked over at Rhett, sensing something, but she could not tell what it is. He had been quietly discussing business and such things with Charlie and Jimmy, leaving her with an overwhelming sense of melancholy. Only later on, as she sat at one of the large tables, did she enjoy any conversation. She and Cathleen had begun talking about old times and they had some good laughs over it. Jenny sat with them, at first timid, but then opened up and began enjoying her surroundings as well. Soon, Ashley, Will and Sue Ellen were all sitting with them. Rhett lurked nearby, unable to commit to sitting beside Scarlett again. He sat next to her at dinner and though she looked at him calmly throughout dinner, he found few words to throw her way.

Meanwhile, Cathleen had expressed surprise that Scarlett was spending her time reading books. Actually, Cathleen was surprised by many things about Scarlett, but couldn't voice them. Her friend was the same and yet so different. The days before the war seemed so long ago…

"Scarlett, darling… I remember you as a little girl and the last thing you ever wanted to do was read anything!"

Scarlett laughed.

"That's true, but I think it was the teachers I despised! They were so hateful to me all the time…"

"That's cause we were always playing with the boys."

Scarlett laughed again.

"Well, that is true… but Cathleen, there are some books that are absolutely wonderful. But don't let Jenny convince you to read _Romeo & Juliet_! That was the biggest waste of time!"

Jenny spoke up, happy to be included in the conversation.

"Oh, Scarlett had some serious problems with Shakespeare after that."

Ashley perked up a little, but no one noticed. The talk of books and Shakespeare made him think of Melanie.

"It's just that I always heard about this great romantic book, and I was very disappointed!" Scarlett said defensively.

"I mean… they were practically children. They knew nothing about love. And before anything could be resolved, they both kill themselves accidentally! I was so mad!"

Ashley finally spoke.

"You can count on Scarlett for a fresh outlook on something as old as Shakespeare."

The praise was soft and genuine and made Scarlett so uncomfortable.

"I'm sure other people think the same thing, they just don't want to admit it."

Scarlett went on… "Cathleen, if you really want to read something, the _Taming of the Shrew_ was my favorite. _Antony and Cleopatra _was also good. King Lear too. But now I'm on to Charles Dickens."

Everyone was listening to her, and everyone seemed to approve of her. It was something she wasn't quite sure how to deal with. Even Aunt Pittypat and the Elsings treated her with the utmost respect, though Aunt Pittypat had retired upstairs for the remainder of the party. And yet it seemed like a show, and Scarlett was tired of performing.

Moments later, Rhett was sitting in the parlor again with Jimmy Kendall.

"Rhett, you don't have to join us. Sure you have the resources, but you don't have to stay long. You should stay here with your wife. Maybe have some children."

If it wasn't his old friend, this would have angered him. He might have punched him.

"You're the one who told me to stop chasing her years ago. That she didn't love me. That a woman like that would only cause me pain…"

"Yes, but then I met her. Saw the two of you together. People change. People fall in and out of love. She had to like you a little to marry you."

"She told me she was fond of me when I proposed to her. That money was part of the reason she was saying yes. God, how I loved her honesty. Then again, she was drunk. Maybe I still love her. But she and I were never simple. She's happier without me, she just doesn't know it. She's always reluctant to see the truth."

"The truth is… life is short. See these gray hairs? You and I earned some of these together. We chased so many women… and now I have one, and I am worried that there's not enough time with her. You should worry too. There isn't time to squander anymore. Your wife is a magnificent woman. And she loves you. Who are you kidding? What woman wouldn't marry you for your money?"

"I can't stay here much longer. It only misleads her."

"Maybe you just like being the one in control now…"

Rhett smiled. His friend was as perceptive as he was. Maybe there was something spiteful about him returning every few months. Maybe he was testing her. Testing himself. But that wasn't fair. He looked over at Scarlett, who had stopped talking and was sitting at the table, looking bored.

He watched her get up from the table with some hosting excuse, and wander around. Jimmy and Charlie, it seemed, were happy to talk to Rhett all night. Bill and his wife were lovely and seemed to be enjoying themselves. Jeb walked around as if looking for something, and bumped into Scarlett, who tried to engage him in conversation. He talked on and on about himself, which Scarlett was too old to encourage. He mentioned knowing Ashley and having met Melanie.

"She was a very boring little one, wasn't she?"

Maybe he thought she would approve of this statement. Maybe, even he knew that Scarlett had once wished Melanie dead. Maybe Rhett had told him more about her than she could guess. But while looking at him up close, Scarlett realized why she detested him. He reminded her of Rhett, so many years ago, but without that kind twinkle that Rhett always possessed. She remembered that early on, though she found him irritating, Rhett had warm eyes, and she knew she could trust him. Jeb had nothing in his eyes. They were blank and cold, and not intentionally. She made a mental note to tell Rhett not to get involved in any business with Jeb Holbrook.

She wandered around the party, almost like a ghost, not wanting to engage anymore conversations. She was bone-tired again. And frustrated that this party didn't make her happy. Even having Rhett there wasn't helping. She thought she could live with him as some sort of prop. That having some of him was better than nothing. But it wasn't. She was resigning herself to this fate, and though she didn't realize it, that's why her energy was drained. All the projects and the books she had read and even the party, were distractions. She had even started going to church, but found no solace. She had never gone with Rhett, even though he had only started taking Bonnie to the Protestant church to gain some favor for their reputation.

She found herself in the corridors in the back of the house, listening to the winding-down conversations of the party. She moved towards a spot where she could see people but they probably wouldn't see her. The lights were low in the back and the shadows against the light soothed her. She put her back against the wall and sighed, her body tilting to the side from pure weakness. There was a chair next to her and she couldn't even find the strength to sit in it.

Rhett had emerged, in his usual dreamlike way. Like her, he knew how to be the center of attention, but he knew how to slink away from a crowd and observe.

She didn't appear startled though. In fact, she covered her mouth and yawned.

"Oh excuse me. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

Rhett was tired too. He stood right next to her, their shoulders almost touching. An observer would have thought they were a married couple in love. Neither could find the will to move, and had their arms touch, each might have felt electricity. But Rhett could see that Scarlett was tired. And sad. And he felt responsible.

"You finally have everyone in the palm of your hand."

"Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow… something I read recently. Not the most original Shakespeare, but it was something I understood. At least I could look forward to visiting my father's family next month."

She didn't say it in order to sound depressed, but Rhett hated the way she spoke now with depressing absolutes. Just yesterday, she had looked so happy on the horse (whose name he had learned was "Smoky"), when she thought that Rhett had gone. Rhett couldn't help but think that not having Ashley had always kept her hopeful. Not having him seemed to fill her with true despair. Even with him standing beside her.

As if reading his thoughts again, Scarlett corrected herself…

"I mean… half this crowd would turn on me on a dime. At least I know it now. India and Sue Ella especially. Poor Scarlett. Always gets what she wants, and still isn't happy. You used to tell me that."

"I used to say a lot of things that were stupid and crass."

"They were still true."

"Not all truths have to be spoken out loud. They were unkind. Why have such an elegant party for people who you don't care for…" He wasn't accusing her. He was actually curios.

"Maybe I thought that it would cheer me up. I don't know… They're not all bad. And some of them needed to meet one another."

"Like who?"

"Well, you do know Cathleen Calvert?"

"Oh please Scarlett, please don't say you've become quite as Parisian as to set your husband up with a new bride."

Scarlett looked at him sternly.

"I think Cathleen would find Charlie Wilson to be quite interesting. And my new friend, Jennifer…"

"It seems that Jeb Holbrook has his eye on her. She's a pretty young lady. And he mentioned something about looking for a wife. Though I suspect he is looking for a servant."

"Jeb Holbrook will have to look elsewhere. I don't dislike anyone enough at the moment to introduce to him."

"My my, I didn't realize you felt so strongly about him."

"Your perceptions of things have gone from sharp to quite dim. Jeb Holbrook is trash. He's beneath you and your friends. And you shouldn't go into any sort of business with him. He can't be trusted."

Rhett eyed her intently, wondering what brought this on. She continued.

"Don't look at my like that. You think the same thing about him. You don't think much of him either."

"Why would you say anything about business?"

Scarlett studied his face, as if she was spending her last moments with her husband.

"I suspect that's why they're here. Jimmy and Charlie came to Bonnie's funeral, but Bill and Jeb didn't. Money is the only thing that gets those men to travel so far. I know greed when I see it. I'm not judging, but that has to be it."

In her tired daze, she had let go once again, of any pretenses they had of normalcy.

Scarlett only saw guilt in his face. She finally turned her whole body to look at him.

"They want you to go to New Orleans. I figured…" Her voice was so soft and so broken that Rhett hardly recognized it. Again, he thought of her wile and free riding her horse at Tara.

"Scarlett---"

She turned from him again, her eyes too tired to form tears.

"It's alright. It's the right thing to do. They do well, but they don't have the kind of money you have. And you don't want to be here. Jimmy's a good man, and he'll keep an eye out for you. The money won't be that much, but since Jimmy's with his wife, he probably wants someone to keep an eye on thing. And you want somewhere to go…"

It was as if she had been a fly on the wall when Jimmy had talked to Rhett.

"Scarlett, you may think you want me here… you may think you need me here. I'd be like this party. All the preparations, and once you had me here, you would regret it. You've always done better without a husband anyway."

"Go to New Orleans, as long as you come back…"

"I can't promise that."

"I know."

"How is Ashley doing?"

Scarlett couldn't stand next to Rhett anymore. She wanted to kiss him, but she knew that kisses never made someone stay. She sat in the chair, a seemingly safe few inches between them. Rhett had expected her to ignore the question..

"I have this irrational belief that Ashley wants to marry me. That he's waiting till you're gone."

If she had said this to make Rhett jealous, he would have known what to say. But she said it as if it was this inevitable, sad truth that she had to live with. She rambled on, as she often did with Rhett now, because all her intentions were always on the table. She would talk to him for as long as he was standing beside her.

"But I've worked it all out. I spoke to someone from New York. Ashley once had a job offer there, for a bank. I convinced Mellie to make him stay and he did. I've arranged for him to get the same offer when the time is right. I introduced him to Jenny. They don't know it, but they're going to get married. I just know it. She'd be perfect for him."

"Poor Ashley Wilkes, he never sees what's coming…"

"It must be nice to live that way… Ashley doesn't love me, even now. He probably thinks I would be someone that somehow Melanie would approve of. Or maybe I'm just enough to keep him wrapped up in the past."

Rhett walked away.

"When are you leaving?"

"I will bring my mother and sister back to Charleston and then head to New Orleans. If there is any promise in running Jimmy's business, I will surely send you some money."

"Have I asked you for money? Does it appear that I need money?"

"No."

"In fact, I think I'm going to sell the sawmill. I don't want it anymore."

"It was always yours to sell. I'll ask around. Get you a good price."

"Thank you. I have to wake Aunt Pitty now… I hope she doesn't think she's sleeping here."

Their interaction could not be heard by any of the guests, but one person was paying attention to them. Ashley had seen them, and he remembered listening to Melanie talk about Rhett and Scarlett. He used to humor her, thinking in his own mind, that Scarlett's heart belonged to him. In their most private conversations, Melanie almost gushed about Rhett and Scarlett. She adored them and went on and on about how she admired them. Their loyalty and their bravery, and how they didn't always do what was popular, but she was sure they were first in line to get to heaven. He remembered one time when she had been particularly passionate.

"And it's not just because they saved my life and your son's… though that's reason enough. I know what people say about her marrying him. But they are wrong. I know she thought she loved Charles, but maybe at the time, with the war coming, she was just afraid of losing him. And Frank… she did dote on him quite a bit. It's hard for Scarlett because men are so captivated by her. But Captain Butler is her match I think. How he loves her. Though I must say they are both rather stubborn with their affections. They get so caught up fighting and arguing that they forget how much they love each other…"

Ashley had always thought Melanie was just blinded by loyalty. But looking in the distance at them, he realized that she had been right. Scarlett's feelings for him were probably never real, as he had suspected long ago. Maybe if the war hadn't happened or maybe if he hadn't married Melanie, she would have realized long before that. But Scarlett's heart belonged to Rhett. No matter how he behaved, or the long periods of time he would leave her… Seeing them together made it obvious to him. Scarlett had no intention of marrying him. All this seemed to be a very inconvenient train of thought. Because for the last few months, Ashley had the crazy idea of marrying Scarlett. But for now, he would have to wait. So he nodded goodbye to Rhett and thanked Scarlett for a lovely evening and left with Beaux, his sister and Aunt Pittypat.

Later, after the party, Rhett had more trouble getting to sleep. Maybe it was Tara. Maybe he would never be able to rest there. It was so new there, so different. There, in that house, was his wife's real passion. Her strength. For so long, he thought it could be him. And yet she wanted him and he wanted her. It filled him with shame. The last night they had shared a bed had resulted in Scarlett's miscarriage, which he had wished on her. His own wife and her own child. Maybe Bonnie's death was his punishment. His thoughts kept going to Scarlett sleeping alone. What if he went in her room and slept beside her? Not even to touch her, just to be beside her. What would she think?

He got up and wandered the halls. Scarlett had left her bedroom door a little open, with just a sliver of light to come through her room. She had left it open for as long as Rhett was staying there. He heard her snores. He looked at her sleeping; she had been so tired. From life, not the party. She was wrapped in her white blanket like a cocoon. She looked peaceful. He watched her for ten seconds or so. Then he went back to his room. He left two days later with his family.

Two weeks later, just after dawn, Scarlett heard a commotion of some sort. She heard Mammy's voice, and was immediately angry that Mammy was answering the door at this time. She was just too damn old, and she had ordered all the servants to make sure Mammy did the least of the housework. At the door was Amy, the young woman from Belle Watling's. She looked frightened and Scarlett's heart sank. _Rhett is dead._ Amy was at first afraid to talk, but then yelled out in a fearful voice.

"Captain Butler… we were going for our morning walk. And we saw him on the side of the road. His carriage was gone. He looked very sick. Virginia stayed by his body. Sally went to get Dr. Meade. Miss Watling sent me here."

"Is he alive?" Scarlett asked. She could not bear to say "dead."

"Yes, but he would not wake."

"Take me there."

Scarlett grabbed the first coat from the closet downstairs. Mammy tried to come, but she went alone. In the carriage, Amy shouted directions to her, and Scarlett listened, though later on, she could not remember where the carriage had gone. It was a deserted road, at least a mile from Belle's. Dr. Meade hadn't gotten there yet. Very quickly she scanned for Rhett and saw him; a limp body in a brown suit off to the side of the road. But he was moving slightly and coughing. Her first instinct was that he was drunk; too drunk to even make it to Belle's. Scarlett had no tears. She ran to him and took him in her arms and shook him. She was so angry and so happy he was alive, all at the same time. Dr. Meade followed, with a look of anger and disappointment on his face.

"Scarlett, this is too much. Your husband, or so you continuously refer to him… has caused us enough pain. Mrs. Meade was scared silly, us woken up by some strange woman, all to help a man who continues to disgrace you. He is drunk. Again. And going God-knows where."

Scarlett wasn't listening to the admonishment. He wasn't dying; she had seen enough death in her life to know that. But the coughing and the sweating. She touched his face and looked him in the eye.

"Rhett, you're killing me."

A spark of recognition flashed across his face. She touched his face and was alarmed. And then she was furious."

"Dr. Meade, my husband is burning up with a fever. He's on fire. Maybe you should actually look at him before you scold him. He was obviously sick and on his way home. Have some human decency!"

Dr. Meade approached, having been utterly shamed by Scarlett. But his opinion of Rhett Butler wasn't going to change.

Scarlett was worried now. He wasn't dead yet, but he was dying. She saw a bottle of whiskey beside him and pushed it further out of sight so no one would see.

Her and Dr. Meade brought Rhett back to Tara, after they brought Amy back to Belle's.

"Tell Miss Watling I owe her my gratitude. And you as well. You saved his life."

Scarlett rode that carriage even faster on the ride back. She quickly arranged for Dr. Meade's medical supplies to arrive at Tara. She had them put Rhett in her bedroom, even though it was on the second floor. His coughing wouldn't stop and it made Scarlett cringe. Meanwhile, Tara became an infirmary. Mammy was the only one allowed to grumble anything negative about Captain Butler.

It occurred to Scarlett how much she needed Melanie. How much she needed her mother. Who would help her with anything if she lost Rhett?

Later that day, Dr. Meade told Scarlett that Rhett had pneumonia and that they would do all they could. There were some medications that proved successful sometimes, and Scarlett very quickly gave Dr. Meade a lot of money to find anything and everything, and to do so quickly. Luckily, people were still afraid enough of Scarlett to fear for their own lives. Within days, there was a private staff of young doctors and nurses; enough to make people think a king was sick.

Scarlett wore a mask that Dr. Meade insisted on, but at times she took it off. She was sleep-deprived and nervous, and had been depressed for over a year anyway. Part of her thought that if Rhett got her sick, maybe he would stay… but then she laughed it off to herself, knowing she had to be strong and healthy for them both. But part of her wanted to die in that bed with Rhett.

She hardly slept for a week. Rhett's fever had gone down and Dr. Meade had said that without bringing her hopes up too much, that Rhett didn't seem to have the most fatal kind of pneumonia. Still, she watched him now from the doorway for hours at a time; having a chair put right outside the door, so she could just stare at him and make sure his cough was better and that he was sleeping comfortable. She read books while she sat there. She paced by the doorway. Then she would sit down again, holding her head in her hands. _Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow…_ Rhett's chest was bare and she concentrated on his heart, as if she and she alone could keep it beating. Doctors held a glass bottle over his heart and put ointments on his chest and cold rags on his forehead.

Rhett did get noticeably better, but he was still in somewhat of a state of delirium. Then, after days of watching Rhett sweat and cough and have the chills and moan in painful frustration, Scarlett saw his eyes open and she finally saw the old Rhett. He looked at her, sitting in a chair by the door. He just looked at her for a long time, as if she was a mirage. She just sat and looked back at him quietly, not wanting to disturb him at first. She was so happy, but so scared to be hopeful. But at least she had time with him. She could no longer bear not to go to him.

She had thought that she would be tender at first, but when she approached him, she began hitting him on the shoulders and the arms and his chest. He didn't fight the punches and slaps. He just whispered "Scarlett…"

"How could you do this? What do I have to do? I can't keep fighting for everyone. They leave me anyway!"

"Scarlett.."

She composed herself, realizing that the man was sick…

"I'm sorry… I just…"

"I'll be fine…"

She waited a few minutes, just standing there, calming herself. She was so happy he was alive and she wanted to hug and kiss him. But instead of a kiss and a hug, all Rhett saw was a sardonic smile. Scarlett spoke again…

"At least when you are at the heavenly gates… or the gates of hell… whichever you prefer my dear… you can tell them that your wife who loves you, stood at your bedside and wanted to kill you for scaring her half to death… can you remember to say all that?"

She bent down and took the rag off his forehead. And never before had Rhett felt her love before; so solid, so close. She kissed his forehead and whispered lovingly to him.

"Is this my destiny? Have I not seen enough people I love die? I was going to grant you your stupid divorce. 'Let the poor bastard look for his happiness, even though I thought you'd still return to me'. Then again, I used to think Ashley would leave Mellie. But if you think I am going to let you run around Atlanta trying to kill yourself! Drinking yourself to death and parading around in the winter like a fool… well, you'll never get a divorce from me now. It's all I could do not to strap you to this bed till the end of time. And I don't think you have any idea how much it costs to bring Rhett Butler back from the dead…"

He smiled at her, still too weak to talk. Scarlett wanted to stay angry at him. But how sweet he looked, smiling back at her with his eyes twinkling… she paced alongside his bed, almost yelling, but keeping her voice down just enough…

"I guess this was the only way to get you back in my bedroom… there were easier ways I suppose, but you and I always do things the difficult way…"

_God, I love her_… Rhett thought. Melanie was right. _He loved her so. She was trying to make him laugh and it was working._

"Maybe if I catch pneumonia and die, you can put on my grave, 'Here lies Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler. Please do find a stone that fits all that. She loved two men and neither loved her back. Oh, they said they did. But they just came in and out of her life torturing her until she just keeled over because she couldn't deal with them any longer'…"

Rhett started to laugh, but the laughs turned into coughs. Mammy's voice came from downstairs. Scarlett grinned back. Finally, he was laughing…

"Miss Scarlett, you better not be aggravating Captain Butler."

Scarlett laughed and whispered to Rhett.

"I've been aggravating Captain Butler for almost half my life. And I'll do it till the day I die."

She moved to the other side of the bed, and curled up next to him, knowing that when he felt better, there would be questions and confessions and leaving and divorce to discuss. She put her hand on his heart as if she owned it and as if she had willed it to beat on her own. She then put her lips on his chest and kissed his heart, happy to feel it beating. And then she fell asleep. She didn't sleep long; Rhett's coughs were still pretty bad, but she kept her arm locked in his, even while his body shook from the coughs. At one point, he seemed to finally realize that she was there risking an infection of her own.

"Scarlett honey, don't stay here. I could still be contagious."

She opened her eyes and said lazily, "Dr. Meade said it's okay now. You'll just have to stay a little longer… oh, and I threw out all your cigars… but not your brandy…"

She sounded so happy to say that. To have him there, unable to leave her was heaven. Sure it was selfish, but it was still heaven.

Mammy came by the door two hours later and rolled her eyes at the two of them. _Those two deserve to infect each other and die_, she thought hastily.

Scarlett slept for hours more with Rhett beside her. Her hand sometimes fell on his heart.

At some point during the night, she swore that he whispered to her.

"I'm sorry I put you through this… don't you see I'm no good?"

But Scarlett pretended not to hear. She slept in another bedroom that night and for the three nights following. She wanted Rhett to have a good rest.

On the third night, she told him she was going to her cousin's for two days; they had invited her months ago, and she had almost forgot about it.

"Just don't leave like a thief in the night because you're feeling a little better." She was only half-joking.

But Rhett did pack his things the next morning. He was on his way to see Scarlett, and all would have worked out perfectly had Jeb Holbrook not gotten involved…


	7. Divorce, SouthernStyle

When Rhett left Tara, he was still coughing occasionally, but feeling much better. Scarlett had succeeded in driving him crazy and he had to admit that she saved his life. But she didn't know all the details of his illness. She didn't know that he actually had not been going to Belle Watling's. She didn't know that he was going to their old home on the date of Bonnie's death to do what he had done the year before; sit on that property with a bottle of gin or brandy and mourn everything he lost and everything he thought he had. He had made the mistake of getting very drunk on the way, and with his cough getting unbearable, he left his buggy and crashed onto the ground during the night. He remembered hoping he would die. Hoping that it could all just end. And the next morning when he heard Scarlett and other voices, he wasn't even sure at first what had happened. But he did remember Dr. Meade chastising Scarlett… and Rhett had agreed with him, but was too sick to say so. All this time, he was just a cloud in Scarlett's sky. But he was on his way to thank her. The image of her at his bedside, acting with her usual strength and humor was just too much to ignore. It seemed a better way to end their marriage.

On his way to Scarlett's cousins, he did stop in Atlanta to pick up some money, and though at first he wasn't sure why, he did end up buying flowers for Scarlett. A little voice in his head kept saying it wasn't fair to lead her on in any way. But again, he couldn't resist. So much had changed between them. Their dynamic had changed and maybe that was also a big reason why he felt he couldn't return to her. He felt like he had been playing a card game with her for years and all the cards had been laid on the table and all the money had been won. But he felt like both he and Scarlett lost, even though they had been the smartest players with the best hands. She was all grown up. He had little to teach her anymore. No reason to be so smug around her. In his memory, he thought there may have been a time when he told Scarlett that if she ever changed, he would pack his bags and leave Atlanta. But she had remained alluring to him. He felt weak around her now and ashamed. When he walked out on her, he had truly thought he had everything figured out. And he had in so many ways. But he had felt like a victim in everything and the longer he thought about his life with Scarlett, the more he thought that unbeknownst to both of them, he was victimizing her. And now he was a drunken fool of a husband wandering Atlanta.

In his wandering on the streets of Atlanta, he heard a man's voice call him. It was Jeb Holbrook, looking happy and carefree, seemingly content to hang around Atlanta indefinitely. Rhett envied him, while listening to him go on and on about himself, even mentioning the idea of courting India Wilkes, which did seem ridiculous to Rhett. Men don't give up the life that Jeb lived for a woman like India, who wasn't all that pretty or kind or interesting. Of course Rhett still held resentment over what he knew India had said to Scarlett about Bonnie. Just the thought of it made him want to hit her, but he smiled knowing that Scarlett had done the honors.

He thought about what Scarlett had said about Jeb, and he couldn't make heads or tails of it. Jeb wasn't the kindest person, but he was certainly fun and had always been a loyal friend. Rhett saw so much of himself in Jeb, but only since hearing Scarlett talk badly of him. He could only imagine what she had said about him years ago. Jeb was a lot like him before the war: cocky and impenetrable. A thought seemed to be brewing his head for the past few weeks; maybe Jeb and Scarlett would be an interesting pair. He couldn't believe he was entertaining the thought of matchmaking his wife with another man. But he and Scarlett weren't a normal couple. He almost thought that it was a way that Scarlett could have a little of him, and then start a new life. He didn't want her pining away and worrying about him. She could still have children. She could still be the belle of her own ball. She had loved Ashley so loyally for so long, and she was able to move on from it. She certainly held little sentiment for her first two husbands. She was resilient. He had always felt smarter than her, but maybe he was just older, and the older she got, the more his superior wisdom didn't seem like much. But her strength was not to be believed. It seemed that now that she didn't worry about Ashley or having enough money, her strength gave her a certain glow. He had always encouraged her to ignore what people thought and say whatever was on her mind, but now in her older years, it seemed she didn't have to. She didn't have to answer to anyone. And he felt like he had been a crutch while they were married, when at the time, he thought he was giving her wings.

Jeb was scandalous and rebellious and good-looking and maybe if Scarlett wanted another husband, he would be a good fit. Then again, maybe Scarlett should never have a husband. They had so much money and he was never going to deny it to her. He did notice that she required far less now. She had gotten rid of the need to show everyone how much money she had. She had learned the hard way that it won't save your child from dying or keep your husband from leaving; lessons that Rhett wished neither of them had to teach or learn. He had promised her one night on their honeymoon that she would never starve. He just never promised he would always stay.

But Rhett had hesitations about Jeb. He was fine for the old Scarlett, but maybe not the new one. But maybe a good enough distraction. And with these insane thoughts, the following words came out of his mouth…

"Jeb, you are just the person I need to see. A matter of business actually. My wife seems intent on selling her mill. But I think she just needs assistance in running it. If you can stay here for a few months and keep an eye on her and the business, it would be a great favor to me."

"Oh of course Rhett, anything you say!"

"I am going to see her now and I will let her know. I would hate for her to sell it. She's worked so hard for it to thrive. I will be in New Orleans taking care of some business."

When Rhett approached the O'Hara house, he immediately thought about how even though there wasn't a lot of money, there was a cheerful atmosphere that he and Scarlett could never create in their own house. It was this side of her family that gave Scarlett all her spirit and all her guts. And even though it was late in the evening, you could hear music and yelling and the sound of people who knew how to have a good time. When he knocked on the door, an older man that he believed to be Scarlett's uncle answered the door. Before Rhett could introduce himself, the man said rather sourly—

"Rhett Butler. You looking for Miss Catey?"

"I suppose so."

"Well, it does seem you don't look for her often enough, because you should be here with her already. Not that she needs you…"

Rhett smiled humbly. He deserved that.

"Actually, I was back at Tara, quite ill. But I mustered up all my strength to come and see my wife…"

Uncle Patrick wasn't buying it… He just led Rhett through the door.

The house though unassuming from the outside seemed huge on the inside. But it was really just because the living room was huge as if to anticipate parties, with smaller rooms off to the side. They had money before, but most recently, Scarlett had sent them enough to buy a bigger house. And though she had been generous to many, this was a grand gesture even for her. But these were her people and Rhett understood.

He scoured the room for Scarlett, but for the first time, she didn't seem to pop out of the crowd. All the women there seemed fiery, with dark hair and light eyes and pale complexions. They were all loud and talkative and having as good a time as the men. Rhett felt happy to come there, even though he may not be on popular terms with the O'Haras. After a few minutes, Rhett saw her off to the side in the corner with a bunch of children. That certainly surprised Rhett. She had been warm with Bonnie and maybe Beaux, but she was never one to pretend to be interested in what children were up to. But there she was, with three little girls, one cuter than the next. She appeared to be teaching them how to do dance a simple square dance, and Rhett heard her mention the old days and the parties and all her suitors. They seemed to look upon her as if she was a queen, and yet she didn't seem to be putting on any airs for them. Rhett could see that the little girls were wearing pieces of jewelry that Scarlett had brought them, probably spoiling them in ways they could never imagine. Rhett felt a pit in his stomach thinking about Bonnie and how even Scarlett, cold as she had been, was probably happy to spoil little girls with gifts again. The youngest girl was a messy little thing, around five years old, with brown hair and maybe blue eyes that were too squinty to decipher. Then there was a girl around eight, with sandy blonde hair and green eyes, who was completely unaware that she would be beautiful when she grew up. But the oldest caught Rhett's eye and made the world around him blurry, and he felt the pit in his stomach stronger this time. She looked so much like Scarlett and so much like Bonnie that it made his blood run cold. She had black hair and blue eyes; they might as well have been Bonnie's eyes. And to see her dancing around with Scarlett, who seemed oblivious to the resemblance… it made him want to flee. But then Scarlett caught his eye.

She immediately smiled at him with an almost pathetic plea of hope. And then he could see as clear as day what her eyes revealed. Despair and reluctance, cause she knew he had no good news for her. But there was something else. She quickly motioned to the girls to turn around and whispered to them something that made them dash away. Rhett only felt worse, because he knew that Scarlett didn't want him to see them. She had noticed the resemblance… and yet this final act of love only put one thought in his head. _I can't stay with her. We're better off apart._

She walked towards him, almost afraid of what he was going to say.

"Why is it, when I see my husband, I always fear he has terrible news for me?"

Rhett almost smiled, but what he had to say filled him with sadness. He coughed rather loudly.

"I know you said not to leave like a thief in the night, so I thought it more proper to come see you first…"

Scarlett nodded.

"Of all the reasons I married you, it was not because you ever did anything proper…"

"Very true."

"So you're leaving…"

"Not as simple as that darling---"

"Never as simple, is it? And don't call me darling right before you say your goodbyes again. Talk about improper."

"You so often speak the truth now Scarlett…"

"It's all a curse."

"Please let me say something…"

Scarlett just looked at him with teary eyes that never seemed to actually cry.

"You saved my life. And I can't… I'm not sure my life was worth saving. Not sure it is even worth all that much when it comes down to it…"

Scarlett grabbed him by his arm, almost inappropriately, but maybe she felt the home advantage at that house, and so she dragged him to a corner room and he went willingly.

"Your life… Why would your life not be worth something? If your life isn't worth anything, whose is? Is this why you came here? To say that you're no good, and that you should be left to die on some road, drinking yourself to death? Your life is worth something to me… everything to me. You think I don't know what you were doing? You think I didn't know that it was the day Bonnie died? You think that I'm so strong that I don't remember dates or hold any sentiment for the child I loved? The child you lived for? The child I can't bring back?"

She finally let go of some tears, but they were frustrated tears and she spun around him as if she was thinking of ways to hit him.

"Scarlett. I love you to death, you know I do. But do you realize that you haven't felt joy with me in years? That's not a way to live. You are right about the word "love". How about happiness? Every time I'm not around, you are positively glowing and then you see me and all that I bring is the past and mistakes. Maybe I knew when I left."

"Which time?"

"Don't you see? Let me go. I can find you a husband in two minutes if I had to…"

"I can't believe that now I have a husband who wants to arrange my next marriage. I must be losing my mind!"

"I was never fair to you. And maybe there were things you didn't pay attention to and God knows you were always selfish and oblivious and cruel—"

"Oh please, feel free to insult me and hurt my feelings! I can't even count on you to divorce me politely. Now you're insulting me!"

Rhett did smile. This was his Scarlett; _she was still in there._

"What I was saying… was that I chased you around for years, keeping you close to me. And all the while judging you and telling you all the bad things you were thinking and calling you a hypocrite and so many names… and I was worse than or as bad as you in all of it. When Frank died, do you know how many seconds it took for me to think of marrying you? And yet, when Melanie died, you didn't run to Ashley, did you? So all my beliefs that you and I were equal in our dishonor weren't quite true after all?"

"Rhett this is stupid! It gets worse every time I see you! I don't want to hear about the past anymore. I love you. And you love me."

"I'm not good for you… and the longer I linger here, the more I hurt you. You have my heart, you---"

"Now you're saying the exact words Ashley once said to me. When did you become as silly as Ashley?"

Rhett took her hand and he led her to a sofa seat in the room.

"I don't think I was trying to kill myself. But I am pretty sure I didn't care either way. And you can't have that burden… you deserve better."

"I deserve you. I can keep living and I can do well on my own at Tara… doesn't mean I want to…"

And then they stopped talking and just stared straight ahead, exasperated.

A little boy ran in the room, looking for them and said

"Mr. Butler-- Sir. Uncle Patrick told me to let you know that your horse seemed to have run off. Some people ran off to find it, but they haven't had any luck…"

"Oh that's quite alright. He'll turn up in the morning."

The boy seemed relieved, and exited the room.

"Rhett, it's late. Stay here, there are plenty of rooms."

"I didn't get the feeling from Uncle Patrick that he likes me."

"Oh, most of my cousins despise you…."

"Ha! Any particular reason?"

"Well, they adore me. And they have this crazy old-fashioned belief that a man should stay with his wife, no matter the circumstances! You know how crazy the Irish are!"

Rhett relaxed at the thought of her sarcasm coming back. Yes, he would leave tomorrow and probably not return. More and more, the idea of finding a husband for her appealed to him, but it was a silly fantasy.

"Your cousins used to like me!"

Scarlett smiled.

"You used to like me. People change"

She smiled when she said it, even though it wasn't necessarily a setup for a compliment.

"Not so much… I still like you. And I suppose a few drinks with your cousins will turn them around. It used to work with your father… Oh, and I might be able to convince Jeb to buy the mill if you still want to sell. He had a lot of money and he'll give you a good deal, at least to stay on good terms with me."

Scarlett wanted to be angry with him, but she always ended up happy that he was willing to stay near her for one more night. She didn't even feel like a fool. Even after she had saved him from inevitable death, and he owed her his whole life… but he could still rationalize that he was leaving her for her own benefit. _How annoyingly civil we've become_, she thought… _I'd kill for a good fight with Rhett…_

_Rhett thought he saw mischief in her eyes, but it passed too quickly._

"I'll let the boys know to set up a room for you. I practically paid for this house, so no one is going to say no to me. And I'll see if they can find your carriage, as I hope that you had some medicine in there for your cough…"

"It's in my pocket, need not worry my dear. Old men need to travel with their medicine."

"Old men need to stay with their wives and not drink like they're twenty. And don't call me dear or pet or honey."

"Yes, Scarlett."

Rhett did drink and actually feel merry at the O'Hara's that night. He had more than a few drinks and played cards with the men, and very intentionally lost some money. The O'Haras had incredibly warm eyes, but Scarlett's, they could turn and flash a venomous look rather quickly. He caught very few glances of Scarlett. She actually pretended that he wasn't even there and she was drinking almost as much as she had on their honeymoon, but seemed to be holding onto her dignity, whereas he was close to drunken foolishness, and wisely cut him self off before it was too late. He then saw her whispering to her cousin, Colin, in what appeared to be an engrossing conversation… _hmmm, maybe she was asking them to be nicer to him,_ Rhett thought. But his instinct told him otherwise. Why did he think that they purposely "lost his horse and carriage"? He laughed. _Maybe Scarlett was scolding them for that._

Rhett was close to the truth. They had stolen his carriage for the night, as some sort of practical joke and to prevent the inevitable scene of the O'Haras having a problem with Rhett leaving. But what he didn't realize was that Scarlett ended her conversation with Colin by saying, "Make sure to put him in my room…"

Later on, Rhett sat on the bed in a rather huge guest bedroom, dizzy and a little drunk, and nostalgic for the days when he could hold his liquor better. He liked that his money, or more accurately, Scarlett's money had bought this family a large house. It wasn't as big as Tara, but it was filled with happy energy. He thought it was amusing that Scarlett's cousins stole his horse and buggy. He hadn't had any fun in a long time, and the O'Hara clan was truly his cup of tea. Since he left Scarlett and Bonnie died, he felt like merely an observer of life, destined to walk the earth until he mercifully died. Depressing, but still, Rhett was practical and he thought maybe his life had seen so much and that his role in the world was passing.

Scarlett's cousins were like the brothers Scarlett never had. It made him think that a young Irish suitor would do Scarlett well. Too bad, Jeb Holbrook wasn't Irish. He knew her father's family liked him, but he saw that they were fiercely protective of Scarlett. He was happy about that. She needed true, blind loyalty. Of course, when he thought about it, it seemed that he was fiercely loyal to her as well. Always had been. But that thought just made his head spin more. What was he going to do? Divorce her, but still visit her? Wait to see how quickly she found a new husband or married Ashley? She had been the biggest gamble of his life, and he wasn't sure it paid off. They were both survivors, but she was doing it better. Maybe because she was younger; younger than he was when he met her. He was still lost in a drunken daze, sitting upright at the corner of the bed, when he heard someone enter the room. It was so quick that it almost seemed like a ghost. There was Scarlett, standing in front of the door, with one of her grins. She'd been drinking too, he thought. But whereas he felt drunk and exhausted, she had seemingly reached the point of drunken foolishness. The drinks had given her that blind courage that caused men in saloons to start fights that they had no chance of winning. And she wasn't hiding it.

"Rhett… you're here."

"Darling, you shouldn't try and keep up with the drinking of Colin and your cousins… now you're drunk and in the wrong room…"

Scarlett actually thought about what he was saying for a moment, but rolled her eyes and dismissed it.

"Oh, Rhett! Pay attention. I'm not all that drunk. And I'm not in the wrong room."

Rhett perked up at this statement, not sure if she was talking in circles or he was just being dense.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I'm thinking very clearly… you know what our problem is?"

"Alcohol?"

She laughed and then quickly dismissed him.

"You and I are never really on the same page, are we? We've never been very forthcoming about what we really want?"

Rhett was listening, but not understanding. He still thought she was drunker than she realized.

"I'm not sure that's really our biggest problem. Like I said before, I don't think we are very good at being married. To each other or anyone else."

Scarlett couldn't stop grinning. But she moved about the room as if on a mission and she was making him a little dizzy. And it seemed she was making herself dizzy as well. But then, she stopped pacing, and put her hands on her hips and looked him straight in the eye and began talking.

"Well, that may or may not be true… but I was thinking that I haven't been listening to you at all. You want a divorce."

"Thank you for summarizing."

"And the truth is, we never negotiated the terms of our marriage very well."

"I'm not following…"

"Stay with me Rhett… when I married you, I was fairly obvious about my terms. I still loved Ashley, but I enjoyed your company enough…"

"That's kind of you to say…"

"But you… you thought you could live with me loving Ashley. You thought you could buy me enough so that I would forget that I loved him... or something like that. But it didn't really work out…"

Rhett nodded.

"Well, when you say it, it does sound rather stupid."

"Maybe if you had waited… but you didn't. Ad then you hated me for it. That wasn't really fair. To either of us. You should have said that from the beginning. Warned me or something. Because I didn't want to marry you."

Rhett smiled at the dose of honesty, but to him, Scarlett was stating the obvious again.

"I see that you really get sentimental when you drink darling. And as adorable as it all may be, I need to get some sleep. You may not think you are drunk, but I know I am drunk."

"Oh, pipe down, you've been far drunker than this before…"

"Well, that doesn't mean I want to break any records tonight."

Scarlett started pacing again. In front of him, and then towards the door and back again…

"So what was I saying? Oh, we never properly negotiated our marriage. So I thought that maybe our divorce should be well thought out."

"Oh Scarlett, not now, I'm tired… I assure you that your lifestyle will not change any."

"Oh Rhett, once again we are not on the same page."

"You want a divorce." Rhett asked, in sincere confusion. He didn't know if he was asking it or declaring it.

She stopped pacing again and stood before him calmly and confidently, looking down on him, almost purposely to create some sort of power stance.

"I want no such thing. But you do. Even though you're wrong. Even though I would marry you tomorrow all over again. Even if I believe in clean slates and new beginnings and all the things you say you don't believe in. I so infrequently gave you what you asked for in our marriage, and so this is my present to you. A signed divorce paper will be yours in the morning. With just one stipulation…"

Rhett wasn't even concentrating. He just wanted rest. Scarlett was right about one thing. He wasn't as drunk as he was tired. He was old and could no longer handle his liquor.

"Anything my dear…"

And then, with the unexpected speed and passion that he so often used to kiss her with, Scarlett jumped into his arms and kissed him so hard that he fell backwards onto the bed. Her kisses made him think that she wasn't all that drunk. They were very purposeful. She wrapped her hands around his face and then quickly removed her lips from his to see his reaction.

"A kiss. You would divorce me for one last kiss?"

"Again I say … for someone who used to read me like a book, you just can't seem to follow my thoughts anymore. It must be all the time away from me. It's making you dim. Let me be even more forward…"

Scarlett continued talking as if she was saying something simple and normal, but what she was about to propose was a little too much for Rhett.

"You know… I've been married three times, and not only are you the only husband I've loved, but you're the only one who seems intent on staying alive. So what I want very badly I'm afraid… is one night with my husband."

She let the words linger in the air, and it seemed like minutes passed before Rhett absorbed them. But it had only been seconds…

"Scarlett, you know I love you. I've told you many times but—"

Scarlett cut him off with almost childlike impatience.

"I told you that I hate that word! That word doesn't have any meaning to me anymore."

"Oh come on, it means everything to you. You couldn't hide it with Ashley—"

She stopped him again.

"And now I can't hide it with you. You don't believe me, do you? You don't believe I'll sign the divorce papers and send you off on your merry way. Do you? You don't think Scarlett O'Hara could actually do something of pure sacrifice. Something she doesn't want to do…"

She really wanted to know, but he couldn't get his thoughts together for some witty reply.

"Well, actually I don't."

Scarlett stood over him, those green eyes wild and piercing. Rhett couldn't keep her straight. One minute she looked at him with passionate love and in another moment she looked at him like a sister. Then like a business partner. Then like a friend. Again, he felt dizzy and he thought of grabbing onto Scarlett just to see straight. But she kept talking.

At this point, she almost seemed like a teacher. Like she was ever-so patiently teaching him a math problem. He could almost envision a blackboard behind her.

"I see why you think that. Actually, the papers are signed already and you will have them tomorrow. I'm getting old, Rhett. Maybe wiser, maybe I've just made the same mistakes over and over again. And I was sitting downstairs thinking and thinking, and with every drink, the answer became clearer."

"You keep thinking like that and you really will become a drunk."

"I thought that at the very least for both of us... you could go off to whatever city or even Europe and wherever, and you wouldn't have to think you were such a fool… cause I know for so many years, I made you feel that way. You could know that you did have a wife that loved you, even if it was too late. And maybe you would have a little bit of a kick in your step or that confidence you used to walk around with. And I would love to see you that way again. And God knows, I don't need to be married. But I could use one night with my husband… "

"Scarlett you're making me dizzy."

She touched his shoulder tenderly. She was talking to him like a friend again; but her eyes were darting back and forth...

"I'm glad I'm making you dizzy. But I was so hoping to be clear… I can't spend the next 15 years loving you like I loved Ashley. Hoping to keep you close to me, but knowing you didn't want to be around. I let Ashley stay at Tara, and then in Atlanta and it never mattered. When someone doesn't want to be near you, it just doesn't matter. I'm not like you Rhett. I don't know how you married me knowing I didn't love you. It makes me crazy, makes me want to scream. Every time I see you, I'm hoping you've come to stay. Every time you're around, I want to kiss you."

_How long was she going to talk and plead her case,_ he wondered. Now he envisioned her as a lawyer… or a prosecutor or a jury or a judge. Whichever way, he felt guilty. And she kept talking…

"If it makes it easier, pretend you're drunker than you are. Or pretend I'm so drunk that I won't remember anything in the morning. But this is one thing I won't negotiate…"

She smiled at him, and he couldn't take it anymore. She knew he couldn't resist her. Even now. Maybe she was the poison that would kill him. All his worries seemed like nonsense. For so many years, this was what he wanted, and his thoughts flashed back to his arrogant walk out of their home. She probably plotted this scenario since then, and he didn't care. How could he not love this woman?

She kissed him again, and then began kissing his neck, as if in a frenzy, not willing to accept his reluctance.

"I don't want to use you Scarlett—"

"Use me."

The fact that she was kissing his neck made him lose his train of thought. But it did seem like a ridiculous thought. Scarlett wasn't being used at all.

"I don't care. Or think of it as me using you if it makes you feel any better."

He pushed away softly, not wanting to hurt her ego. The whole ordeal made Rhett sad. He should have never returned to Tara. He wanted to tell Scarlett that his heart had broken so many times now that he wasn't sure if he still had one. But he just sat there. Being pushed away, seemed to make her want to talk more. How he loved to hear her talk, even after all those years… when her guard was down and she was brutally honest; more honest than any man or woman he had ever known. The woman that had once offered to be his mistress to pay a tax was now willing to be his mistress for one night. And it seemed to be out of love. Even after all his years and all his experience and his ability to see Scarlett's next move, she still had the ability to surprise him. And she had had just the right amount of alcohol in her, so that she was rambling a little, but not slurring her words. She was talking in circles but not forgetting her point. He never knew someone who had that ability, and could use it to lie or tell the truth. And now, she was trying to talk her way right into his bed. And it was quite an enthralling spectacle. But her next words, were once again, a surprise.

"Not only am I going to give you the divorce papers, but I have to ask of you… that I can't ever see you again… unless you're coming back to be my husband, to live at Tara, to sleep in my bed, and eat dinner with me every night. When you were sick, I truly wanted to lock you in that room. I even thought that if you stayed sick forever, that I would be happy. But I can't think like that anymore. I can't see you in another crowd and hope that you're staying. Hoping that you've come for me. Cause the hope is killing me, you know?"

"Yes I know."

He knew it so well. It was funny to him that two people could have the strangest thing in common; the fact that they loved each other when the other didn't love them back. Or wasn't capable of enough love. But he did love her.

There were tears in her eyes, but Scarlett was always so good at controlling the sobbing. Usually, when she was sobbing it wasn't real. She couldn't seem to take the fact that he wasn't kissing her anymore. But she didn't seem to have the strength to pursue him anymore. Maybe she lost him a long time ago.

"I guess maybe the kiss is going to have to be enough."

_She was accepting defeat, finally_, Rhett thought.

She looked in his eyes as if for the last time. She took her hand off his shoulder. He was still sitting on the bed facing her, unable to find words. She tried a humble smile, but everything about her was suddenly tearful. Just moments before, she had such fire in her eyes, and once again, he had made her sad. For so many years, he had wanted to bottle that fire, and put it in a jar. Or just lock her in her own dollhouse and observe her. But it would never work. He hoped that if she didn't see him for years, that fire would reemerge, and she would always be joyous and he would just be a distant memory like her other husbands.

But all these thoughts didn't mean anything once she turned her back to him and took a step towards the door. It surprised even him, but he wasn't strong enough to let her go. Suddenly, everything she had said made sense. One kiss, one night. They weren't normal people and they couldn't play by normal rules. He couldn't let her walk out of that room.

He grabbed her arm so hard that any other woman would have screamed in pain. But not Scarlett. When he flung her around, she was all animal instinct, and was immediately in his arms, kissing him so hard, with her arms wrapped so tightly around him, he could hardly breathe. She threw him down on the bed, or maybe they both fell, one wouldn't be able to tell… It occurred to him in the moment that she had been the one confessing her love to him, but all he had thought since she entered the room was how much he loved her. How he was happier as her fool than anything else in life. How he never knew a woman that could kiss him as passionately as he kissed her. When he kissed her softly, she returned his kiss with a deep passionate one. And when he kissed her hard, her lips softened, almost into a smile. Rhett lost track of his hands, which was rare for him. He realized her was holding her hands, or more accurately, grasping them as if for dear life. When he realized how clenched their hands were, he softened his grip and moved his hands up and down her arms, finally holding her.

Scarlett couldn't even open her eyes this time while she was kissing him, as if she was afraid that he would stop or he would look at her the wrong way or say the wrong thing. Rhett found that endearing and at one point, amidst all the kissing, he softly took her face in his hands. She opened her eyes as if waking from a dream. Her eyes still had tears in them, even though she hadn't really been crying, and there was still the tiniest fear that he would get up and leave. But he grinned instead and kissed her eyelids and then kissed her neck. And then finally, she wasn't afraid anymore. She was right. One night was worth it.

"Some people are just better off divorced," Scarlett whispered. Rhett laughed, and continued kissing her neck. Maybe he wasn't that drunk after all.

The next morning, when Rhett awakened, he looked over at Scarlett who was rolled up in most of the covers, and snoring. He smiled. But he looked over at the night table and saw the divorce papers, which he was pretty sure were not there before. He sighed. It was all for the best. Better they leave each other with this memory. He hoped they could both handle it. But he wouldn't divorce her. Even though she could handle it, and people would blame him, he still didn't want to be known as the man who left Scarlett. He could handle being known as Scarlett's horrible husband, because she knew better. She loved him. He just thought their life together had passed… he didn't believe that she had wanted to get pregnant, but he did consider that if she was, he would have to return to her. But he knew that she didn't have the heart to wish herself pregnant, because after her miscarriage and Bonnie dying, pregnancy scared her…

When Scarlett arose, she saw the note. She had expected it. But still there was a melancholy feeling to the whole ordeal. But she couldn't complain. She wasn't like other women. She was happy that he had left her with love. That she had that one memory. Even though it had been a drunken scheme, she was still smiling. Others would think it absurd that she was joyful.

She took the note and read it, not really believing the words on the paper. Because all she noticed was that the divorce papers were still there, unsigned by Rhett.

My Dear Scarlett,

No, I will not divorce you. You are too fine a woman to be divorced, and I am afraid that people would think that I was gravely ill with insanity if I ever divorced you. Only you could understand why I had to leave. Or maybe you do not. You have been reading more books than I ever did, so maybe you know of a story that can not be defined as tragedy or comedy or romance. You and I live somewhere else, in a book that hasn't been written. Know that you have my love and loyalty, and it's only of your well-being that I am thinking of as I write these silly words. It was hard not to wake you this morning, though I must confess I might kiss your forehead. If you ever need something, I shall be there, though I hope that somewhere there is a prince waiting for you, instead of this old frog. You think you deserve me, but I am afraid that is one of many things we can't agree on. I will be in New Orleans for the time being, managing Jimmy's business in any way I can. Also, I shall be taking my cough medicine, as you were correct about me being an old man.

With all my love,

Rhett


	8. The Chessboard

In December of 1874, while all of Georgia was still rebuilding their wealth and lives since the war, Rhett and Scarlett Butler were pretending not to be a part of each others' lives. Which turned out to be easy, since they no longer lived together or saw each other. People could never guess (and some gave up trying) as to what had transpired between them, and what kind of relationship they did indeed have. Many had assumed a divorce was imminent, but it never seemed to come.

If one had actually asked Scarlett, she probably could not explain it either. She was still married to Rhett, and had made a bit of a drunken fool of herself in May, by professing her love to him for one night. Her thoughts about this event depended on her mood of the day. Some days it made her content. Rhett loved her and she loved him, but the course of their lives had changed. And they could only appreciate each other from a distance. She didn't really pine for Rhett, because her own will would not allow it. She had learned that to love someone that wasn't with you in every sense of the word was simply not worth it. And her resolve was steady; only if Rhett appeared at Tara, would she know that he was with her, as man and wife.

But there were some nights, though few and far between, that revealed a different side to her. She would wake in the middle of the night with a panic at the thought of never seeing him again. The panic that she would never want to remarry, and still Rhett would never come. The panic that she was paying for all her terrible deeds and for all the times she wished Mellie dead. The panic that she was paying for marrying three men for all the wrong reasons. She didn't really have nightmares anymore. Every now and then she would have a frightening dream, but they were not typical. Her worst dreams would be dreams of the past, where everyone was happy and golden. Those are the ones that would cause her to wake up shaking, alone at Tara. Had she not been at Tara, sometimes she thought, she would kill herself. Her own mind worried her. She thought of how her father lost his mind not because of the war, but after losing Ellen. And she wondered if one more loss would send her over the edge.

And so she still filled her days with charity or taking care of Tara; and her nights reading books that rarely interested her. Books never had the answers; only more questions for fictitious people. Every now and then, she did enjoy a book enough to allow it to distract her. And she still kept a written correspondence with Jenny, the schoolteacher, who was almost as cheerfully sunny as Melanie had been. It wasn't as admirable though, because Jenny had been a child through the war, and having no brothers, she didn't lose anyone close to her. Melanie saw so much suffering and yet it never affected her outlook on life. Scarlett used to find that annoying, but having grown up so much and lost so much, she had learned how difficult it was to find a person like her. And then she would miss Melanie in a way she couldn't even miss Rhett; because Mellie was gone, only to be in heaven and learn of how hateful her best friend had been. But Scarlett had discussed with herself many times, that as long as she lived, she would immerse herself in charitable causes and try to be as good as Melanie Hamilton. Of course, having an ulterior motive (even one that innocent), already made her half the person Melanie was. But every night, she prayed not to God, but for Melanie's forgiveness, knowing that if there indeed was an afterlife; that she would have to explain and then work for Melanie's forgiveness. And her mother's forgiveness. And that's how her life went. She couldn't be bothered with people too often or even friends or family. But she always appeared courteous and content. She spoke in a confident, soft tone that she came to realize, was reminiscent of her mother. She thought of how her mother had married her father at fifteen, only because her heart had been broken by another man.

But the nights where it all just seemed like a random mess of her making… they were hard to shake. She found no solace in alcohol, though when sleeping was impossible, she still went to it as her own crutch. She replayed the incidents of her own life, and would find herself rewriting her past, as some sort of exercise for her mind. Her sadness was so different from her years of dreaming of Ashley. When she wanted Ashley, she could pity herself and pretend that she was some noble creature who would never have her own true love. But loving Rhett was a complication as well as the most ridiculously simple thing. She had come to a realization too late. She didn't know of the treasure she had, because she was always looking elsewhere. She also didn't paint Rhett as some perfect creature. She had never seen the flaws in Ashley, and she had never seen the character in Rhett. And she firmly believed that at least knowing someone well and loving them, was of more value than her childish love for Ashley. And so, she felt, the noblest thing she could do was to be good. Be quiet. And wait. But still, sometimes her mind would think of the day she would hear that Rhett had died. She couldn't shake the feeling that if she didn't get Rhett back, he would die. It was selfish and silly almost… but the only thing in the world she was afraid of was Rhett dying. She thought that was the one thing that might destroy her. She knew that a part of Rhett was forever destroyed when Bonnie died. And Ashley was a shell of a shell of the man he once was, or the man she thought he was. And she appeared to be this pinnacle of strength… but she knew in her older years that a life could be destroyed in a flash. And that sobered and humbled her, and made her walk around with a sense of anxiety and fear, that though masked, was always present.

And since it was so typical of Rhett and Scarlett to be thinking the same thing, while miles apart, Rhett Butler had indeed regained his stride. Scarlett had told him that she longed for the days where he had a kick in his step and didn't walk around sad and depressed. And for the first time in a long time, Rhett saw that Scarlett had been right. One night with her and their parting words, and he was a new man. A dignified man. But still a man who had fun nonetheless. Not at all like the man he had been before he married Scarlett, but still, he was good-looking, and generous with his money, and with women. He was more discerning with women though. He couldn't tolerate the vapid, money-hungry ones. He never could tolerate any woman like that, except ironically, Scarlett. But he couldn't bear to mislead an innocent, sweet girl, and so when asked, he he would politely mention his wife. Sometimes he wondered if he could ever be so utterly amused by a woman. Maybe his remaining years were going to be lonely.

Sometimes, gossip would follow him, and certain women would know his history beforehand. But still, he found some of the simplicity in life that he had been searching for. It was lonely, but having come to a point of honesty with Scarlett, there was some satisfaction in it. He spent most nights alone, but peaceful. Reading newspapers and sometimes even picking up some books. He wondered about the paths he had chosen in life, and then would laugh at himself, and at the fact that he was truly becoming an old man. He could almost spend entire evening daydreaming of his past, not in a wistful way, but as if he was putting it together in his mind for his great novel. Ah yes, the Rhett Butler Story. He wondered if at some point, he should have entered politics, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He would always relish his own illegitimacy.

If Rhett and Scarlett had been conversing, they would eventually have expressed the same dissatisfaction with literature. Neither was a person that thrived on books; they were always seeing through an author's motives and feeling smug when the ending they anticipated came. Only a few authors seemed to really know something about life. But still, Rhett enjoyed himself in New Orleans and then enjoyed himself in Paris. Every now and then he would pass a children's store, and feel the dark cloud over him again… years ago, he would have returned home with half the store for Bonnie.

There were times he wanted to pretend everything was going to be back to normal with Scarlett. He wondered if it would be more pleasant to have someone around who at least knew and understood him. He used to think the same thing of Scarlett. She had always seemed ashamed of the fact that they thought the same; like it was this secret she had to keep from Ashley Wilkes, who had turned out to be a figment of her imagination. It didn't matter now. Though Scarlett was the only woman he ever loved or would love, he felt that he needed to be away from her. Not in the same way as when he first walked out on her. But he needed time and he couldn't burden her with the knowledge that he might come back to her out of pure desperation and just to have somewhere to rest his head.

Their last night together weighed heavily on him… he was old enough to know that her kisses were as real as they could be. That she held him as he had once held her, hoping to hold onto him forever, just because she was afraid he would discard her in moments… he still felt an overwhelming feeling of kindness and sympathy; the same feelings he had confessed to her the first time he left her. But Scarlett would never want sympathy over love. He knew how she loved, all too well, because both of them would never tolerate any substitution. Even though she had the gumption to marry three men she knew she didn't love, she could never give up on her silly dream of Ashley. Now that he wasn't living with her, he was able to utter the same words he uttered to himself when he found out she married Frank: What a woman. She really kept her end of the bargain now. She truly traded a night with him for anything resembling a respectable marriage. It was the kinda gutsy thing that made him second guess not being with her. They would never be the fabulous couple that he had childishly envisioned. But their pasts and lives and souls were intertwined. But still, no contact with him in months and no word of her whereabouts from anyone except Pork. He said she had employed a young boy at the mill, and was planning on selling it, and not to Ashley Wilkes.

He would the issue of the divorce papers, and had the funny feeling that she signed those divorce papers only because she knew he wouldn't. She knew that he couldn't be a cold enough bastard to spend the night with her and then sign a divorce paper. She probably signed them in the middle of the night, and pretended to be sleeping as he deliberated the words in his letter… or at least he hoped. He hoped that there was still a little bit of mischief in her. But he didn't want her to be throwing away her self respect, and taking small acts of love from him, when there could be someone respectable she could marry and finally get it right. Scarlett could always change her fate, reshuffle her cards and start anew. She had done it with Tara and she would do it again, at any cost. He felt in the way of something truly great occurring… _I'm going to be the greatest lady you ever saw,_ he recalled her saying on their honeymoon. And he had laughed at her as if she was a child saying she was going to be a princess when she grew up. Well, the joke was on him.

The overwhelming feeling he had for Scarlett was still pity, and she hated pity. It was so important for her to appear strong. And so his pity turned into guilt again. Guilt about leaving her when he did. He could act like a gentleman of fine breeding all over the world, but the people that knew Scarlett probably thought he was more of a rogue than he even believed. And then he'd fear that she would be blindly loyal to him in front of the Elsings and the Meades and everyone else. Her temper would show in her eyes, as it did whenever he insulted Ashley. That thought almost made him smile. To be the object of Scarlett's affections felt like a curse and a burden, and he doesn't know how Ashley did it all those years, knowing such a woman wanted him. Then again, Melanie Hamilton was quite a woman in her own right. And so, Rhett Butler stayed in Europe for a few months, with a cigar in his mouth, and thoughts swarming in his head.

And while Rhett spent his Christmas in Paris, amongst strangers, Scarlett spent it with her mother's family. She let them treat her with pity, because she didn't have the desire to defend herself or Rhett. She felt so alone, but masked it well. It was her second Christmas without Rhett. And she really had hoped that he would send her a letter or a gift, even though she had asked for nothing. Rhett used to buy her ridiculously expensive gifts, and then when Bonnie was born, it seemed he would buy entire stores for her. She hadn't sent Rhett anything last year, but she felt compelled to send him something this Christmas. So without a note, and just her initials on a card, she sent a copy of A Christmas Carol to his family's house in Charleston… _He would understand… it's a story of redemption. Greed turned into generosity… He would understand… _She had also bought him a locket and put Bonnie's picture in it, but then she decided against it and kept it for herself. After all, Rhett didn't need a locket to keep Bonnie with him.

And so, after the holidays, Scarlett started the new project of closing the mill. It brought her no joy, and she decided to sell it and send a quarter of the money to the Kennedy family. She also wanted to rid herself of Jeb Holbrook, who was still a pest. He had been courting India Wilkes for over a year, dangling the idea of marriage around. But every now and then he would bump into Scarlett and say something inappropriate and unnerving. He would ask where Rhett was, but clearly without concern and clearly to let himself be amused at her response. He would ask nosy questions about the mill, still under the notion that Rhett wanted him to help her. His pestering was one of the reasons she thought of selling the mill.

It would take months to sell the mill, but Scarlett had the most wonderful idea in mind for her next business venture. She would open a toy store in the heart of Atlanta. It came to her one night and she envisioned the one type of business that would be successful and yet pleasant to reside in all day. Children's books and games and dresses and maybe even candy. It was a pleasant enough thought, and so she used this project to fill her time. Maybe it was a little delusional and childish, but the idea of it made her happy.

It was during this period that an even more pleasant thing happened. Jonathon Stanton, a cousin of the Tarletons from North Carolina, had moved to Atlanta. Scarlett had met him at a party that she had been reluctant to go to, as she hated dodging stares and questions about Rhett. And she hated pity, which was always stagnant in the air, wherever she went. When she met Jonathon, the energy seemed to change around her, because he had known nothing about her, except that his older cousins adored her. He was 23 years old, and had not been old enough to fight in the war. He had gone to the University of Georgia and was planning on going to law school. Jonathon was delightful and new, and Scarlett felt like he was from a different world, and there was something in him that always brought back the Tarleton twins and her carefree days. But he seemed wise; wiser than Stuart and Brent had ever been. He resembled the twins a bit, but was far more handsome. His hair was golden and his eyes were steely blue, and his skin always seemed bronze, and was very broad shouldered. After seeing him in town and near the mill a few times, she offered him a job helping her at the mill. He was smart and soft spoken, but around Scarlett he laughed and talked quite a bit. He was the brother she never had. She was almost immediately protective of him, making sure he met the right people and showed up at the right parties. She advised him on the girls he should be courting, and spoke freely of the type of woman he should marry. She regretted a little the fact that she had set up Ashley with Jenny, because it seemed Jenny would be just the type of girl for Jonathon.

Though she was only six years older than him, Scarlett's three marriages and her life during and after the war made her feel like an antique to Jonathon. He had a look in his eyes that told her instinctually that he was full of an optimism that she had lost long ago. But he didn't see her as negative or jaded or sad, and maybe because of that, they were immediate friends and confidantes. And when she thought of the idea for her new business, she told Jonathon first and freely asked for his help and no one else's. He was smart like her, but never condescending as Rhett could be sometimes..

Scarlett was thinking about this as she played chess with Jonathon, when his teasing interrupted him. He had decided to teach her chess in the side office on days when all the paperwork was finished early.

"Scarlett, Scarlett, Scarlett! I think I have played a hundred games of chess with you and you are still making infuriating mistakes!"

Scarlett laughed, as she had become increasingly competitive with the new game, but clearly did not have his skill.

"I thought I had you that time!"

"Checkmate," Jonathon answered with a gleam in his eyes.

Scarlett covered her face with exasperation, as Jonathon continued to mock her.

"You don't have a plan Scarlett! You don't protect your king, and you are way too risky with your Queen."

Scarlett roared at this, and Jonathon was not sure why,

"That sounds like my entire life."

She would never say things like that in front of anyone else, but since she had informed him of most of her life's travesties, she felt free to let her guard down.

Jonathon looked at her with his usual patience.

"Chess is just like life. You'll learn a lot about people by the way they play chess. You, for instance, usually have a plan for your pieces, but you don't know what to do when that plan doesn't work out… and chess is like life… the first plan never works out. It's about constantly fighting back and looking at the board like it's brand new."

"But how can I play with you, when you have been playing for years?"

"You're getting it. But sometimes you are so busy with your own moves, that you're not paying attention to what I'm trying to do."

"I'm not a mind reader for heaven's sakes."

"Not mind reading. It's about intuition. And math. And you're good enough in math."

"Intuition is not my strength."

"You'll get it, I'm not worried. You're already better than a lot of my classmates."

Scarlett smiled. How nice to hear compliments from anyone…

And so, an inevitable thing began to happen. Scarlett began to wonder if she could allow herself to love someone new. She suppressed the thought for many months, but Jonathon was so easy to talk to, and so easy to be around, and she couldn't help but let her mind wander. But then Scarlett would think about how all her marriages were cursed with tragedy, and how love was something that never came to her, and so she would give up on any romantic notions about Jonathon. She was happier being his friend and having him there with her at the mill. He taught her card games and played checkers with her, and finally taught her chess. He also made her feel safer going to and from the mill. Of course, people talked, as they had when Rhett used to ride with her when she was married to Frank, but she had stopped caring long ago. She had a friend now; a friend that was silly and didn't judge her and didn't know her during all her horrible moments. Maybe Rhett had just been too old for her.

Her and Jonathon had been playing chess one afternoon in March of 1875, when Scarlett's complacency was rattled by the unfortunate arrival of Jeb Holbrook entering the mill. He seemed such a dark force, such an ominous being, and sometimes Scarlett felt she was the only one who saw it. And it bothered her that she couldn't sense why. It was like chess. A muddled board that confused her.

"Hello Mrs. Butler…. And you young man…"

He spoke abruptly and without respect.

Jonathon stood up and nodded.

"Hello sir. May we help you?"

Scarlett whispered back.

"This is Jeb Holbrook, a business associate of my husband's."

"Oh Mrs. Butler, I think we would be considered old friends. I've known Mrs. Butler since her honeymoon in New Orleans. And in fact, I have come here on behalf of Captain Butler."

"Oh?" Scarlett said, responding to Rhett's name out of pure instinct.

"He wanted me to tell you in person that he will be in New Orleans for many more months, and you should contact him at this address should you need anything."

He handed the paper to Scarlett who did not even bother to look at it.

"Thank you."

"I have heard that you are trying to sell the mill. Pardon me saying so, but don't you think it's inappropriate for you to be selling the business without Rhett being here?"

His familiarity unnerved Scarlett as usual, and she was happy that Jonathon seemed bothered by him as well. He came to her defense.

"I don't think you have any right to speak to the lady like that. Her husband is well aware of her business plans, as they keep in contact through letters."

Jeb seemed amused.

"And you are Mr. Stanton, I presume. I suppose you are too young to grasp certain things about proper behavior."

Jeb looked at both of them, as if he had caught them half-dressed and embracing. Scarlett looked pale, but Jonathon looked as if he was being challenged and quite up to it. Jonathon was bigger, younger and stronger. And seemingly, not afraid of a fight.

"Mr. Holbrook, you are very out-of-line."

"I'm just keeping an eye on the situation on behalf of my friend. Then again, with Miss Watling moving to New Orleans, I should not chastise you for your behavior…"

It was like a knife in her heart. For all the times she had thought that she could be happy for Rhett as long as he was safe and content somewhere… all those times she wanted to forgive him everything and ask for nothing… all those times meant nothing. She felt pure betrayal and Jeb knew it. He grinned and left quietly triumphant.

Scarlett sat back down, and told Jonathon to bring her home.

"You are right about him. Some people are rotten and that man is rotten to the core."

She hardly said a word to him and when she put her head on her pillow, tears flowed freely, drenching the pillow and making Scarlett feel as if she hadn't learned a thing since she was sixteen years old. She had felt this way when Ashley married Melanie. And all her newfound intellect and maturity left her, as the rawness of her heartbreak overwhelmed her. Her life was a curse, as was all the love in her heart. For no one, but another tear-stained pillow. With Ashley she used to think of ways they could be together, but with Rhett, she held little hope. Just despair for her life and the choices she made. During their last night together, she felt like she had finally experienced love, and that Rhett would come to his senses and return. She needed to believe that. She used that thought to live and get up in the morning; knowing there was someone out there acting as her audience. Her parents and Mellie were dead, but Rhett was alive and real. She remembered on their honeymoon when Rhett had told her that Mellie and her own mother were the only fine women she had known, and she had arrogantly stated that she would be the greatest lady he ever saw. And her own petulance and inability to surrender to defeat had kept her going since Rhett left. But clearly, life was indeed like chess. She had no intuition and no idea what people were thinking or doing; even those close to her. And she had the sinking feeling that she had finally lost her King.

Days later, Scarlett returned to the mill by herself. She was heading to Atlanta to meet with the governor, Albert Hobbes. She had been circulating within his crowd, and made it known, that she would give him a very generous contribution for his reelection, under certain conditions. She never told him what she wanted, but he seemed eager to talk to her. As he was a recent widower, she was careful to pick a suitable public location in Atlanta, rather than an informal dinner party at his mansion. As she grabbed a few papers detailing some of her financial holdings, she was once again bombarded by Jeb Holbrook.

"I do apologize Mrs. Butler for my behavior the other day. I was just surprised to see that boy here, so late in the day. Rhett is my friend after all."

Scarlett nodded, but not convinced.

"That boy is a worker of mine, and certainly does not exhibit any inappropriate behavior. He is a perfect gentleman and I am offended for him. Your behavior is another issue."

"You are so right, Mrs. Butler. I do intend to make up for my actions. I would like to tell you something that I am absolutely sure Rhett would not want you to know."

_He did seem to know how to peek her interest…._

"Rhett is only staying in New Orleans to pay off a debt. A gambling debt."

"That's ridiculous. Rhett hardly gambles, and when he does gamble, he wins. And he has plenty, millions possibly to pay off a debt!"

Jeb grinned in a menacing way.

"Age turns winners into losers. And though he does have a lot of cash abroad and all over the country, he does not have a lot of money in New Orleans. And I'm afraid he gambles when he drinks which is never wise. He has been told that it would be best for him not to try and leave New Orleans, though no one is doing him harm there. Yet. "

Scarlett didn't know what to do… she had found out that Belle Watling was indeed moving to New Orleans and the idea of at least giving Rhett a reason to leave was indeed appealing. But she felt there was something else to this story that Jeb would not reveal. What were his motives? She kept trying to reassure herself that he wasn't making advances towards her, but she knew that was false. His eyes and demeanor were far more revealing than Rhett's were in the days that he eagerly flirted with her all over town while she was married to someone else. And she had at least had the false confidence then to think that she could control a man's unwanted advances. But she held no regard in Jeb Holbrook, and felt he had little regard for her. And it made her want to get Rhett back to Atlanta. _Maybe if Rhett felt that another man was harassing her, he would return_… she scolded herself for thinking of something childish like that.

Instead, she excused herself and went to the back office again, and returned with an envelope of cash. If Jeb had asked for it, she would not have brought it. But since he hadn't, she felt she had to trust him one time. Maybe he would leave her alone.

"How much is this debt?"

"My circle of friends have estimated it to be ten to fifteen thousand."

"Oh this is ridiculous. What about the money he is supposed to be making with Jimmy?"

"Rhett refuses to ask Jimmy for it. He's ashamed I guess."

"Oh ridiculous! Jeb, if you can get this money to Rhett. It is fifteen thousand. It's almost all the money I keep here. I would so appreciate it. You see, I haven't really been writing to him. I haven't heard from him in over a year."

Jeb smiled, what seemed like a smile of sincerity.

"Rhett is right about you. You are a special lady."

Scarlett found comfort in that, for a moment, and then considered going to New Orleans. But then she remembered her invitation from the governor. Rhett would have to wait.


	9. Politics and Prisons

_For all those reading and reviewing, thank you for providing me with some great feedback and tips. I really listen to it, because after all, the true GWTW fans are my real audience. Also, if possible, I am always looking for any discrepancies in my story, as compared with the book. Also, if I have gotten any historically significant thing wrong, please let me know. I think I am more than halfway done with this story, but again, it has a mind of its own at this point. I once thought it would never be longer than 7 chapters._

Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler was beginning to get mad. And there was no one really, except for Mammy to notice it. And though she had tried and tried to act the part of a true lady, Scarlett knew that her father's Irish temper would forever be her downfall. But boy was she mad at Rhett. And Mammy, it seemed, was always mad at the both of them.

"Two big fools. I used to say mules, but no, you two are too foolish to be mules. Mules have some sense in their heads…"

Scarlett had grown so accustomed to Mammy's mumblings that she secretly relished them. They were the only thing besides Tara itself that seemed at all familiar. They were one of the few things that made her smile.

Mammy had seen too much. She had heard too much. When Bonnie died, and all courtesies forgotten between her and Rhett, Mammy had been the unfortunate observer to all of it. And it was only Mammy's presence that she trusted.

And so, she told Mammy about Belle Watling and Rhett's gambling debt in New Orleans. And whether it was a smart thing to give so much money to Jeb Holbrook. She figured that Jeb wasn't stupid enough to steal money from her, because Rhett would kill him. Not out of love, but pure pride.

But Mammy just listened and nodded, never surprised by anything Rhett and Scarlett said or did.

"Some people should never have their hands on that much money."

Later that day, Mammy passed Scarlett's bedroom, and Scarlett called her inside.

"I told you not to stay up so late. There's no work for you to do this late."

"Don't try and tell me what to do. You're old enough to know better than that."

Scarlett shrugged stubbornly as she did when she was a child.

"Mammy… tell me about my mother and father."

"Tell ya what Miss Scarlett?"

"Anything that's true that you remember… she didn't love my father did she?"

"Oh, that's your foolishness talking. She loved your father very much."

"But her last words were of another man…."

"Sometimes when people go, they think they're in another time and place. Your mama thought she was a child of fifteen. Nobody knows nothing about love at fifteen."

Scarlett sighed. Maybe she was like her mother after all. Destined to live without the man she loved. Would her last words be about Rhett? Was her love for Rhett even real, or just something she conjured because she was scared and frightened by Mellie's death. No, she thought… she knew love this time. And though she had grown and lived a thousand lifetimes since she was sixteen, she did have that same stubborn nature to think that she should have the man she loved. Her mother wasn't like that. Her mother took life as it came, and the responsibilities and hardships with them. Her mother was just another dream to her now. Maybe a life with Rhett was just a dream. Maybe her last words to him were true, though she was too drunk at the time… maybe it's enough to know that they loved each other from afar.

In the privacy of her home at Tara, Scarlett would pace heavily around the house, looking for work to do to keep her busy. But she would be seeing the Governor tomorrow and so she just let her nerves rattle on and on. She was looking for a clear path. Looking as she always had, to the future, to her own happiness. And it was nowhere. Tara had become a shining example of a plantation that had found success after the war. And it was all due to her. The Butler name had become synonymous with two things: scandal and charity. And she wasn't much affected by either. She remembered the girl she had been at sixteen and she was a stranger to her now. Though if Rhett were there, he would point out all the ways she was still the same. But that girl was happy just to look forward to party after party, and now it seemed, she craved being alone. She couldn't find anyone to trust or understand, and she could no longer fake interest in men's conversations, though they still often tried to charm her. She didn't need them for money or for marriage or to make anyone jealous.

She thought of Jonathon again, and how even if she could learn to love him, she didn't have it in her to invest in a marriage again. To risk the tragedy of lost love and children that die. Most of the time, she considered herself cursed. Sometimes she thought it was her own deeds that cursed her, but then she thought of her mother and worried that maybe they were all cursed. Careen joined a convent, rather than find new love after Brent Tarleton died. Sue Ellen married a man she didn't love, but was seemingly happy.

Scarlett wanted to find Jonathon a girl as carefree as she had been years ago. A girl like Jenny Blakely. And so, that evening she wrote herself a reminder to ash Jenny over for tea and an afternoon lunch, and to find out if she and Ashley were leading anywhere. It was another project; another way to fill her time between moments of despair.

Scarlett was to meet Governor Hobbes at the public library in Atlanta. There were offices there that the Governor often used. She dressed conservatively, wearing nothing that revealed her bosom or waistline. She wore little makeup and the only jewelry she wore was a wedding band, because she no longer wore the obnoxiously large wedding ring Rhett had given her. Governor Hobbes was not handsome. Quite ordinary looking. Not to tall or short; not too fat or thin. Brown hair and brown eyes and the ability to stare intently at whoever was talking to him. Scarlett knew the ways of southern charm all too well. Jonathon had said to her that to say someone was charming wasn't necessarily a compliment because charm is really just a ruse. "When people are charming, they are misleading you about their true nature." Scarlett liked thinking about this. Especially since she liked thinking that she and Rhett must be the most misleading people in the world. And that she used to pride herself on being charming. And now, it seemed, even when tried to turn off her charm, people would still find her charming.

She sat down quietly and demurely with Governor Hobbes, trying to read him, as she did indeed need a favor from him. He didn't seem to have much charm, but he seemed intent on appearing in a favorable light. His clothes were perfectly tailored and expensive, and his voice calm and pleasant.

After their initial greetings and small talk, she began her request…

"I have been following your time as Governor with great interest. You know how my husband and I have been generous contributors to the Democratic Party, and we are so proud to be a part of it…"

"The Butlers have been quite generous over the years. Integral in the Democrats coming back to Atlanta. To think the Yankees thought they could stay here forever…"

"Well, it's been our pleasure."

"You know, after your daughter died, I feared that politics would no longer be of interest to the two of you."

Scarlett felt her cheeks turn red and her eyes start to burn with fury.

"Politics is always of interest to Rhett and me."

"I mean no offense. I just suspected that Captain Butler was more interested in his daughter's standing in society. And you, well, truth be told, you have a reputation for doing business with just about everybody…"

Scarlett just stared. This man hated her. And was insulting her. Probably hated that she had done business with the Yankees after the war.

"And that is why you and your husband are of great importance to me…"

Scarlett continued to stare, trying to figure out what he was saying and what is was leading to.

"You two are gamblers. And good ones at that. You bet on the winning side and you put your money behind it. A lot of people throw a lot of sentiment my way, but the two of you only put forward your money. And so, in return for your friendship and backing, I will do whatever it is you are to ask me for…"

"Why that is quite kind of you Governor, but I only wished to meet with you in order to discuss how I can be more help to you…"

She flashed her sweetest and most innocent smile, which the Governor returned with one as equally transparent. There was definitely a flirtatiousness about him.

"But of course. But if there is anything you can think of, any way I can make your life easier, do tell me so. Since my wife died, I have so few chances to spend with a remarkable woman such as yourself."

_Oh brother,_ Scarlett thought… she keeps getting herself into these precarious situations…

"Actually, I am working on a donation to the university…."

"Go on…"

"In the Butler name. I already have supplied enough scholarships. But the Butler name on a building at the University of Georgia? Can you help with that?"

_Was that too forward…?_

"I believe I can."

"It would be wonderful for _us._ "

She emphasized _us_.

But still, he looked at her for a brief moment in an inappropriate way that reminded her of Jeb Holbrook. It seemed the fact that she lived a life by her own rules was attracting all the wrong kinds of men. Then again, for a brief moment, the idea of being a Governor's wife wasn't the least appealing idea… The Governor continued…

"Well then, anything you need… oh, and please tell Rhett to come and pay me a visit. He's been down in New Orleans for way too long."

Scarlett became defensive.

"Oh, I know and it's just terrible. Being without him, I mean. But I keep busy at home with the household chores and my charities and such. But he is just taking care of some business. I saw him a few weeks ago anyway."

She seemed to be rambling in her defensiveness, and stopped herself before she made a complete fool of herself. The Governor wasn't buying any of it. And it looked like he was going to say something to her, but instead held his tongue. He then reached down to his side, where a package was waiting on the floor. It was a small box and he untied the string that was covering it.

"And for you, Mrs. Butler."

He shows her a box of chocolates.

"Oh what a lovely surprise! I do enjoy chocolate ever so much! Did you purchase this just for me?"

Scarlett was trying her as much as possible not to reveal her annoyance, though Rhett would have noticed that her face was slightly flushed. This man was wooing her, when he knew full well that he had no reason to question her morality. Sure there were rumors that followed her, but nothing anyone could swear to. And for almost two years, she had been in her heart of hearts, loyal in every way to her husband. If only Rhett was with her all the time. Would she even be here, she wondered? Would she care about a Butler wing at the university? Was it just her way of distracting herself or staying close to Rhett in her own mind?

But of course, she politely took a piece of chocolate from the box and then took it in her hands. She held it out to offer it to the Governor.

"Oh no I couldn't. Unfortunately for me, chocolate does not seem to agree with me at all. My mother bought me some one Christmas when I was nine and I almost died."

"You don't say?" Scarlett said softly, faking interest, and grabbing another piece of chocolate. "And yet you thought to bring them for me. How lovely!"

"Oh yes indeed! I do remember it being delicious though. But I began to break out and sweat and a doctor had to be called, because my throat almost closed up entirely. I couldn't breathe!"

Scarlett senses that he is trying to keep her there longer and make some sort of small talk. She just nods.

"How very tragic. I do love cocoa every now and then. My daughter Bonnie used to enjoy sweets very much. Sometimes I still get sad walking past the candy store. But kind of you to bring me something that you yourself could not enjoy. Very chivalrous."

The Governor smiles.

"Well, I suppose sweets are a vice, and that is the one vice I cannot partake in. You never know if someone has added chocolate to a pie or a cake. There have been a few incidents at the mansion when a doctor had to be called…"

He paused, trying to size up Scarlett as many men had done so before. He sensed he was boring her…

"Well, like I said, anything the two of you need, please consider me a friend."

Scarlett could only muster a soft smile.

"Thank you. That pleases us very much."

A few days after Scarlett returned from her chat with the Governor, she had Jenny over for tea and lunch. There was an easiness in the air when Jenny was around. There was never forced conversation and when they discussed books, they could go on and on. And they did. Of course, Jenny's love of books was far more intense than Scarlett's. For Scarlett, they were more of a mystery and a distraction. She had enjoyed Hugo's _Les Miserable_, but it seemed a little too melodramatic for her. When she first read of Eponine loving Marius so much, she found it frustrating. Only hours later, did she realize that her frustration came because she had spent her life devoted to someone that didn't love her. She had found some joy in the Bronte sisters though. They took her back to a time where who she was going to marry was such an earth shattering decision. And it soothed her to see the humor in it. And so, she and Jenny Blakely discussed the books and giggled like schoolgirls. Which was nice. But of course, Scarlett did want to bring something else up.

"Jenny darling, I've been meaning to ask you about Ashley. Are you two seeing each other socially?"

Jenny glanced at Scarlett with such a serene look, one that reminded her again of Melanie. Jenny couldn't hide her feelings if she tried, and she never tried. She was twenty one now, but her eyes were seemingly fourteen.

"Oh, I have Scarlett. But I just… I don't think he is very interested in courting. With his son especially… I don't think he will ever remarry. I'm sorry. I know you had tried to arrange something…"

"Oh, don't be so silly! I just thought maybe I should introduce the two of you. Now Ashley is a dear friend and I have known him all my life, but I sensed that maybe he is just not cheerful enough for you. And possibly too old… I am making him sound so terrible. He's a wonderful man. It's just life… just beat him down I guess. None of us expected to lose Mellie."

Jenny nodded.

"You've lost things too Scarlett. I forget sometimes. Cause you seem so strong…"

The words humbled Scarlett, but made her secretly angry and she didn't why. Maybe she didn't want to be strong anymore. It didn't seem to get her anything she wanted anyway.

"God, you sound so much like Mellie sometimes…"

After Scarlett said that, she realized it made Jenny uncomfortable.

"Ashley's wife? I never knew her. I don't look like her at all…"

"Oh dear, you don't look anything like her. She was dark with dark eyes. And it wasn't that you sounded like Mellie. It's more that Mellie and Ashley used to talk alike and you sound like him. Like someone he could converse with…"

Jenny softened.

"And what they say about you is… oh never mind, gossip is almost always mean and untrue."

Scarlett continued to study Jenny, not sure if she was fishing for gossip. It seemed she was genuinely curious and Scarlett admired someone who would ask a question rather than pretend to know the answer.

"Jenny, you are not going to shock me with anything you've heard. The truth is, many years ago, Ashley was one of my beaus. But we were never serious. And once he wanted to marry Mellie, there was no one else in his heart or in his eyes. The two of them were my dearest friends. They lived here at Tara after the war. I lived with Mellie in Atlanta before that. So when people talk… it's just they couldn't understand things. Like my husband. Mellie adored Rhett and he adored her. He helped get Ashley during the war and she never forgot that. She never turned her back on a friend and she… she believed in the best in people, and then a strange thing would happen. Everyone became kinder just for knowing her. You became what she believed you were. She was the most loyal person and honest person and decent person…"

Tears swelled in Scarlett's eyes. Not just for Mellie, but for the past and for Rhett and for everything. She put her head down as she still felt real tears were a sign of weakness.

Jenny hugged her at that moment, with all the love of a sister.

"Oh, I'm acting like such a fool. Ignore me. I just miss Mellie, and I miss Rhett when he's away. I pretend like I don't, but I do."

Scarlett didn't know if she made this confession because Jenny was indeed her friend, or just because she needed someone to confide in. But it still felt good. Jenny was at least someone who listened and who didn't judge.

Just then, Mammy came with an unusual exuberance.

"Miss Scarlett! Will is out front. Sue Ellen had a baby boy! Named it after your daddy!"

Scarlett smiled. It was something new. Something she could buy presents for. She thought momentarily about Bonnie and her miscarriage, but then she just thanked God it was a boy, because she couldn't bear to see a girl at this moment in time. But it was a distraction, and that was enough.

The joy of Sue Ellen's news came with a damper of bad news. Two days later, Mr. Elsing had passed away in his sleep. And the night before the wake, more bad news came. Pork had come to Scarlett with news about Rhett. He had been arrested in a bar fight and was being held at the local jail. She sent a telegram to Governor Hobbes, asking for some help. Rhett fighting in a bar brawl sounded ridiculous. He had seemed so serene and sedated, like a true southern gentleman. Like most of his ruggedness had dissipated. Then again, she had come to love his ruggedness. And at first she was relieved; always relieved that the news wasn't that he had died or been killed. But then, slowly but surely, the temper she had been suppressing since Rhett had left her, finally returned. She was mad at Rhett. So mad at Rhett she couldn't see straight. And then came a certain amount of calmness. And coolness. And so, when she entered the county jail hours later, she was as pristine and ladylike as ever.

And there was Rhett, sitting down, staring at the ceiling. In his own cell, at least given the dignity of some privacy. _Your wife is here to see you, _one of the local policeman said to him in a light-hearted but condescending manner. And Scarlett walked in, looking only quickly at Rhett and then sitting down on a bench in the corner. She took out a book, sat down and began reading. The book was one by one of the Bronte sisters, but he couldn't see the title. Rhett of course was immediately amused, having expected words filled with anger or at least mockery. But Scarlett, in her true ability to entertain him, sat there reading, trying to hide a smile.

"Is that a particularly fascinating book, my dear?"

Scarlett raised her eyes, and then her eyebrow (which Rhett still had a fondness for). Then she continued reading. Minutes went by, and Scarlett was able to feign complete interest in her book.

"May I at least know the title?"

"Wuthering Heights. Quite boring."

And then she kept reading.

"Any particular reason you are here to keep my company, my darling?"

Scarlett put the book down and glared him.

"My darling? You did say my darling?"

"Yes…"

He had missed her, but would never admit it.

"You have so many names for me. My pet, my dear, my darling? None of them ever come with good news. And when people come to me and tell them my husband needs me. That's never good news. You're drunk, you're in jail…"

Rhett smiled, as he couldn't help it any longer around Scarlett. He liked that they had returned to obscene, verbal dance together. That they no longer ran about town pretending to hold any legitimacy. They were scandalous. He thought if he divorced her, that he would be crazy enough to ask her to be his mistress. He didn't even know if he would ask. He thought that he could just show up at Tara and take her in his arms whenever he pleased. _Rhett, you've lost your mind,_ he said to himself. But Scarlett kept yammering on, becoming very displeased about his smirk.

"Oh my darling! I do hate to worry you. But this was a great mistake. I don't get into a bar fights anymore. That's a young man's game. Nothing to fight about. I don't even really drink anymore. I am quite the upstanding citizen. Like you said, your love has inspired me…"

Scarlett grinned. She couldn't help it.

"I would rather inspire you right here in Atlanta. But no need to worry. I sent a message to the Governor and you will be released."

"My my, you have become quite the lady of Atlanta."

She approached the prison bars with such glee that Rhett's thoughts remembered when she had visited in jail once before, full of lies and deceit. He loved that she felt as comfortable in a prison cell as she did in her own home. She moved closer to the cell, looking back and forth.

"I always was my dear, my pet. You just left too soon to see it. Remember how you threatened me into marrying you? Said you would harass me until I said yes? I wanted to go to Tara and rest."

"I do vaguely remember by heartfelt proposal. And how you said you were marrying me only partly for my money… what a great lady… I always said that about you."

"Oh how kind. I hope you are not worried that I am holding you here as some collateral. You are as free to wander as you please, Captain Butler. And though I did come to learn that money isn't everything; it sure does come in handy in moments like this."

"I hear the Governor is quite taken with you…"

"The Governor isn't taking me anywhere…"

Rhett smiled again.

"I can't help but wish that I could create this very same cell at Tara and keep you there at night, like a werewolf. This way, I could keep you out of trouble."

"Hmmm… I once had a similar wish for you. You know, I didn't want them to tell you I was here. It's a small misunderstanding. Some drunken fool said I hit him, said I was drunk. And clearly, not a mark on me. And unfortunately, I am perfectly sober. Other times I have been incarcerated… I was a younger and drunker man…"

"Rhett, you are maddening. It doesn't seem to concern you that I worry about you. All the time. Oh, and my most recent favorite tale of your endeavors. That I have to be told that you're in New Orleans with Belle Watling, racking up debts with unsavory characters…"

This statement seemed to be of particular interest to Rhett.

"Wait, what's that last part…"

"Oh don't play coy with me. Jeb Holbrook told me about your gambling debts. Lucky for you, they should be covered."

Rhett's face went from confusion to concern.

"I don't owe anyone in the whole world any money. Not a dime."

He said it so softly and so completely without defensiveness that Scarlett believed him right away. And then she became really worried. She walked up to the prison bars with a suddenly nervous energy. But she spoke softly as not to alarm him.

"Jeb Holbrook took fifteen thousand dollars from me. He said it would squash some trouble you had gotten into in Louisiana. Tell me it wasn't a trick."

"Scarlett!"

He yelled, but not because he was mad. He was just frustrated. Actually, he was more than a little mad.

"How could you give that much money to someone without asking me? And when would I ever want you to pay a debt for me? I don't even gamble anymore. And when I do, I win."

"That's what I said. When he told me. I said it didn't seem…"

"Oh Scarlett, don't play the fool. You don't part with money. And you hate Jeb Holbrook. He's a scoundrel. We've all parted ways with him. Jimmy and the whole gang. And Jimmy's his cousin! We think he's taken up morphine in his spare time. And he wasn't the nicest person before that. But that money… I will pay you back, it's not a problem. But how could you be so stupid?"

"Oh don't you dare put this on me! Who am I going to ask? How am I going to know? You've needed my help before. And I know Belle's son is there and she's moving there…"

"But I'm not. I'm going back to Charleston."

"But I didn't know that…"

"But that much money? And you know I have that much, even if I had to pay it."

"It seemed at the time that he… that Jeb was doing me a favor, telling me what you were doing…"

"Oh, you heard what you wanted to…"

Scarlett thought about it and knew Rhett was right.

"You're right. Damn it to hell, he played me like such a fool. Fifteen thousand. It was almost all the cash I had at the mill."

"You'll get it back…"

"Still…"

She started to pace again.

"Tell me exactly what he said…"

She sat back on the bench and told how Jeb visited her twice at the mill.

"He probably knew that I would care more about paying your debt if I thought it would get you out of New Orleans… away from Belle."

"Belle is just an old friend Scarlett--"

She cut him off.

"No need… to discuss old friends. If I had said no to marrying you, maybe I would be an old friend. It would be easier."

She yawned. She was so tired. Tired all the time. Trying to find the same energy she had ten years ago. Then a thought came to her that scared her even more.

"Rhett, don't go looking for Jeb…"

Rhett smiled a peaceful smile.

"You know I can't promise that. Not saying what I'll do, but Jeb has a lot of answering to do."

"But why do this? Knowing you would find out eventually? Like signing his own death warrant…"

"Not quite. Maybe he was desperate for the money. Maybe he never thought you and I would discuss it. Maybe it's his way of courting you…"

"Please stop that. I know when a man has taken a liking to me. And Jeb Holbrook is not one of them."

They sat there for awhile, thinking, wallowing in the silence that only two people who know each other well, can truly appreciate. Their minds were racing. It was late and Scarlett looked so tired, compared to when she first walked into the jail. She was still yawing, not even bothering to cover her mouth.

"Mr. Elsing died."

"I know. I actually came in to pay my respects."

"Oh…"

Scarlett looked sad again because she sensed that like her, Rhett always seemed to have the bad luck of getting into trouble, even when he was trying to do something good.

"Go home, Scarlett. And be careful. If Jeb visits you at the mill again, shoot him if you have to. Actually, don't go there alone. If you shoot him, say he was robbing you. It's probably what he'd be doing there anyway. He has enough of a reputation, and I'll back you and so will the Governor."

Scarlett smiled a defeated smile.

"I don't think I have the kind of reputation that can survive being a murderer."

It was true. Rhett had to admit that much.

"You keep making friends with people like the Governor, you just might be able to…"

Scarlett smiled and walked towards the door. She had wanted to kiss him again, or at least get him a warmer jacket to wear. But she was tired. And Rhett still wouldn't come back to her. And now she had given him a project; an unsavory mission. She knew he would seek out Jeb. She only hoped that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Rhett… when you left me… I was sad and then furious and then I just took it out of my mind as much as possible. But if you do anything stupid and get yourself killed, I will dig you up from your grave and kill you all over again."

She had said those same words to him when he was sick…

"I would expect no less. You have threatened to kill me before."

"And I was going to give my poor, jailed husband a kiss, but I am afraid you just don't deserve it this time."

She grinned and waved and took her boring romance novel with her. Later that night, Scarlett had the bail money delivered. Rhett chose not to bother Scarlett though. He had too much on his mind. The idea of Jeb Holbrook or anyone pestering Scarlett bothered him, especially since he had introduced Jeb to Scarlett in the first place. And he so often felt bad for Scarlett, trying so hard to right all her wrongs, and most people weren't even noticing. They treated her with civility and a certain amount of respect. But still, no one cared to really reach out to her, and Melanie's old gang couldn't seem to transfer their loyalty from Melanie to Scarlett.

Again, Rhett felt so close to knocking on the door at Tara and staying there forever. And he knew that now Scarlett would have more reason to worry. He had to take care of himself and be smart. If he ran into Jeb, he would be cordial as ever, and give him no sign that he knew about the money. But Rhett knew, deep in his heart, that though he would try and keep himself safe… there was no doubt he was going to kill Jeb Holbrook.


	10. Like Soldiers After The War

_Sorry, but this is the longest one yet, so get ready to read…._

Mr. Elsing's wake was just another passing day for Scarlett. She was wrapped in her own world, as usual, and had gotten used to the people from her youth passing on. Mr. Elsing was just another person that had tolerated her for Melanie's sake. Another person that never knew or loved her, and yet, there was the same twinge of sadness. She stayed at the Elsing house with the mourners, saying nothing. She was worried about Rhett. She didn't know where he was and feared that seeking out any sort of revenge on Jeb Holbrook was a lost cause. Rhett was always so smart about everything. But there was something off with the whole situation. She wondered if Jeb was a person from their past, very purposely trying to act out some weird sort of revenge scenario. Then she wondered whether she had been reading too many mystery novels.

Ashley was there and he looked old and sad and she felt her usual sentimental fondness for him. Though he had never loved her, he had certainly appreciated her, and certainly meant the kind things he had always said to her. Looking back, it seemed to her he was always trying to lightly tell her that he didn't love her. But he respected her strength and had once called her the bravest person he knew. How she wished he and Melanie were both there. How she wished that Melanie was there to make Rhett feel so guilty that he would return to her. It amazed her how often her thoughts of Rhett changed as if in midstream. How one day she could be happy for him and that they were civil and humorous with each other. Then other days, she felt the sadness, and it was a darkness she could become drenched in. And with no one around, it was easy to just let it envelop her. To stay in bed all day. To stand in the study just looking out the window. Sometimes riding Smokey would make her feel better. Sometimes she would walk the grounds of Tara. Mammy had voiced some concern that she was walking around Tara late at night. And Scarlett found it alarming as well. She didn't know if it was because she wasn't afraid of anything, or because she didn't value her life anymore. And that thought would scare her into walking back to the house.

Cathleen Calvert was there. Scarlett's attempts at rekindling their friendship seemed a lost cause. Cathleen certainly didn't appear to be reflecting on the meaning of life and death. She had befriended India Wilkes and they seemed chattier than ever at the wake. India was inappropriately chipper at the wake. But Scarlett knew from Aunt Pittypat that India and Jeb Holbrook were going to be married, and India was absolutely giddy. In her thirties and finally to be married! She had hidden behind the mask of being a victim of losing her love after the war. Jeb was at least fairly attractive and threw money around, and word around town was that India was like a cowering puppy around him.

Scarlett amazingly found solace with the older women: Mrs. Merriweather, Aunt Pittypat and Maybelle. She enjoyed listening to them talk, as their talk was harmless and had no agenda. It almost numbed her and allowed her to block out everything else. And they were old enough not to question all the silly gifts she had brought them in the year and a half since Mellie died. And even though she saw a little pity in their eyes, for the first time, she didn't mind pity so much. Any emotion that was geared towards her was welcome. And anyone that didn't hate her seemed like an added bonus. She remembered how Aunt Pittypat couldn't refuse Rhett's silly gifts, even though she wanted to banish him from the house after the Belle Watling incident.

Scarlett sat next to Maybelle, and spoke softly with her about Mr. Elsing, as they knew him. When Bonnie had died, and she had gone to Tara to grieve, she remembered suddenly wanting to be closer to these ladies, especially Maybelle, who buried her baby right before Sherman attacked. She felt like an old fool; like somewhere there was a 16-year old just like her that thought of her as some pathetic woman who married the wrong man and then lost him. Her life depressed her and she was losing her gumption, the quality that had remained with her even after Bonnie's death.

The candles remained lit, as everyone sat in the living room, scattered among the couches and tables. Scarlett, in her own distraction, at first had not noticed Ashley's presence, which still surprised her. His gray hair startled her. Rhett's hair had turned somewhat gray, but he had more than a few years on Ashley. She nodded knowingly at him, but they never spoke, except for their brief greetings and salutations. He sat at the table, slumped over. Though he seemed a little better than the first few months after Melanie's death, he was still quite the depressing figure. No wonder Jenny hadn't any interest in him.

Just then, Jonathon Stanton arrived with his cousins, Mrs. Tarleton and the rest of the Tarleton girls. He came in all blonde and sunny, like a breath of fresh air. To see someone so unaffected by tragedy, yet so dignified was about the most pleasant thing that Scarlett could encounter. It was all she could do not to run up to him and give him a hug. But she just turned and smiled, though he saw that her face lit up. All the people at the wake seemed to notice him, and take note of his handsomeness. Jonathon changed the entire energy of the room. India and Cathleen seemed to take an interest in him.

A few minutes later, Will Benteen showed up, and Scarlett was once again happy by a new arrival. She asked him questions about his newborn son, Gerald. Will looked far removed from the poor farmer he had been. Scarlett was pleased that with all the things she had done wrong, approving of Will's marriage to Sue Ellen was one of her better instincts. She remembered arguing about it with Grandma O'Hara. But she knew he was strong and capable and he would be what Sue Ellen needed most of all. And so, there were still things to be happy about it when she thought hard enough.

As usual, Scarlett slowly became surrounded with men, even though it was unintentional this time. Ashley sat next to her at the table like a ghost. And soon, when Cathleen got up from the table to circulate in some sad attempt to be social and flirtatious, Jonathon sat next to her on the other side. Scarlett couldn't help keeping her body swayed more towards Jonathon though.

"You owe me a chess rematch Missy," Jonathon said to Scarlett softly, with a grin on his face.

Oh, to see someone grinning, even at a wake, was exhilarating, Scarlett thought.

The talk turned lighter for awhile and Scarlett was convinced that it was Jonathon's mere presence. Scarlett felt no shame in discussing the fact that she was thinking of selling the mill and opening a children's stores. With Jonathon around, she let her guard down and felt protected enough to openly talk about her business. She wanted to tell Ashley that it would be in honor of Mellie, but decided against it.

India leered at them in the corner of the table.

"I wonder if you will be discussing any of this with Frank's family."

Scarlett felt challenged and didn't miss a beat.

"Oh, I already have, and they are most excited about it. I intend on giving them the lion's share from the sale."

Scarlett was suddenly having fun, waiting for India's remarks and returning one with sweetness and venom, wrapped together.

"Oh Scarlett, do tell us how Rhett is doing. With all of his adventures in New Orleans? Has he returned to Europe?"

The words were bait and Scarlett knew it. Ashley looked as if the cruel words startled him, especially having come from his sister. And Scarlett didn't have the spirit in her to start a fight. What could she fight with India about really? She no longer loved her brother. And India was probably going to marry a horrendously dishonest man. And Scarlett cringed at the thought that people probably thought the same thing about Rhett when she married him.

"Well, this is a bit of a secret, but he is in the process of creating a wing at the university in Bonnie's name."

She said it with such pride, even though she knew Rhett had nothing to do with her dealings with the governor. But it certainly made India seem like an idiot. Everyone at the table smiled cheerfully and exclaimed how wonderful it was that he was able to do such a thing when he had been grief stricken two years before.

Mrs. Merriweather and Aunt Pittypat went on and on for a few minutes complimenting Rhett and how he doted on Bonnie. They said there was never a father so enamored with his own daughter. And never a more beautiful little girl. Scarlett smiled humbly, but was still unnerved by India. She had learned the craft of turning one's insults into her favor. The art of not letting petty words affect her. She would have grinned but it would not have been inappropriate. She was just to play the mother who had lost her child. But India couldn't seem to let it go.

"Oh, well I do hope it was just a misunderstanding with him being in jail yesterday…"

"India!" Ashley yelled.

Jonathon stood upright with a steely glance at India, waiting to see if his defense was needed. The three old ladies looked at India with disgust. But Scarlett remained calm.

"Oh no, please India darling. Never apologize for speaking your mind. And the truth was Rhett was imprisoned yesterday in a great misunderstanding. The governor even had his men come all the way down to rectify the situation. It seems Rhett was mistaken for someone that had been in a drunken bar fight. When I first heard I was so mad at him. But then when I entered the jail facility, I saw him sitting there, completely sober and clearly not having been in a fight. Oh, how we joked about it all... I would have discussed it with all of you, after all, you all are family to me. I just thought that it would be inappropriate."

Scarlett had in some ways, acted herself right through that. Some of them even seemed to believe it. The old ladies gasped when she mentioned drunkenness and going to the prison. Scarlett thought that was all amusing, since she knew they all drank in private.

India would not stop though, playing along with Scarlett as if it was all a game.

Ashley stood up, as if expecting to command more attention than he actually did.

"India. I will not have this go on with you and Scarlett. She has done nothing to you."

The sight of Ashley, so publicly defending Scarlett, made India turn red with anger. And it embarrassed Scarlett a little. Jonathon then got up, also in defense.

She mumbled over her breath, "Always Scarlett, I guess. It's always about Scarlett…"

India seemed to have a certain courage with her now; that she had never had before. It was most definitely due to her impending engagement. But she silenced herself.

"I do apologize," India said without looking at Scarlett.

But Scarlett just excused herself from the table and walked outside. She wasn't sure if she was going to leave. These people and these quarrels were old and full of the past. She paced around the porch, wanting to sit in the rocking bench in the back of the house.

To her surprise, Ashley had walked outside moments later.

"Scarlett… I do apologize…"

"Oh please, Ashley… no need. There's a lot of history there. You look terrible."

He smiled softly.

"Scarlett… where's Rhett?"

"I don't know. I saw him yesterday. He had some business to do and…"

"But why is he not with you? It seems he passes through town on a whim and never seems to…"

She immediately began to defend Rhett.

"Well, I must tell you that business of the university wing is not entirely true. He actually has some other business to contend with…"

She knew what he was getting at, and still, she didn't want someone else questioning what she herself couldn't wrap her head around.

"Is it really because of Bonnie? They say he wasn't right after… and God knows, I understand because if I didn't have Beaux… well, I think I would have died by now."

She just nodded and looked up at the stars.

"Rhett and I… we will work things out."

"You know… when you married Rhett, we were all very concerned. You had a habit, and I never judged you for it. For rushing into things. And we felt that with the trauma of Frank's death especially. And the truth was, Mellie and I liked Rhett. Sure we knew of some of his dalliances, and some of his dealings with the Yankees. But we couldn't help but be loyal to him, because in a pinch, he literally saved our lives countless times. You and him… it seemed fitting when you two were married, that you had been the ones that had gotten Mellie and Beaux out of Atlanta. And a lot of times… Mellie even had to admit… Am I being too forward? In discussing these things…?

"Ashley, if you and I can't speak candidly…"

Ashley smiled a soft smile.

"True I suppose. I was just saying that Mellie knew that people would talk of you getting married so many times and to perhaps the wrong people. And even though she wanted to believe that you loved Charles, I remember her once saying that maybe Charles was a love of youth and infatuation. And that maybe Frank was so kind and generous to you when you needed him, and that in your duress maybe you hadn't considered Sue Ellen's feelings… she would always say that you couldn't help men being so drawn to you. But she felt with Rhett that you and he had been through so much, and showed such strength of character, that you two were most fitting of all… she said you two were equals, like two soldiers in the war…"

Scarlett smiled, as she had heard Melanie use those words. But the guilt returned. Mellie had been foolish enough to believe that she loved Charles. Sometimes she wished she had told Mellie on her deathbed how she had loved Ashley and she would feel less guilty.

"She really said those things? I remember her trying to convince me to wait a little while longer to marry him…"

"Well, she hated to hear people talk…"

Scarlett had no reason anymore to not say what she meant in front of Ashley. Much of her past ulterior motives were no longer there, and now to speak the truth with him was enjoyable. To speak the truth with anyone. She felt everyone around her was always acting out a play, and she wanted to seek out the truth in what was behind the curtains.

"Melanie's become like everything else in my life. Someone I couldn't save. Something I didn't deserve. The children's store I want to open. It came to me while thinking of her. I almost thought to name it Mellie's but I wouldn't be able to bear it… I still feel so guilty when I think of it."

Ashley saw the pain in her eyes that she frequently tried to mask in front of him. But grief seemed to create a magnet straight to Ashley these days. She didn't love him anymore; he had known that for a long time. And there was a relief in seeing it and knowing it and knowing they both knew it. But he felt more aligned with her than ever. He had worried that she would eventually be drawn to him again, with Rhett gone and all. But she hadn't. She had discovered real loss in these past years, and saw life too harshly now to think he could solve any of her problems.

"Scarlett… I hope you don't waste a moment feeling guilty about anything. Mellie and I both knew that you and Rhett were our dearest friends. And the motivation doesn't matter when you save someone's life. Repeatedly. Even in those moments of selfishness, you came through for us. You could have left Mellie in Atlanta you know? You didn't have to bring her and Beaux back. Much of what was between us was always my fault. I left you responsible for Mellie in Atlanta, because I knew of your devotion to me. Not very gentleman-like. And then I lived at Tara long past when I should have…"

Scarlett grabbed his shoulder… to have someone trying to console her, even for things she would always feel guilty of… was a strange relief. And her face suddenly had silent tears streaming down them.

"I can't… I can't let myself even think about those days anymore… the shame. I never had time to feel ashamed and then when she died… I really thought that once I arrived, I could save her. That's how childish I was! I thought that if I wanted someone to live, they would. I always had this silly superstition that my mother died because I wasn't there. Because I had to marry Charles and then plant myself in Atlanta. And when Bonnie died, at first I could blame Rhett, and then I thought if I had just ran after that horse sooner… oh, here I go again…"

Ashley sat her down on the rocking bench, careful to only touch her lightly with his hand. Scarlett looked at him, suddenly puzzled and concerned. His reaching out to her like this made her feel something ominous. And then she realized, that Ashley was desperate enough to want her. To reach out to anything. Maybe it was because she, Rhett, Melanie and Ashley were forever entwined in some sordid way. But there was still no love in his eyes. Still, just vacancy. And she couldn't judge it as weak as she sometimes did, because Scarlett worried that her eyes were becoming vacant. Ashley was set to go to New York soon, and her own weakness made her think for a moment whether it would be so bad to at least have a companion where she didn't have to pretend so much… but she knew by the overwhelming sadness the thought brought her… there was love between Ashley and her, but not husband-and-wife love. Probably just a need for someone familiar. Someone who knew your whole sordid past. Ashley looked away from her, as if he was reading her thoughts along the way. He then got up to walk back into the house, touching her shoulder as he walked past her.

As she rocked back and forth, at last finding some relaxation, and in the silence, she held her head in her hands. She wasn't quite crying or sobbing, but there were soft sighs. She suddenly heard a noise and looked up to see a slender figure walking towards her, and the shadow of a lit cigar. She quickly ran to hug him, making sure he didn't have time to resist.

"Rhett—"

"Scarlett…"

"I'm so happy you came. I feared you were off somewhere…"

"Always off somewhere…"

"I was just trying to tell people that I saw you yesterday and wasn't sure if you'd be able to make it… business and such."

"I hope you told them I was incarcerated."

"No India did. But I defended your honor anyway."

Rhett looked at her sadly.

"How can I get you to not feel compelled to defend me all the time?"

"You can come back to Tara. Oh, sit down with me. It wasn't a defense. It was almost the truth."

They sat down on the bench.

"Our specialty…"

Scarlett's lowered her eyes in frustration.

"See Scarlett. Divorce me. Don't be fooled by the southern gentleman's clothing. I'm a bastard."

"I have tried to divorce you if you can't recall. I wasn't crying because of what you said, you fool! I was just crying out here on the bench, if you don't mind. It is after, all a day of mourning. "

"Not about Mr. Elsing?"

"About life."

"Ahh… I'm afraid that's not my specialty anymore."

Scarlett stared at the sky, rocking on the bench.

"I like you better when you're sick. When you're drunk. I quite enjoy you behind bars, unable to escape from me. But you're a difficult man to love, Rhett Butler. Why are you here, if not trying to gain some semblance of respectability?"

"Truth be told, I was telling you that I was leaving to figure out this Jeb-business. And also, I have come to return the bail money you so generously put forth. As well as the fifteen thousand dollars I believe I owe you…"

Scarlett's eyes suddenly danced with glee, but not entirely because of the money. It was more that Rhett had the audacity to show up at a funeral with fifteen thousand dollars of cash on him. She grinned.

"You really are a… well, it's not ladylike to use the word bastard."

Rhett handed her the money some expensive, green bag that he had purchased for the purpose of holding all the cash. A flash entered her mind of the green bonnet he had brought her from Paris so long ago during the war.

"When the shoe fits… I suppose everyone in there will think it strangely polite of me to show up at Mr. Elsing's wake. Will I be getting stares and glares?"

Scarlett was still smiling.

"Always. I just had some words with India. And the entire room took my side!"

She was bragging to Rhett like a little girl.

"It's too bad I haven't attended many of these social functions. I have some words for India Wilkes myself. She's the worst kind of person because she doesn't have the smarts or courage to get what she wants, and yet she will speak unkindly of those that do… those she is jealous of."

Scarlett practically ignored the compliment that was embedded in that statement. She knew she was better than India Wilkes.

"You'll never believe this. Aunt Pitty told me Jeb and India are to be married. How absurd is that?"

"Absurd. Far from me to question marital motives, but something you said yesterday… that there is more to this than we think… I think that was quite perceptive. There's something going on here and neither of us know what it could be. But I don't like it. And I intend to figure it out."

Scarlett studied him. Rhett marveled to himself how she could be dazzled by a bag of money in one moment, and then somber in the next.

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

She folded her arms and almost pouted, but her face was obviously thinking and thinking.

"It doesn't sit well with me. Whatever he's up to, we'll find out eventually. How smart can a man be that is marrying India Wilkes? Maybe he is planning to steal a little money from everyone. Maybe he will never return for fear of running into you…"

"That's a lot of maybes."

There was a sudden sternness in Scarlett.

"Rhett… don't. I have a bad feeling about this."

Rhett thought about the meaning behind her pleas and frowned.

"I can't bear to see you becoming scared and superstitious. You know how I admire your courage. I merely want to find out the motivation behind all this. At first, I thought his attention towards you was maybe that he wanted you. That kind of stupidity I could understand. But this…"

Scarlett kept thinking.

"If you don't know what's coming after you, you can't go seek it out."

"If we don't know what's coming, we can't sit around and wait to find out. Where is your spirit, my darling? It's awfully mysterious and exciting to have a purpose. To have me running around the South, defending what's left of your honor."

This frustrated Scarlett further.

"I can't be strong just because it pleases you to think somehow that I'm off at Tara being courageous with no sense in my head. You men are like women sometimes you're your romantic notions. Sometimes it's stupid not to be afraid of things… and though it may further ruin your memory of me… I have plenty to be scared of."

"Of course you do. It's just... you are brave Scarlett. Takes more than Jeb Holbrook to make you afraid. You're a survivor."

"What exactly am I surviving? You? Sometimes when you say things like that I remember why I used to hate you so much!"

Rhett laughed.

"See, a scared person is rarely funny."

"Remember when you came to me after Frank's death, and I told you I felt guilty and ashamed of myself? That my mother would be rolling in her grave has she known what I had done?"

"Of course…"

"But I can't help being superstitious. I've come to the sad conclusion that all my marriages, all my life… I deserved what came to me. They all died because of me."

Rhett looked at her perplexed. And a little worried.

"Who?"

"Everyone. Starting from Charles and ending with Bonnie and Mellie. It's all because of me. At first, I thought I was just being dramatic and feeling bad for myself. But marrying me is a curse. People I love, people that love me. And so, a divorce isn't much of a threat because it's not going to change me. Or change things. Or save me."

"I don't come around you for all this rehashing…"

"I can't stop Rhett. My mind goes around in circles and it settles on whatever thought makes the most sense… and maybe I can share this with you because you don't live where I live and you don't ask anything of me anymore… but there's this crazy feeling inside me that my life is to sit around and watch bad things happen to other people."

"Well, at least your narcissism is still intact. You do know that a war, and a few other events had to do with it?"

"Oh Rhett, let me ramble…"

"Listen, I'm not being foolish. I have no death wish. I will never let on if I see him that I know anything. In my heart of hearts I suspect that he has gotten himself into some sort of trouble and did something desperate and foolish."

Scarlett looked away from him, unconvinced.

"I used to think you were smart enough and strong enough to always come out on top. And with Bonnie, I knew you would never put yourself in danger… but now, I don't trust you enough to have your wits about you… Let it go. He's not going to bother me anymore. And I will just pretend that I never told you. All will be well. He will marry India and hopefully live far, far away from us… from me. Probably go to New York with Ashley."

"Let's go inside Scarlett."

She suddenly looked at him with some great persistence. She put both her hands on his wrists and almost shook him.

"No. Tell me this fixation with the money isn't some final exit? Tell me you don't plan to seek out Jeb, hurt him somehow, and then leave for Europe or something, never to see or hear from me again…?"

Rhett strugged. Scarlett's intuition was impressive and never far off.

"You really want this marriage…"

Scarlett was going to answer that she just in fact wanted him.

"I've had marriage. Marriage isn't what I want. It's part of the curse. And the deaths."

Rhett smiled again. Scarlett continued.

"You always find me most amusing when I am feeling quite the opposite."

"True. I can't take back the foolishness of marrying you though. Even though, you certainly didn't say yes right away."

"I should have trusted my instincts I guess. I guess I am truly nothing like my mother. Because that doesn't even bother me. The shame of you not living at Tara and people talking behind my back. I don't even think the shame of a divorce would do me in either."

"I am so glad to hear you say that. I do want to settle my affairs before I move to London."

"So I was right."

"Yes."

"Then go now. Forget about Jeb. Forget everything. Leave me here like a distant memory. Like the Old South!"

She was mocking him, or mocking herself. But he laughed. They both started to laugh.

"I can't do that I'm afraid."

"God how I wish I never married you…"

"Doesn't the truth set you free a little?"

"It's just… had I waited. Had you waited till Ashley wasn't a thought in my head, it would have been so different. When you proposed to me, a little voice in my head, knew I was losing something besides Ashley. I lost a friend when I married you. You and I had more fun before we were married. And it seems like that now. Inappropriate to think of your husband or ex-husband as a friend I suppose. But you were quite entertaining during the war…"

"As were you…"

Scarlett continued to ramble and Rhett let her.

"These days I cling to anything familiar. It started when Bonnie died and I was at Tara. And I thought of Mrs. Merriweather and Mrs. Meade, and how it wouldn't be so bad to listen to their stories of the past. And it was a strange feeling, because I had always hated it so much when people went on and on about their misfortunes. Even Ashley. And suddenly, I understood. I guess the loss. I never understood it before. And now I dare say that I seek them out at parties to talk to? Ridiculous. And now when I see you, it's like Melanie used to say. That we were like old soldiers after the war…"

By this time, Scarlett was so relaxed, starting up at the stars, rambling on, that Rhett didn't want to disturb her. He knew what she was saying. Whenever they saw each other, they couldn't pretend much. They'd have to talk to each other. There was too much between them. And so he listened, fearing he would never be able to go inside and pay his respects.

"Before you showed up here, Ashley came out here to see if I was alright. He's not going to marry Jenny. She's too happy I guess for his tolerance. It sparked a memory of when he finally returned to Tara after the war. We all saw him from the distance and figured it was another soldier there for a handout. When I realized it was him, I ran right for him, and had Mammy not held me back, I would have made his welcoming quite uncomfortable. That's how I am, Rhett. I'll die that way. The reason I wouldn't care if we were divorced is that it wouldn't change anything. I'd still run to you in a crowd. I'd still ask you for help. Or bail you out of jail. Or even find you in Paris or London or wherever. Divorces don't interest me. I lost a friend when I married you. Should have let you be. Maybe the whole Ashley thing taught me nothing. Every time I see you I change my mind about what I want to do. Now I think I would rather have you at Tara, even if it was as far from my bedroom as possible. Or maybe if you promised to just go to London now. Maybe I would trade it all in for a little bit of friendship and loyalty."

Rhett smiled softly. He's left her alone so long that she feels the need to spill her heart out around him. It made him happy and sad and confused and guilty.

"I used to think I was the biggest fool that ever walked the Earth. Everything you've offered me was once how I felt about you. I didn't care who you married or what you needed. I planted myself in your life like a tree. A stubborn old oak. I was never foolish enough to voice it though, so once again, you have more guts than you'll ever know. You know, if you weren't always chasing the wrong men around, you would probably be ruling the world right now?"

"Hardly. I can handle Tara and that's about it…"

"Oh, I think you could rule a small island."

Scarlett sighed and looked up.

"Listen to me. For heaven's sake, don't put yourself in harm's way."

Rhett smiled and got up from the bench.

"Friendship and loyalty? I long for the days when all you wanted from me was 300 dollars."

A little bit of mischief returned to Scarlett's face.

As Rhett walked away, Scarlett yelled after him, "You probably should have taken me up on that deal. That was the fairest deal I ever offered you. And you could've saved quite a bit of money and heartache."

"Worth every penny."

Scarlett blushed and flashed her bright eyes and an even a brighter smirk.

"Rhett you never said why it's so important for you to find Jeb."

"You're reading too much into it. It's just a business transaction."

Rhett unexpectedly walked back towards her and gave her his most gentlemanly kiss on the mouth.

"I don't believe you. Or your kisses."

He began to walk away again, when both he and Scarlett heard yelling. Scarlett scampered ahead of him. She walked back into the Meade home and was very quickly bombarded with India's faced, filled with venom. Ashley was standing before her, trying to quiet her down.

"I will not have any of you defend her anymore. We all know the things she's done. And you all pretend because she showers you with gifts. I won't have it! My own brother! How could you even look at her after… after Mellie's passing."

Ashley was so wounded that he just stood there, infuriating Scarlett. How could he let her use Mellie's name in her petty feud?

"India Wilkes, you best shut your mouth right now! To throw out Mellie's name! You aren't fit to utter her name!"

"You aren't fit for anything, Scarlett O'Hara. Oh yes, O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler. Jeb has told me some of the things you've done. Worse than I ever suspected."

"Jeb Holbrook knows nothing of me. I hardly know the man. Though he is a scoundrel if I ever met one in my life."

"Scoundrel? This from the woman that married Rhett Butler! Where is your scoundrel now? Probably seeking out some other white trash woman to give him a son? It's the only reason he ever stayed with you long enough anyway. His dear Bonnie."

Her words were so shocking and cruel, even for Scarlett. She had egged her on, the day of Melanie's wake. But this time it was so much more personal, with everyone around her. Scarlett's face turned red with fury.

Yet when Rhett slowly stepped forward. India's face went white. Scarlett threw her arm out, sensing that Rhett was about to lunge towards India, but Rhett thrashed right through it. So much so that Scarlett's arm felt pain afterwards.

He walked towards her and Scarlett was sure he would hit her. But he just stood there, as frightening as a bear. Ashley at first didn't even move to protect India, but then he walked towards her and moved her out of Rhett's way and almost forcibly walked her towards the door. The scene had everyone in stunned silence, until Scarlett spoke softly.

"It's alright Rhett. She's just hysterical… It seems that Jeb has gotten himself into some trouble and she is absolutely despondent. Isn't that right, India?"

It was a lie, but it was the only way Scarlett could think of saying at the moment. She had seen Rhett with a look of violence in his eyes, and certainly there were times she was sure he would hit her. And she could see in his mind the fact that if India were a man, she'd be dead right now. It was a threat he had used on her, but there was a raw realty to it now. The illusion of Rhett as a crickety old gentleman. He was a fighter like she was, and that would never change. The crowd started to look away from India, who had no choice but to apologize and leave.

"Yes Scarlett. I do apologize. I was worried. Something happened in New Orleans. And I… was taking it out on you."

_Ha! A bluff and I was right._ But then she frowned, knowing Rhett would hear that and head back to New Orleans.

"No need again to say anything more."

Cathleen exited promptly with India, noticeably upset that she had to leave.

It took more than a few moments for the aftershock of India's outburst to settle. Rhett looked like a bit of the wind had been knocked out of him. Scarlett paced around, all scattered, because she didn't know what to do. She saw Ashley approach him and take him outside, and longed to eavesdrop.

Outside, on the porch, Ashley approached Rhett cautiously, even though Rhett clearly had no bone to pick with him.

"Rhett, I cannot tell you how ashamed I am. I should never have let her get like that. You and Scarlett are our dearest friends."

He meant _he and Melanie's_… speaking of her in the present tense. Rhett could never do that with Bonnie.

"Of course. I do hope you know I would never strike your sister."

"I know. But… she is different… she is going to marry that Jeb fella. And I think he has had, I don't know… a poor influence over her. I suppose I should have arranged for her to be married to someone more suitable. But he showers her with attention and gifts and at first, she seemed happy. But now, I don't know… she seems hardened somehow."

It was as Ashley said these words that he recalled saying a similar thing to Scarlett about Rhett. And he felt so ashamed. He felt a connection now to Rhett, since Rhett had lost Bonnie. But he still couldn't understand how he left Scarlett alone now, especially since Mellie's death. Town gossip seemed to insinuate that he came to Tara as he pleased and that Scarlett was undaunted by that. He knew how loyal she could be to those she loved. And though Scarlett always went her own way, he still felt a loyalty to her. Then again, he could feel a kinship with Rhett.

"Ashley, I worry more about India than anyone should worry about me. That rampage she just went on is going to hurt her socially. As is her marriage to Holbrook. She's not like Scarlett. She can't damn her reputation to hell to marry—what was the word— a scoundrel."

"Never would I use that word to describe you. I was just telling Scarlett that for me and Melanie, there were know two better people in our lives. You should have seen us all at Tara after the war. And you should have seen Scarlett when she went to ask you for money. Her sisters and Mellie helping her get dressed. Furiously cutting curtains and sewing them for a dress. Those days after the war were so hard, but there were few moments of joy. Melanie and I thought that Scarlett that day was the bravest thing we ever saw. With a rooster's tail feather in her hair."

Ashley seemed a quite pitiful creature then. Even in his polite, gallant way, he had ended up gushing over Rhett's wife, right in front of him. But he disguised his words enough to make them sound like it was he and Mellie marveling over Scarlett.

"And I was probably not quite the gentleman you two had envisioned?"

"Melanie and I were the only ones who suspected she was going to see you. And we knew that if you had the money, you would have given it to her. I told Mellie that it was doubtful you'd be able to get your hands on it anyway."

Rhett's mind wandered back to the day that Scarlett came to him, offering everything she had and was for three hundred dollars. If he had just let her pretend… or if he had gotten to her before Frank… Scarlett didn't know this, but Rhett's mind had wandered into superstitious territory in the past few years as well.

"They say you know this Jeb Holbrook? Not many people seem to like him."

"Well, I only knew him from some dealings in New Orleans. A bit of a sycophant back then. Maybe marriage will change him from the better. You can tell them I give them my blessing. But if she runs into any trouble with him, let me know. Maybe I could be of some help."

Ashley looked at him in confusion. Like so many times in conversing with Scarlett, Ashley seemed grateful for the loyalty but curious about the motive. When they wandered back inside, Rhett looked for Scarlett, not sure if he was ready to leave. She was quietly accepting a little bit of extra hospitality from Mrs. Tarleton. And Rhett saw the one man he didn't recognize approach Scarlett.

Jonathon, who had stood up during the ordeal, walked up to her with concern in his face.

"Are you alright?"

"Not quite, but I will be okay."

Innocent enough, but it was no time to be comforted by this young man.

"Jonathon, you absolutely must meet my husband, Rhett."

She looked up and around her, sensing Rhett in close proximity.

"Rhett, this is Jonathon Stanton. He's been helping me close up the mill."

Rhett shook his hand eagerly. He didn't see any guilt in the boy's face. But he saw strength, and in earlier glances, he thought he detected that the boy had feelings for his wife. That he wouldn't be slow to act if something should happen to Scarlett's third husband. _Join the club_, he thought.

People began to calm down a little bit and be extra courteous to Rhett, which he found annoying. But like Scarlett, he knew these people too long to begrudge them. There were actually some noteworthy people there. He and Scarlett had always liked Sue Ellen's husband, Will. He was quite a successful farmer in his own right, and he had turned out to have more character than a lot of other men. He was strong and perceptive and smart when it counted. Rhett spoke with him for a little while. Will eventually spoke of the India escapade with obvious disgust in his eyes. Rhett wanted to get out of there, as India had reminded him and everyone of Bonnie.

Dr. Meade then approached Rhett and asked to speak with him in another room. He was noticeably older than even Rhett remembered, and the thought came to him that every time he went to a wake or a funeral or a wedding or a party, there would be less people he knew at the next one. People were dropping like flies now.

Not to say that Dr. Meade looked feeble or incapable. He was still a practicing doctor, and his years taking care of the soldiers had made him quite irreplaceable as far as his experience. Still, he had a young doctor working with him now named Luke, so he was undoubtedly aware of his own immortality.

"Rhett… I am happy to finally run into you. I wanted to discuss if possible. I'm afraid to overstep my bounds here, but I am quite worried about Scarlett. And God Knows I've tried to talk to her, but she as stubborn as… well, she's stubborn. And she still thinks she's young enough not to worry about her health. But she looks tired. Too tired. And we just want to know if maybe there is something wrong or something she's not telling us. Something she needs help with. Or maybe if you've seen anything you can tell me. Headaches or nausea?"

"Dr. Meade, you are not overstepping your bounds. It does my heart good to know that when I'm not around, she has so many friends watching out for her. But she is not going to have a baby. And though she is tired, it's only because she's happiest at Tara working. Sometimes she forgets that she doesn't have to. And she still goes riding every chance she gets."

Dr. Meade didn't look appeased at all. He looked at Rhett with a little bit of warmth and a little bit of disappointment. He then began to speak quietly as if he was saying blasphemous things.

"You know… after your Bonnie died, she came to me asking about you. If there was something she could do… or I could do… She came asking for medication. But I'm afraid that loss, real loss… There is no cure. I think she knows that now. And I've seen all kinds of medications and alcohols that can numb someone for a time. Only makes it worse in my opinion when you feel the pain again. Scarlett is frightfully brave. You know that of course. She still makes sure we're all doing well and taken care of, even though she doesn't have to. India Wilkes is a fool for making an enemy out of her. I knew her mother well, and her mother was like that too. People think she's like her father, and she is in some ways, but that strength is from Ellen."

Rhett looked at him, returning the compassion. He realized that maybe among this group, he was admired and pitied all at the same time. Just like Scarlett. And it felt about right. He wanted to let Scarlett know that they needed to make a clean break. An official divorce. He left the room and sought her out. They walked outside to his buggy. He couldn't figure out how Scarlett could seem so proud and regal, and yet so vulnerable to him at the same time. He couldn't really shake her. But he did think if he saw her less and less, maybe then she'd be less confused. She did look tired, but resilient nonetheless.

Scarlett broke the silence with, "Long night. Probably wish you could have left the bag at Tara?"

"It doesn't seem appropriate for me to go there."

_Oh right_, Scarlett thought. She told him that if he went there, she would declare that he belonged to her somehow… she couldn't remember her exact, drunken words.

"If you weren't here tonight, I would have punched India Wilkes twice as hard as the last time. They would have had to ply me off of her."

"Don't waste your punches. She is in far worse condition now…"

"Rhett, what does Jeb Holbrook know about me? What have you told him? I don't have the patience to be mad about it. It's probably true anyway."

She did not speak sadly, in fact, she asked quite calmly, expecting an answer, as they stopped by the buggy.

"But I need to know. I need to know what he can come at me with."

_Always ready to fight_, Rhett thought…

"Nothing from when we were married. Quite frankly, I never really talked to him. But Jimmy and Charlie used to tease me about the Atlanta girl. They knew of the night I bid for you, and the day you came to the prison…"

"That's what I figured. Well, I could always say that's a lie."

"I assure you that I only spoke of you in a favorable way."

She giggled a little.

"No need. I could only imagine."

"That boy Jonathon seems nice."

Scarlett waited for something smug, but there was a silence instead.

"I mean, he seems like he could handle himself in the mill. How old is he?"

"Oh he's only twenty-four."

"Still… I am not making any gallant statements before you. But if something should happen to me, I would think he would be a suitable fourth husband for you."

The idea that Rhett would say that, and not even be joking, or trying to be cruel… that infuriated Scarlett enough to grind her teeth.

"Rhett, I will tie myself to this buggy if you dare make any such statements. I will travel to every city with you. I will not bow out gracefully and accept your inane entries into my life, just so you could leave me as if you are going to a war, when you are actually seeking out some petty thief!"

Rhett laughed his hearty laugh.

"And Dr. Meade was worried about your health!"

"Oh no, not that again… half the town thinks I'm pregnant all the time, the other half thinks I'm going crazy and the other half is intent to pity me just because I like to fill my days working and riding a horse! "

"That's a lot of halves?" he said sarcastically. "Now listen to me, whatever we decide to do between us, let them speculate. They know very little about us."

"And please tell me why I would ever seek out a fourth husband? I've had three that have driven me to madness…"

"You have a point. I don't think I would ever ask a woman to marry me again. And if she said no, as you did at first, I think it's best to trust a woman's instinct."

Scarlett smiled again, as her mood around Rhett constantly switched back and forth.

"And after all, Jonathon has never been married. He deserves a woman who's never been married. Maybe he and Jenny would make a nice pair."

Rhett hopped in his buggy.

"India might be doing us a favor by marrying Jeb. I won't have to wonder where he is much longer. I think you're right about the fact that he didn't count on you telling me about the money. If you see him, thank him for the favor. And I thought I told you to carry a gun with you at all times?"

"To Mr. Elsing's funeral? Why are you going to New Orleans if Jeb is coming back here?"

"I'm going to talk to Jimmy. If I see Jeb, I'll bring him back here."

"Bring yourself back here, Rhett."

He leaned over to kiss her. But she jerked her head back.

"Enough of your kisses. Ride off like the scoundrel you are."

Rhett smiled. But when he rode away, he was in his usual reverie. Maybe he would just return to Scarlett after New Orleans. It just seemed like it had to be all or nothing with them. He always had a fondness for lost causes.


End file.
